BREAKING: Renardo Sidney's Phone Hacked

Did someone say steak? Word quickly spread today that UK fans blew up Renardo Sidney's phone with calls and texts. Whether Cat fans saw the number on a message board, from a friend, or on a stall at Rusty's Pump and Run in Starkville, the fact of the matter is that we are all too familiar with cellular abuse here in the Bluegrass. DeMarcus Cousins received a barrage of messages and voice-mails, many containing racial slurs. Cousins mustered up more motivation than any Mississippi State player could have ever imagined, dominating the game in a ferocious manner. The infamous "Call Me" remains my favorite Boogie-ism to this day. Luckily, I pulled a few strings (no, not string-cheese, 'Nardo), and was able to have my hacker buddy discretely break into Sidney's phone to see exactly how much havoc my fellow Kentuckians caused. You will find that a good amount of the people were not UK fans, surprisingly. Also, Sidney blames ignoring the calls on not wanting to smudge his iPhone screen with the layers of Dorito dust caking his fingertips. text:

(502) - You suck lol (662) - Bro u eat my leftovers in the room? thats messed up man (662) - Got this waitin for u back home baby (859) - My man. Tryin to confirm u still want my 300+ girl hidden inside an actual cake sent to ur room at Marriot? Let me know bc Pat Forde also making a special request for her in Lou. U know u got priority tho bro (859) - Fat guy FTL. Terrence gonna beat your **** off the backboard (270) - You should wear jorts. They are funny, esp on lazy fat people (479) - Renardo, good try tonight buddy. Great job on the Cautious Closeouts, but you really could have worked The Nail a bit harder (606) -

voice-mail:

(502) - "Hey, Renardo: long time listener, first time caller. Just wanted to say that you disgust me and I hope you fall on one of your teammates tonight and crush him. I'll hang up and listen." (1-800-597-JENNY) - "Good evening, Mr. Sidney. This is Jenny Craig. I've come across your story by chance, and I would like to take your case upon myself to set example for people everywhere trying to lose weight. Contact me as soon as possible so we can set up a meeting, and possibly get a documentary in the works. Maybe even a few billboards, if we can find any open space big enough for you. Thank you." (859) - "Mr. Renaldro Sidnasty, this is Michelle's Escort service in Lexington. Trish has tried ringing your hotel room several times, with no answer. We are going to continue billing your credit card, registered under a Mr. Sonny Vaccaro, for Trish's time spent trying to reach you. Call back if you have further questions." (606) - "Bless you, son. I hope you have a good game against the Cats and compete with all your heart tonight. Be sure to read the good book, and don't be afraid to turn to God when you need strength. With that said, I hope UK waxes the floor with MSU and all fire and damnation come down upon you retched demons out of Starksville. May He have mercy on your souls. Amen." (859) - "We are trying to get a hold of Bernard O'Sidney. This is Papa John's. We've got 10 large pepperoni pizzas with cinnasticks that were supposed to be delivered to room 1256, but no one is there."

I apologize for making this post one big fat joke, but true hacking only brings out the facts, people. By hacking, I mean that my buddy laid out a sack of ten 'Double Downs' in the hallway of Sidney's hotel in the morning, then creeped into his room and stole his phone after luring him out. Sidney does have a lot of talent, and he will be a professional. I want to publicly wish the kid the best of luck next year in the big-time, especially when he faces off against Takeru Kobayashi in the finals. twitter.com/ChrisThomasKSR