Karate-Chopping Pig's Thursday News and Views

Look at this karate pig. Have you ever seen a pig what can do karate? I haven’t. What kind of skill level do you think this pig has? Do you think this pig could fight Jackie Chan? Do you think this pig is really good at karate or does he just look good in his karate robe? I don’t care what you say I think he looks cool.

And now, news!

Paul Biancardi says Jamal Murray appears to be a “two-and-a-half horse race.” Whaaaat?

Let me put this in other words for you. Jamal Murray is a “two-point-five-coin power walk,” an “under-three-bicycle ride” or a “2½ donkey ride.” Or, more plainly, that Murray is seriously looking at Oregon and Kentucky, with Michigan being the “half,” meaning that if in fact Michigan is still in it, they become a valid factor. I’m not sure Paul Biancardi knows much about how horse races work. But he does know a lot about how college basketball recruiting works, and that’s why we love him.

WHO’S READY FOR SOME HOT KICKING ACTION?

The 2016 class has yielded another new Cat. Please welcome Findlay, Ohio high school punter Grant McKinniss has decided to kick some footballs for Kentucky. I wish this kid well but I hope we don’t see him on the field a lot. Because that will mean we are failing to convert our third downs. That’s what that will mean. You see what I’m saying?

The UK Basketball numbers are here! The UK Basketball numbers are here!

It would appear that Mychal Mulder will wear number 11, Skal Labissiere will wear number 1 and Isiah Briscoe will wear number 13. If you have been dying to find out what numbers the new recruits will be wearing, there you go! Also you are a huge nerd.

Clay-Davis was torn down at Transy today.

It was the end of an era at Transylvania today as construction crews knocked down the Pioneers’ old dorms. I hope they found my time capsule; it contained a bottle of Red Dog beer, some Dunkaroos and a cassette tape of the Brian Setzer Orchestra. Also, there’s a love letter I wrote to my future wife Lauren Holly but I don’t need that any more so if you find it you can throw that away.

Gregg Doyel is hosting KSR tomorrow.

That means it’s going to be a good one. So sit down beside your radio and listen. And if you’re hard of hearing, you should put one of those horn-things in your ear, too, so you don’t miss anything.

Meanwhile, in South Korean Soccer…

…Striker Kang Soo-Il was barred from making his international debut today after testing positive for an anabolic steroid that he claims was a “moustache-growing cream.” Not only is Kang Soo-il mad tonight that he can’t play soccer, but that dude has to be even more mad that his moustache-growing cream isn’t working.

And Baylor players are stealing home goods.

While we wonder about big things like what number who will be and where Jamal Murray will sign, Baylor players have bigger questions, like “How will I procure two pillows, a water dispenser, a tote bag and a trash can?” to which, allegedly, the answer is “I will steal them from this Wal-Mart,” as that’s exactly what Baylor forward Rico Gathers did on Tuesday. Baylor coach Scott Drew declined comment as he was busy  shopping online for some new Tommy Bahama gear to wear on his vacation to Hilton Head.

Look at this dog. This dog thinks it looks smart just because it is wearing glasses and its hair looks so good. I’M ONTO YOU, DOG!

This dog loves this fan. I’m sure it feels real nice.

Look at this thing? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING? No, I’m serious. What is this? It’s freaking me out. I can’t look at it anymore.

These mice aren’t fooling anyone I know those instruments are fake. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, MICE. THAT SONG DIDN’T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN.

Finally, click here for a live feed of the Cavaliers/Warriors game. Good night!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef9yzgaZgRs