Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
I have been asked my thoughts on Clay Helton’s firing.
Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
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I laughed... I wept... but were the toys warriors?
Funny, cleverly-written stuff.
Funny, cleverly-written stuff.
Wow, Chris, your best work. And you have written some great stuff.
Best line: “That guy looks like he’s going to break all of the toys.”
...and after making me laugh, you got me all choked up and proud, ready to run through a brick wall with the team. Fight on!
Best line: “That guy looks like he’s going to break all of the toys.”
...and after making me laugh, you got me all choked up and proud, ready to run through a brick wall with the team. Fight on!
This reminded me of Santa Claus: The Movie.
Clearly, Dudley Moore (Patch) is Clay Helton, the Toy Breaker. Clay broke toys just like Patch. Clay had no attention to detail and cut corners just like Patch. In fact, Clay was a "Patch" for USC Football and will be viewed for the rest of time as just that, a patch. My new nickname for Clay, Patch Helton.
Clearly, John Lithgow (B.Z.) is Rick Caruso. Maybe one day he will float out into space similar to the movie. Or the ocean.
Time for a real toy maker to take over, can't wait! Santa Claus is coming to town!
Clearly, Dudley Moore (Patch) is Clay Helton, the Toy Breaker. Clay broke toys just like Patch. Clay had no attention to detail and cut corners just like Patch. In fact, Clay was a "Patch" for USC Football and will be viewed for the rest of time as just that, a patch. My new nickname for Clay, Patch Helton.
Clearly, John Lithgow (B.Z.) is Rick Caruso. Maybe one day he will float out into space similar to the movie. Or the ocean.
Time for a real toy maker to take over, can't wait! Santa Claus is coming to town!
The great Will Derting reference made me remember how it was when Pete Carroll coached. We were the cool fans with the cool team, and visitors from other teams wanted to hang out in our forum. Then Pat Haden came along, and we were now the nerds. Let's be cool again.
"Carthago deperdita est."Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
I have been asked my thoughts on Clay Helton’s firing.www.on3.com
Chris, don't forget the salt lest they try planting the same crop!
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"As for the Ducks, it’s almost dinner time, and we’re having Chinese." Bro really?Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
I have been asked my thoughts on Clay Helton’s firing.
I guess it's acceptable if Arledge is referring to himself as an 8 year old on Christmas day...
This is pulitzer worthy writing Chris. May I use that as a bedtime story for my three year old daughter? She is an even bigger Trojan fan than you are. Every time she see's her Domer uncle, she says - "Fight on uncle George - beat the stinky Irish!" Those words have also been uttered on the regular to her favorite playmate, her cousin Rudy errr Declan. Fight the F on Chris.
Yes, THAT was a great piece of writing.
In a short but illustrious career, this is your new high. Tremendous.
Was Arledge ever a CEO for Toys R US? During his rant all I could think of was buying toys. He upsold me with his editorial?Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
I have been asked my thoughts on Clay Helton’s firing.
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'“That guy looks like he’s going to break all of the toys.” But not enough people believed him at the time.
Now everybody believed him, but they were powerless to stop the Toy Breaker. '
LMFAO
Now everybody believed him, but they were powerless to stop the Toy Breaker. '
LMFAO
Chris: You need to immediately resign from your legal practice. You are wasting your talent.Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
I have been asked my thoughts on Clay Helton’s firing.
You are capable of great literature, along side Gulliver's Travels and Animal Farm. Your works are destined to be required reading in any college English program, which is interested in great literature.
Metaphorical masterpiece. Perfectly sums up the feelings of every Trojan fan with an IQ over room temperature for the past 6 years. Bravo.
That was cathartic, thanks! But somehow with Graham Harrell still in charge of the offense I just cant feel pure joy. One more to go...
Thank you Chris.
I always look forward to your Musings and with the way work has been going these articles lift my day up.
I always look forward to your Musings and with the way work has been going these articles lift my day up.
Well done Chris! I have to admit I was looking forward to this article. Lot of directions you could have gone with it (meaning, before you settled on the toy breaker). But that was very fitting.
I was pleased to see your comments on Bohn. I similarly felt that his hands were tied from day one (IMHO, the overall situation that existed at USC when he was hired was nothing short of a dumpster fire for the new school administration to act in a more or less serial fashion doesn't surprise me). Point is, that Bohn operated as a successful AD prior to coming to USC and he has hired a damm good HC before. Let him to his job. I think he knows very well that this hire will define his legacy.
If I may (from the movie Tombstone):
Wyatt: (referring to Stilwell, laying dead) “Take a good look at him, Ike… ‘cause that’s how you’re gonna end up. The Cowboys (replace w/ Notre Dame or Oregon) are finished, you understand? I see a red sash (replace w/Blue/Gold jersey or ugly Duck jersey), I kill the man wearin’ it! So, run. Run, your cur, RUN! Tell all the other curs the law’s (replace w/ USC F'ing Football) comin’. You tell ‘em I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me, you hear? Hell’s coming with me!”
I was pleased to see your comments on Bohn. I similarly felt that his hands were tied from day one (IMHO, the overall situation that existed at USC when he was hired was nothing short of a dumpster fire for the new school administration to act in a more or less serial fashion doesn't surprise me). Point is, that Bohn operated as a successful AD prior to coming to USC and he has hired a damm good HC before. Let him to his job. I think he knows very well that this hire will define his legacy.
If I may (from the movie Tombstone):
Wyatt: (referring to Stilwell, laying dead) “Take a good look at him, Ike… ‘cause that’s how you’re gonna end up. The Cowboys (replace w/ Notre Dame or Oregon) are finished, you understand? I see a red sash (replace w/Blue/Gold jersey or ugly Duck jersey), I kill the man wearin’ it! So, run. Run, your cur, RUN! Tell all the other curs the law’s (replace w/ USC F'ing Football) comin’. You tell ‘em I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me, you hear? Hell’s coming with me!”
If Bohn knocks this out of the park and we start winning like we should. He will be a legend on and off campus. All that 
talking from Usuck, Whoregon and Notre Lame will end. Knowing, that they have never faced USC at their highest heights. The last decade or more. It's time to make them our permanent doormats, wishing that we still had Hugs.
Soon...
talking from Usuck, Whoregon and Notre Lame will end. Knowing, that they have never faced USC at their highest heights. The last decade or more. It's time to make them our permanent doormats, wishing that we still had Hugs.Soon...
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It was either that or the movie Big, lol.Wow, that analogy is growing legs.
With no resume, man-child Clay got hired to run one of the largest toy manufacturers in the country, USC Toys. He just walked into a meeting and said "bugs" and won everyone over, Pat Haden included.
When Mike Bohn patted Clay on the butt and gave him the bro hug, it was very similar to Tom Hanks and Robert Loggia playing the piano at FAO Schwarz.
I wouldn't be surprised if Clay sleeps in a bunk bed just like Tom Hanks in the movie.
He didn’t break Toa Lobendahn he loved him too much
Josh imatorbhebe and Cary Angeline got bounced around in the toybox tho.
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Hugs broke one too many players but everyone wants to call him a "nice guy".He did break Toa Lobendahn he loved him to much
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Wow, best Musing ever, and I'm sure it will be the best article we'll see on the subject. Loosely quoting a musician friend of mine, I ain't gonna kiss your *** Chris, but that's a damn good article! THANKS and Fight On!Musings from Arledge: The fall of Carthage
I have been asked my thoughts on Clay Helton’s firing.
Another great article by the Jim Murray of WeAreSC.
Happy days are here again, assuming we hire the right coach.
Happy days are here again, assuming we hire the right coach.
Bro...really? Did you not get any of it or you just don't like duck? Foie Gras maybe?
Best. Musings. EVER!
Dude, seriously I still have tears streaming down my face from all the 'toy breaker' stuff. Genius.
Whoever said you are wasting your talents was absolutely right--you have a future in satiric writing. Does The Onion pay well? We know SNL sure does!
thanks and FIGHT THE F ON!
Dude, seriously I still have tears streaming down my face from all the 'toy breaker' stuff. Genius.
Whoever said you are wasting your talents was absolutely right--you have a future in satiric writing. Does The Onion pay well? We know SNL sure does!
thanks and FIGHT THE F ON!
This was great but I’m still laughing from last week just wondering who is getting invited to the BBQ at Clay the Toy Breaker’s house?
the way it is written ,it even covers the post mortem L-tongue was certain to try...manipulating lies from within his carthage/plundering heart...it was such a good article that explained real trojan fans thoughts, especially this one of 70 yrs; I had my wife sit down and read it out loud; she laughed incessantly ...she knows my frustration level has gone through the roof, especially when folt refused to consider Bohn firing him and hiring a great coach...hope she goes too.
Chris, completely agree w/ the metaphor (or is it analogy...lol), but if you wanted to be completely fair, where do all the scandals and Helton's squeaky-clean image factor into this fiasco? If we're writing a True Hollywood Stories recap, the political side of the Helton tragedy was playing the useful idiot to get us out of headlines purgatory. For the BOT and admin, the scandals were 10x's more important than the FB program. The legal maneuvering, strategic posturing required to tiptoe past that period must have been immense, and I don't think the school is completely out of it yet.
It would be akin to recapping the Lane Kiffin saga w/out mentioning the snactions.
Not sure if there's a clever way to feather-in that aspect, but the recap seems incomplete w/out it. Having said all that...Ding Dong The Witch is Dead!
It would be akin to recapping the Lane Kiffin saga w/out mentioning the snactions.
Not sure if there's a clever way to feather-in that aspect, but the recap seems incomplete w/out it. Having said all that...Ding Dong The Witch is Dead!
I always enjoyed Musings, but this one was the best, over the top and spot on! Fight on Arledge!
Maybe your best column ever, Chris. Thanks for the comic relief.
So glad USC is rid of Clay
So glad USC is rid of Clay
I have been reading this board since 2008. Your article made me subscribe. I was at SMU for parents weekend but we all gathered (60ish USC grads in TX) to watch the SC game late saturday. That game was maybe the most disastrous since the Harbaugh game. Anyway, that was last straw for me...wasn't planning to watch any other USC game (until I don't know when). I did tell my wife (also USC grad) that maybe this will get Helton fired. I didn't get a chance to check until yesterday. It did feel great...Christmas is better but it was very good.
FFO
FFO
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