The Girl on the Train comes out in theatres this Thursday. There’s not much that I can reveal about the plot of the novel without giving away spoilers. The book follows one woman who is fascinated by a family that she sees on her daily commute. (Spoiler alert, she rides a train.) I enjoyed the book for what it is, a thriller with many interconnected pieces. Amazon reviewers, however, felt a little differently. Below, you will find some of the problems that thousands of Amazon reviewers had with the book. Some of the criticisms are more valid than others, but at least they can help you decide if you want to spend your money on a movie ticket.
Bringing the facts
Many reviewers turned to science and statistics to make their case as to why the book was a piece of “hot garbage.” Although many of their numbers might not check out, they feel strongly about their claims.
“This book was such a disappointment. 80% of the book was a page turner written by a gifted writer.” – Janice Heath
“According to my Kindle I managed 32% before I gave up” – Amazon Customer
“The main narrator, Rachel, is the main narrator through approximately 80% of the book and her character is the worst. She’s an overweight, depressed, jobless, alcoholic who manages to say “I’m sorry” about every 3 minutes.” -Slopeside1
“I hated the book. How much?… I read about 45%” – David Smith
The Go-to Gone Girl Comparison
What I loved most about reading all 2,792 reviews (and sadly I read all 2,792 reviews) was how the Amazon book critic community is torn between debating whether Gone Girl is reputable or a turd sandwich. Seeing the customers waffle between their two strong opinions, makes me proud to be an American.
“When it began to sound like Gone Girl, I quit.”– Lynn Kirk Hunter
“I thought Gone Girl was highly over-rated, but it’s a work of literary genius compared to Girl on Train!” – Mara Freeman
“This book desperately wants to be Gone Girl, and it ends up being nothing much at all.” – Desertrat
“Gone Girl was quality literature.” – CS
“How anyone can say that this is the next “Gone Girl” is delusional.” – Joe G
“Worst book I have read since gone girl” – Wally Wortendyke
“I greatly enjoyed “Gone Girl” but this book pales in comparison.” — VALERIE H.
“The book felt so amateurish that I really question what has happened to the reading public that books like this and Gone Girl, another poorly written and over-hyped mess, are so popular.” – S. Carpenter
Some of the reviews take a weird turn. Reviewers were talking about flimsy infants and famous TV shows. Sometimes the criticisms are more exciting to read than the actual book.
“I took you to read on my last long journey, tried reading but everytime, the train stalled.” – Nagi
“I would gladly give someone rosary beads before recommedning this nonsense.” – Amazon Customer
“Rachel was a weak baby” —Amazon Customer
“It feels like warching an episode of Murder she wrote after sitting through a year of soap operas” — Amazon Customer
“It was like reading one of those CSI dramas on TV” — Amazon Customer
Things Readers Would Rather Do:
The best way to write a sick burn about how terrible a book was is to explain all the things you would “rather do.” This lets the reader know that you are a busy, productive person who wouldn’t spend a minute of their time wasting it on some stupid, poorly-crafted novel. You really make good use of your time when you spend it writing Amazon reviews.
“I’d rather read a cereal box.” — Amazon Customer
“I’d rather read a book from the viewpoint of a zombie” — Amazon Customer
As for me, I’d rather watch the movie than read any more reviews.