Cinco De Starters-O: The Alabama Crimson Tide

Will Lentzover 11 years

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Aritcle written by:Will LentzWill Lentz

Because earlier today Terry Meiners said KSR was a good place to come for Hot Tips and Hot Chicks.

In what is a game that has bizarre motivational factors, the Crimson Tide come strolling into Rupp Arena sitting at 3-6 in the conference, 13-10 overall.  With Cousins and Bledsoe having circled this game early on in their stay in Lexington, the question should be just how badly will Kentucky demolish the fourth place team in the SEC west.  However, just like Drew’s tolerance for Sambuca, this Bama team is deceptively bad.  Every loss they have in conference, the Tide were leading at the half, and in three of those games they only lost by one.

Regardless, Cats win.  Meet the people Boogie is about to make cry.

#5 Tony Mitchell, 6’6″, F, Freshman

Tony comes into the Kentucky game averaging 9 points and 5 boards per game.   As the only freshman that gets starting minutes, look for Mitchell to be shaky both early and often, especially if Rupp gets rockin.  As far as his picture goes… Tony looks to be demonstrating the face of someone who both first dealt it, but secondly smelt it.  And is now trying to pass it off on you, our poor readers.  Don’t let him do it.

#31 JaMychal Green, 6’9″, F, Sophomore

JaMychal averages a little under 14 points, and a little over 7 boards per game.  Surprisingly, the more Green scores, the more likely it seems that Alabama will lose. Against LSU (a Bama win,) he only had 5 points.  Against Ole Miss (a Bama loss,) he had 18.  Expect Matt Jones to see the court tonight, and get the defensive assignment for Green.  If Bama is to win, they have to shut down Green.

#44 Chris Hines, 6’8″, F, Junior

Chris Hines, having just broken the starting lineup during SEC play, seems to be a poor mans Darius Miller (in production, not style of play.)  When he’s on, he’s capable of shooting lights out.  When he’s off, he’ll finish with zero points.  Fortunately, he’s not usually on.  Frankly, Chris just isn’t that good.  He did pour in 9 points in the Tide’s last game though, so there is a possibility he will see increased production… but going up against the likes of Boogie, Pat, and Orton?  He’ll be lucky if he’s still starting after tonight.

#2 Mikhail Torrance, 6’5″, G, Senior

Mikhail is the lone Senior of the starters, an honor we most closely associate with Razor Ramon.  The statistical point leader, Mikhail averages close to 16 points a game, and if Alabama wants to have a chance tonight, it will come down to him.  Hailing from Eight Mile, Alabama, Mikhail says he hasn’t ruled out Mark ‘Rabbit’ Krebs challenge at a Senior Rap Battle, but insists that his boy Bernie Madoff (Alabama Alum) get a shot too.

#21 Hillman, Senario.  6’1″, G, Junior

Senario is best known for his youtube video where he opines on his hatred for Tennessee.  Alright, maybe it’s not him, but wouldn’t you automatically become a Senario fan if it were?  He averages about 7 points and 3 boards.  Oooo, we’re all really scared.

It’s about this time, that I stop for a second and realize how awesome it is that four of the five starters Kentucky has average over 10 points a game, and the fifth in Darnell Dodson averages more than this guy.  Either way, look for The Hillman Senario to open in theaters this summer.  I hear it’s supposed to be a blockbuster comedy.  Get it?  It’s because this team is a joke.

I’ve said it before, and I will say it until this UK team proves otherwise, for Kentucky every game is about motivation.  If they are pumped to play, they win going away.  If they aren’t, it’s a struggle.  Fortunately Alabama natives Boogie and Bledsoe have more than enough reasons to want this game, combine that with the atmosphere at Rupp Arena, and the Cats win this one by 10-15.

Go Cats.

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2021-09-27