Drink the Draft

Get it? Hey there, guys. How's your week been? Celebratory? Stressful? Fulfilling? If you're anything like me (celebrating the Blackhawks' Stanley Cup victory, taking three kids to the zoo on a rainy day, and having your parents in town for five whole days), it was a weirdly exhausting mixture of all three. Tonight, I'm ready to sit on my couch and watch the NBA draft uninterrupted, and you know what? I think the occasion calls for a beer or two. It's been awhile since we've done one of these, and I think y'all know the rules by now. The draft begins at 7 pm on ESPN. Ladies and gentlemen, fill your glasses.

Take a Drink If: -Shabazz Muhammad wears hipster glasses -You see someone's mother crying -Calipari is shown -A draftee is sporting a new watch

-Every time a commentator talks about how weak this year's draft is -Kentucky's draft record under Calipari is mentioned -Everytime a commentator uses the words "motor," "wingspan," or "raw athleticism." Chug if they use all three in reference to Archie Goodwin. -David Stern gets booed -Footage of Nerlens' ACL tear is shown Take a Shot If: -Nerlens has a shocking hairstyle - Nerlens wears the suit that you voted for -ESPN plays the clip of DeMarcus Cousins describing Coach Cal with one word -Commentators stumble on an international player's name -Actually, just take a shot anytime you see an international player. Gotta make them interesting somehow. -Someone is wearing an all-white suit -Roy Williams wears all his rings -John Wall's tattoos are discussed -You see Kelly Olynyk and think for a second it's Kyle Wiltjer -A player's suit doesn't fit -You see a New York Knicks fan screaming in a jersey with no shirt on underneath. Chug Your Drink If: -Nerlens Noel goes number one overall -The Stanley Cup shows up -Archie Goodwin goes first round -Tom Crean cuts down a net when Victor Oladipo and/or Cody Zeller are drafted -Players are climbing ladders for no reason