Let me start by going a little off topic- have you seen Dancing with the Stars
this season? It is truly the perfect blend of unintentional comedy and gorgeous ladies parading around in the Emperor’s new fall fashions. I could care less about the outcome of this event, but the skimpy outfits alone make it television worth watching. It is the most skin you can see without viewing Matt’s myspace friend’s list. Seriously, there are some beautiful young ladies in his group of “friends” that may or may not be real people. I think you should go look them up for yourself . But, I am sure you will be able to see them soon on a main stage near you-check the back page of the sports section for show times.
The only problem in watching Dancing with the Stars is that ranking the ‘stars’ irrelevance is as tough as UK putting in a depth chart at kicker. This brings me to the rare sports insight of my entries- UK’s kicking game is terrible. TERRIBLE. Blocked field goal attempts, missed extra points, and kickoffs sailing out of bounds. If our pool of talent at kicker were any shallower, it would have been cast on this season of Laguna Beach. I don’t think our kicking game would be any worse if we had Dick Clark long snapping while Michael J. Fox held for Heather Mills McCartney. Yeah, I said it. That needs to be fixed pronto before it costs us one of our must have wins.
Other than that, I must say for the last two games our team has looked like a legitimate Division one football team. Sure, our mascot is cutting corners with his one arm pushups, our linebackers are engaged in some arm tackling, and occasionally our O-line serves up as much protection as Governor McGreevey at a truck stop rest area. But we are above .500 and we have Dickie Lyons, Jr. I can’t wait to see the new Dickie Lyons, Jr
. end zone dance. Want to know what it’s called? The new Dickie Lyons, Jr. end zone dance. Mr. Woodson, don’t be surprised when you are placed under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue.
Given the greatness that is Dickie and the fact that we are playing a little better ball than recent seasons, I cannot fathom why the crowds at Commonwealth have not been spilling over the guard rails. Save the 20 minute monsoon, the weather has been perfect this season at the two home games. And both have been relatively late games, which protects one from having to view them dangerously sober. What gives people? This is the time of year when you get out at noon and throw bean bags at holes with strangers!! I know a lot of the guys that post here have big Saturday afternoons defending dynasties or searching for secret stats, but there is football to be watched-in person. You can leave the house for a few hours- your Lord of the Rings Master’s Edition and matching bed set will be there when you get back. I’ll go ahead and do you guys a favor. I will write your “girlfriends” a letter asking for permission for you to leave the house next Saturday in a language they can understand.
T. Hunter, Esquire