Breaking Down Jorts' Production

Josh Harrellson...excuse me... Jorts has shown many faces this season on the basketball court.  I don't mean inconsistency in his play, like the North Carolina game (4 points, 5 fouls) vs. the Louisville game (23 points, 14 rebounds.)  I mean inconsistency in his facial hair, like the North Carolina game (beard) vs. the Louisville game (clean-shaven.) In order for Jorts to max out his potential for the rest of the season and lead this team to a NCAA Championship, he needs to know what look is best.  So as a favor to Jorts, and as a way for all of us to know what to expect when he takes the court, I went back and looked at Jorts' facial hair in each game this season to find a correlation between shaving and scoring. -------------------------------------------------------- No Beard Boston U — 6-7 FG, 12 points, 11 rebounds Coppin State — 4-5 FG, 10 points, 4 rebounds Louisville — 10-12 FG, 23 points, 14 rebounds Beard** North Carolina — 2-2 FG, 4 points, 7 rebounds Notre Dame — 0-2 FG, 0 points, 9 rebounds Goatee Oklahoma - 1-3 FG, 2 points, 3 rebounds Washington - 4-6 FG, 9 points, 14 rebounds UConn - 0-1 FG, 0 points, 6 rebounds Chinstrap E Tenn St — 1-2 FG, 2 points, 7 rebounds Portland —  3-4 FG, 6 points, 12 rebounds Indiana — 5-9 FG, 14 points, 12 rebounds MVSU — 2-4 FG, 4 points, 12 rebounds Winthrop — 1-3 FG, 2 points, 10 rebounds -------------------------------------------------------- Game Averages By Facial Hair No Beard - 15 points, 9.7 rebounds Beard - 2 points, 8 rebounds Goatee - 3.7 points, 4.3 rebounds Chinstrap - 5.6 points, 10.6 rebounds Analysis The numbers don't lie.  Facial hair is detrimental to Jorts' on-court production.  Although he is averaging almost one more rebound per game with the chinstrap, Jorts is a double-double player when he uses the Norelco in his pre-game routine. Kentucky tips off with Penn in three hours.  Jorts, if you're reading this, you'd be crazy to run onto that court with anything but a silky smooth face. No more beards! ** It's hard to differentiate between bearded games and chinstrap games because the neck was up shaved to the jawline in both styles.  In the North Carolina and Notre Dame games, Jorts let the hair grow farther up the cheek so I labeled those as beards as opposed to chinstraps (less than 2.5'' width.)