Know Your Enemy: Mississippi State Bulldogs

Aaron Fleneralmost 9 years


Aritcle written by:Aaron FlenerAaron Flener


Mosley, a KSR founding father, once had a feature entitled “Know Your Enemy” in order for UK fans to be fully informed about their next opponent. While Mosley has moved on to bigger and better things, our enemies continue to be part of our life.  I want to keep us prepared on a weekly basis.   “Tis best to weigh the enemy more mighty than he seems.” -Bill Shakespeare   Max Smith is out indefinitely. CoShik Williams' career is over. Kentucky is 1-4. Patrick Towles is no longer wearing a red shirt. The Harrison twins chose UK over Under Armor. We play Maryland in basketball in 35 days.  And Mississippi State's football team is coming to town tomorrow. Come to think of it, I bet they are already in town. These are all facts. What follows from here on out may or not be facts. I invite you to Know Your Enemy: Mississippi State Bulldogs.  
Location:       Mississippi State University is located in Starkville.  Johnny Cash was once arrested for public drunkenness in Starkville and spent the night in jail. Just when you thought Johnny Cash had nothing in common with Mississippi State undergraduates, Wikipedia drops this knowledge. On March 21, 2006, Starkville became the first city in Mississippi to adopt a smoking ban for indoor public places, including restaurants and bars. Starkville also appears on a map of Mississippi in the movie "Borat." Congratulations? Starkville is the site of the Bulldog Bash. "What is the Bulldog Bash?", you ask. Well, since you asked, it's ONLY Mississippi's largest open-air free concert. As opposed to the largest closed air expensive concert. I must admit, Starkville sounds pretty awesome. In summary:  1. Famous musicians party here 2. You can't smoke inside 3. The city is a movie star 4. As long as the air is open, concerts are free.   Heard enough about the greatness Starkville? I don't think you have. Let me share with you how a UK fan living in Starkville feels about the town.   "Starkville can be reached one of two ways: you can either drive your vehicle directly into an active tornado with a vortex that takes you directly from 2012 to 1988 or you pass the third silo after the fifth pregnant Holstein, go right at the worm farm, wave at little Sally Jones who looks like a cross between an English bulldog and Honey Boo Boo. You'll know you've hit campus when the crackle of fresh electricity is replaced by cowbell and the combination of chicken feces, smothering humidity and back sweat overwhelms the senses. My wife and I considered decorating our child's room in a calendar motif so our kid could crap on the wall each day until we can move."   On second thought, I'm out on Starkville.  
 Notable Alumni:
Jerry Clower- Clower passed away in 1998 at the age of 71.  He also played football for Mississippi State once upon a time.  After his time in Starkville, he became a very popular southern comedian. He was an old school story telling comedian, not one of todays shock comics.  I remember listening to Jerry Clower with my Dad when I was younger, and my favorite story he told was about "hot steel balls." (Give it a listen. Ignore the weird animation and techno music at the end.)   John Grisham- After graduating from Mississippi State University, Grisham attended law school at Ole Miss and practiced law for 10 years as well as serving in the Mississippi House of Representatives from 1984-1990.  However, what you probably know about him is that he and his wife teach Sunday school at the First Baptist Church in Oxford, MS. Just kidding, you know his books.  He has a large catalog of legal thrillers. All of which have been read by my father. Nine of them have been turned into movies. A Time to Kill & The Firm are two of his most recognizable titles. Here's a fun fact I found out about John Grisham while I was researching him: He once hid in a restroom to avoid gunfire. While working on a highway asphalt crew in Mississippi at the age of seventeen, a fight broke out among the crew with gunfire from which Grisham ran to the restroom to escape. He did not come out until after the police had "hauled away rednecks". I guess if you're going to have the s*** scared out of you, the restroom is the best place to be.   Jemmye Carroll- Jemmye came into my life when I watched her on my television during The Real World: New Orleans. I realize there comes a day in every man's life when he should stop watching The Real World on MTV, but that day has yet to dawn for me. The Real World is the feeder system for the greatest reality show on television, MTV's The Challenge.  The Real World is to The Challenge what a list of top ten recruits is to Kentucky basketball. It's a lifeline.  Unlike some people who go on the Real World, I really liked Jemmye on the show. She was very honest about her struggles and she took steps to address them. Other than the Real World, she is notable to SEC basketball fans because she is the former "boo" of Kodi Augustus, a former Mississippi State basketball player.  I tried to get her thoughts about Starkville on Twitter in 140 characters or less, but she didn't respond... Just kidding, SHE TOTALLY DID. And she needed more than 140 characters. Don't believe me?           Jemmye likes to have a good time. And Jemmye liked Starkville. And getting harassed by police is definitely my thing. I'm back in on Starkville. (Note: Big Easy is a guy on The Challenge from Lexington. I assume he is a Kentucky fan. I'm sure someone reading can confirm or deny.)   Cheerleader Scouting Report: Unlike Florida and South Carolina, Mississippi State has a reasonable amount of cheerleaders.  The two in the middle are really ugly though. I probably would have tried to hide them on the end or told them the wrong time for the picture.   Football History: Meh. They recently won the SEC in 1941. More recently, they won the western division in 1998. As long as Nick Saban is the coach at Alabama, 1998 will remain the last time they won the west.  Their stadium, Davis Wade Stadium, was built in 1914. And you thought Kentucky had old facilities.     Coach:       Dan Mullen-  Mullen came to Mississippi State in 2009. Prior to that, he was the offensive coordinator at Florida and Utah under Urban Meyer.  Mullen, along with Oregon coach Chip Kelley and former BYU coach Gary Crowton, are part of something called the "New Hampshire mafia" because they have strong ties to New Hampshire.  The "New Hampshire mafia" is the least intimidating organization in the entire world. Mullen is 25-17 overall and 10-15 in the SEC since taking over the reigns for the Bulldogs.  Would Kentucky fans pay big money to be 10-15 in the SEC? *nodding*   Players:   Tyler Russell- Russell takes the snaps from under center for the Bulldogs and apparently spends a lot of time around encyclopedias.  Due to the popularity of baseball at Mississippi State, Russell feels the need to wear his football jersey around campus so people can identify him.  I hope he watched the 30 for 30 "Broke" Tuesday night and has since reconsidered owning that fancy chain.  Chad Bumphis- While most athletes (Tyler Russell, for instance) go to nice jewelry stores to get their jewelry, Chad Bumphis' preferred jeweler is Alvin's Island in Destin, FL. Cameron Lawrence- Cameron needs a lot of things to survive. SLEEVES are not one of them.  He'll take a pony tail holder or a goatee stencil, but if you try to cover his upper arms he is not having it.   Airtight Predictions: 1. Youth will be on the field. 2. Patrick Towles will attempt his first career pass. 3. There will be an annoying ringing sound in your ear. It's not un-eveness in your equilibrium, it's a cowbell.    Summary: In an effort to encourage student attendance, the UK president lifted the tailgating ban. Unfortunately, they are not racing horses inside Commonwealth Stadium tomorrow. I'd expect student attendance to be low. However, I think the rest of our fans will make up for it.  This is a game UK can win. I didn't say WILL win. I said CAN. If Joker has any chance at saving his job, this is a game he must win. By this time tomorrow, we'll know whether or not he got the job done.  Enjoy your weekend.  No matter the outcome, remember what happened at 5:34 pm EST on Thursday.   @AFlenerKSR

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