A Tale of Two States

Matt Jones08/20/06


Article written by:Matt Jones
We are coming to you live from just south of the Canada border in Bmidji, Minnesota, at a great little brunch buffet on the waterfront. Aren't you jealous. Actually it has been a crazy couple of days here in the upper Midwest. It also seems like it has been a crazy few days in the Bluegrass state. As the Intern reported just a few moments ago, Micah Jones has been suspended from the team for a period of time thanks to conduct detrimental to the team. Just when you think that UK football is turning some corner, you remember, it is still UK football. There will be more UK recruiting news on the basketball front from me later tonight (including some scoop that is exciting). But for now, I remind you to check in this evening as EPISODE 2 of KSR Radio is put on the air, including our interview with AJ Stewart. That is all this evening. Now on to the trip. We have spent the last two days in two states, one we love, one we dont. First the one we love, Wisconsin. We began our day yesterday in Milwaukee and traversed the entire state yesterday. Going into the day I knew exactly one fact about Wisconsin. According to a recent article, it has the ugliest people in the United States. After spending the day in the state, I found that to not only likely be correct, but a bit of an understatement. Mosley and I spent the entire day attempting to play my favorite game from Nascar races, "Count the number of Attractive Women." In Wisconsin, that number totaled exactly one (and she was debateable). Thus while the women were in small amounts, the amount of bars and beer was not. Apparently, Wisconsin leads the nation in bars per capita, and this was clear from the get go. While Mosley and I often stuggled to find a place to get gas, we counted literally, over 150 podunk bars on the side of the road, all complete with the ubiquitous "Pabst Blue Ribbon" sign on the front. These people seem to have no interest in groceries, gas or even places of entertainment. But they do love their bars. The day was highlighted by our trip to Chelsea, Wisconsin for an exciting Lawnmower Race. Apparently the good people of Chelsea, when not raffleing off shotguns (ten dollars a ticket...I passed), have a festival every year where the best in Taylor County race their souped up lawnmowers around a track and the entire county comes to celebrate. Mosley and I attended the race, saw some exciting action and were thrilled by a "driver" who flipped his lawnmower when he went into turn 2 a little heavy. We had previously suggested that he "add a round of wedge", but he told us that he didnt appreciate us city boys getting in the way of his lawnmower races. Thankfully for the good people of Chelsea, the wreck did not deaden the mood, as it seemed that the entire county was drinking 12 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon an hour. Thus, while quirky, Wisconsin did provide us some positive entertainment. The same cannot be said for the communist-infested Minnesota. We entered Duluth at approximately 10 pm, tired but eager to experience what the land of 10,000 lakes would have for us. Unfortunately however every hotel in Duluth was booked.....why you ask? Well, I will tell you. There was a national Quilter's Convention. Yes you read that correctly, the town of Duluth (which one hotel receptionist told us was "an obvious tourist destination" had no hotels because of a bunch of old ladies getting together to quilt. I could have gotten upset by this, but thankfully, it was alleviated with bad jokes that only MaconVolFan would love, as our waitress at a local pizzeria told us that the quilters "had the town in a stitch." Mosley then proceeded to punch her in the face. Finding no hotel, we had to proceed farther into Minnesota and ended up in Hibbing, Minnesota, hometown to the great Bob Dylan. While Hibbing had no hotel rooms (there was a rock fest in Chisholm naturally), we did find that the citizens of Hibbing had a startling lack of teeth. Kentucky often gets a bad rap for its dental hygeine, but the next time someone makes a joke to you about lack of toothage, tell them that upper Minnesota makes Kentucky look like Hollywood when it comes to teeth cleanliness. While the folks of Minnesota have few teeth, they do however have amazingly thick accents. This may have been the most startling aspect of the trip so far. When I watched movies such as Fargo, I long assumed that those accents were fake. Well they arent. Everyone in this area has that startling accent and when Mosley and I talk to them in our Eastern Kentucky accents, it is unclear which side thinks the other is more bizarre. But this is what cultural intergration is about people! We are off this afternoon to Winnipeg, Canada. Look for a posting tonight as we give the big UK news and tell about our attempt to smuggle Mosley's hair gel into Canada. Go Cats!

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