Duke it out
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Duke it out

John Dubyaalmost 14 years


Article written by:John DubyaJohn Dubya
paulus1.jpg sweet frosty tips dude Sometimes I find myself hating Duke so much that I begin to wonder if I'm a threat to society. As en vogue as Duke hatred was, is, and forever will be from sea to shining sea, sometimes I'll make an effort to rationalize my negative feelings. Go against the grain, and try to look at it from their perspective. Critical thinking at it's core. This usually lasts a matter of seconds when thoughts of Laettner, Wojo, Coach K, and Sheldon Williams' face come racing back into my conscience, and I'm back to my loathsome state. Then I watched the Duke/Florida St. (man, FSU has some athletes) game last night, and let me just say I will never waste one more second of my life not giving Duke the maximum allotment of hate they truly deserve. Thanks to Deadspin for bringing this to the forefront, because I was beginning to wonder if my roomate and I were the only ones with functioning eyeballs watching the Greg Paulus Pussy Hour unfold: Paulus's shenanigans, cheap and douchey as they may be, aren't even the worst part of this charade. That honor goes to the literally unbearable Mike Patrick, who is always so certain when he's wrong that it makes me want to rip my own larynx from my throat and stuff it up my tailpipe because I'm so ashamed of the human voice. Even after watching these antics in slow motion replay, Patrick is unable (or unwilling is probably more fitting) to discern that Paulus was the one initiating both instances, and is doing nothing more than acting like a six year old girl who can't find her "blanky" in time for the start of Hannah Montana. But it's not just that turtle-neck-with-blazer-wearing-own-fart-sniffing-port-wine-drinking Mike Patrick guilty of such arrogant biasness. How about Billy Packer's assurance that Duke's Gerald Henderson "accidentally" caught Tyler Hansbrough with an elbow last season when it was clear to anyone watching one of the many replays that Henderson's cold-cock was quite meditated. I realize it's difficult to discern action on the basketball court when you're face is buried in the lap of Coach K, but please, if you're not going to at least pretend to be an objective professional and tell Coach K to take his hand off the back of your head, then quit polluting the airwaves. Paulus is a vag, and Coach K is a bitch for teaching this bush league stuff. I'd love to watch the practice where he installs his bitchery: Coach K: "Damn it Scheyer! What did I tell you to do when a large black man tries to tie you up?" Scheyer: "Um, kick and scream and cover my nose as if it has been broken?" Coach K: "Right, so why the hell didn't you do it?! If you're not going to be a bitch then I'll just have to find someone else who can. Wojo, get in there and show them how a real bitch operates!" Oh, Duke. Yet another reason why you indeed, suck.

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