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Believe In Bad Haircuts

Mattoxabout 14 years


Article written by:MattoxMattox
Steve Tanneyhill Al Bundy Self Glossing Yeah. I pretty much nailed it with my game prediction last week...Hopefully this will be a chance to gain a relatively easy W for the Cats and get some young guys valuable experience. A few of the regulars are showing a little wear and tear and it's always good to get them some rest before the short week leading up to the South Carolina game. I think we come out solid and score on our opening drive and don't look back. Probably have a sizable halftime lead in the neighborhood of 28-3 or so. Rest some guys. Give up some meaningless second half points late. Move on. Focus on the SEC. Prediction: UK 48 FAU 17. The offense looked more than solid on Saturday and once the defense woke up in the second half they looked capable as well. I could nitpick a few things about the game and a few play calls, but screw it. We won. We knew we'd win and we went out and took care of business. That's what good teams do; win the ones you should win. To hell with a bunch of letting teams hang around. It was nice to see us take care of business and not leave the issue in doubt late in the game. Damn. We're 5-0. Cocky And that's a gross understatement when describing the South Carolina fanbase or at least the internet segment of said fanbase. These people have the arrogance and self-entitlement of the fine folks from Tuscaloosa, but they have a trophy case reminiscent of the program at Vanderbilt. They're the new family in the nice neighborhood. They have a complex because their neighbors have lived there much longer and have nicer houses. To offset this they feel the need to overstate their own importance to make up for their shortcomings. Look at us...we're in the SEC...we're married to Mr. Gator's ex-wife...Yawn. I doubt Mr. Gator would trade his current, younger hotter wife in for the one he's already worn out. Honestly, I've found them worse than Louisville fans. At least Louisville has won a major bowl and their current conference. For all the Cat fans headed to Columbia try not to be too envious of that kick ass 1969 ACC Championship banner prominently displayed at Williams-Bryce. The Game Itself We're going to win. Why? Because they're douche bag fans really irritated the hell out of me this week, that's why. That and the fact we're just better. Their pass defense is vastly overstated. Basically it's like beating your drunk ass buddies in poker every week and thinking you're a pro, then sitting down at the table with Phil Helmuth. In the end you find out you're not as good as you think, you want to choke Helmuth, and you have to pawn your Timex for cab fare. Oh yeah, their run defense is awful and they just lost Jasper Brinkley for the season with an ACL tear. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm totally convinced that they cannot stop our offense. Couple that with their own mediocre offense and I like our chances. We do have one serious Achilles heal though and that's the fact that it's sometimes hard to discern our special teams from the special olympics. Hopefully that won't bite us in the ass this week. The key: play from ahead and make them throw the damn ball. They haven't proven they can do that. My fearless prediction: Cats 35 Cocks 24. Played Out You see how I did that kids. Two whole blurbs on the game this week and not one juvenile double entendre using the word cock or an awful pun with their QB's last name. That's just not funny. It's not original. It's not creative. It's almost as annoying and awkward as those god-awful nicknames that Kentucky fans feel the need to assign to every damn basketball team that ever takes the court for us. What will it be this year...The UnBelievables...The UnDeniables...The UnMentionables...The UnOriginals. Pins and needles here. Can't wait for basketball season just so we can start cranking out those nicknames. Who Dey? The Browns. The Seahawks. The Patriots. Roger Goodell. The Cincinnati Police. The Kentucky State Police. The Criminal Justice System. Life. Coming Soon The Chiefs. The Steelers. The Ravens. The Titans. Probation and Parole. Free Agency. The NFL Draft. MLB Playoffs I am a Cincinnati Reds fan so the thought of actually cheering for my own favorite team to win the World Series is damned near a foreign concept to me. On of the joys of the post season for me is cheering against teams whose fans are completely obnoxious. So here's to seeing the Yankees, Red Sox, and Cubs all go down in flames. Don't give me the crap about how the Sox are the antithesis of the Yankees, because they aren't. They're more like the less successful younger brother of the Yankees. Yankees fans and Red Sox fans are of the same ilk and are equally as hateable these days. As to the Cubs, well 90% of all Cubs fans have never lived in Chicago and have no connection with the team other than seeing them on television growing up. Yes, I have scientific data to prove this. It goes like this: Me: So I see you're a Cubs fan. Them: Yep. Me: You grow up near Chicago. Them: Nope. Born and raised in Kentucky. Me: Why are you such a huge fan them. Them: I used to watch them on TV after school. There you go.  All the damn research you can handle.  In conclusion, they're the three biggest bandwagon franchises in Major League Baseball and I hope they all fail miserably.

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