Horse Racing Movies, Ranked

Hello, Friends. I like your hat. Are you wearing that to the Derby? You’ll be a big hit. And if you get hungry, you can eat all those bananas. Also, I’m not sure Derby hats traditionally have bananas.

Friends, as Derby weekend is officially upon us I thought I’d take the time today to look into the annals of pop culture to bring you some of the greatest horse movies ever made. After all, if there’s a week to celebrate horses, it should be this week. Enjoy a beautiful weekend, friends, and I’ll see you here again next week.

1. Seabiscuit

Arguably the favorite movie about racing in the last thirty years, Seabiscuit is the tale of an unsuspecting work horse who defies the odds to become one of the greatest racehorses in history and his rivalry with famed Triple Crown winner War Admiral. Emotional and uplifting, Seabiscuit was nominated for Best Picture in 2004 but lost to Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, which didn’t even have one horseracing scene in it.

2. The Black Stallion

Francis Ford Coppola’s 1979 film had everything in it: a horse jumping off a boat, a kid stranded on a desert island, the dad from Gremlins, a horse killing a cobra, a kid riding a horse in the rain at night, Mickey Rooney riding on a bail of hay and a big race finale at Santa Anita with a bunch of people cheering. As the film’s trailer states, The Black Stallion is “a story that will make your heart race, your spirit soar, but most of all, it will make you believe in The Black Stallion.” And you can’t argue with that, because you can see the black stallion right there on the screen, proving it exists.

4. Hot to Trot

In this 1988 Bobcat Goldthwait movie, a talking horse gives a man investment advice and then the man enters the horse into a horse race and entices the horse to win by promising he can have his teeth cosmetically capped. This is all real. Also, as indicated in the film’s poster, the man murders his meddling boss and mounts his head on the wall, which is a pretty dark and unnecessary turn.

4. Days of Thunder

Days of Thunder is probably the best true story about the Kentucky Derby only instead of people riding horses in the Kentucky Derby it’s about people driving race cars in the Daytona 500; and also it’s not true. But if you imagine that all the cars are horses I think you’ll agree it’s really exciting. I watched it like this the other day and it blew my mind. Those horses ran so fast and they’re so loud. It’s probably the best Kentucky Derby movie Tom Cruise ever made.

5. This YouTube Video of Some Zebras Running Around and Farting in a Zoo

Because zebras are like horses, only with stripes.

6. Stridor

Stridor isn’t as much a movie about horse racing as much as it is a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe toy that came out in 1984. But I think we can all agree that this horse looks like he could win a lot of races, because he’s a robot, and he has guns. His jockey’s name is Fisto, and I’m not going to say anything more about that guy or his name.

7. The Greatest Horse Ever

The Greatest Horse Ever is a movie I just made up about an eight-legged, super-cool horse who wins five Kentucky Derbys in a row while being ridden by a little jockey you might know who goes by the name of, oh, PRESIDENT ABRAHAM LINCOLN. I’m pretty sure we can all agree this would be the best horse racing movie anyone has made. This thing is all written and ready to go. I’m listening, Hollywood.