Know Your Enemy: The Georgia Bulldogs
Mosley, a KSR founding father, once had a feature entitled “Know Your Enemy” in order for UK fans to be fully informed about their next opponent. While Mosley has moved on to bigger and better things, our enemies continue to be part of our life. I want to keep us prepared on a weekly basis.
“Tis best to weigh the enemy more mighty than he seems.” -Bill Shakespeare
Mother nature must be from Kentucky. She gives us beautiful days at Keeneland, great days for fishing and wildlifing (Matt made me say it), and she even sends lightening when the football team is in trouble. If you can have a mother on your side, mother nature has to be in your top five along with mother goose, your own mother, mother Theresa, and your baby mother.
Last week didn't go well. This season has not gone well. Those are facts. More facts: Georgia is coming to town this weekend. The are your enemy. You need to know them.
Location:
I usually spend this portion of the weekly write up tearing down the place in which our enemy is located. I tell you how terrible it is and why no one would ever want to live there. That will not be happening today. When it comes to places in the world, Athens, GA is my favorite. I've traveled to Athens upon two occasions, both within the past year. Both have left me needing to leave due to a lack of hydration, yet also left me aching to go back.
There are restaurants and music everywhere you turn. Downtown, there are over 100 bars within five blocks. I don't know how anyone has ever graduated from the University of Georgia. Their degrees garner a level of respect from me that I've given only to my family and Rob Bromley's injury report. Georgia graduates have not only completed their classwork, they have displayed a level of self control of which most of us normal humans are incapable.
Athens is not the enemy, you guys. Georgia's football team is the enemy.
Notable Alumni and People from Athens (People named Bubba Division):
Bubba Watson (and his wife Angie)
Your reigning Masters champion who uses a pink driver and encourages the crowd to make noise on the first tee at the Ryder Cup is a Georgia graduate. He played golf for the Bulldogs. His wife Angie played basketball for the Lady Bulldogs and then went on to play in the women's professional basketball league the NBA pays for to satisfy title nine.
Bubba Sparxxx
If you are from LaGrange, GA and saw this picture and thought to yourself "Man, that looks a lot like my old pal Warren Anderson Mathis", you are not wrong. That is him. Warren Anderson Mathis is his christian name. He moved to Athens after high school and is now a southern rapper known as Bubba Sparxxx. If you're like most of us, you probably got your first kiss during his most notable song, "Ms. New Booty." I will now attempt to use Bubba Sparxxx lyrics somewhere before the end of this post.
Cheerleader Scouting Report:
Is this a picture of the Georgia cheerleaders or Georgia cheerleader action figures? I'm going "action figures" because that grass looks too nice to be real. I'd also suggest cleaning up this mess of toys before that big storm in the background hits.
Football History:
Better than most. They've claimed 5 national titles. Whatever that means. Can you just claim a national title whenever you want? Hey Joker, you can save your job. Just claim a national title.
Georgia has won the SEC title 12 times. That's 3rd place historically behind Alabama and Tennessee. Better than 4th, I guess.
Coach:
Mark Richt- Mark Richt has pulled off a rare feat at Georgia. He has been just good enough and just frustrating enough to the Bulldog fan base to keep his job yet always remain on the hot seat. THE MAN IS 111-39 ALL TIME AT GEORGIA!!! (If someone did that at Kentucky we might rename the university after them.)
My friend brought up an interesting point when we were discussing Georgia earlier. Have you ever seen Mark Richt and Helen Hunt in the same room or pictured together? I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I haven't. Let's get the side by side and check it out. Pretty similar bone structure, I must say.
Players:
Aaron Murray- Aaron plays quarterback for Georgia. He likes being under center because his center has a real nice "booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere."
Bacarri Rambo- This is the best name in college football. If you ever enter a "best college football name" contest and you don't choose Baccari Rambo, we probably couldn't be friends.
Airtight Predictions:
If you haven't already, as soon as you finish reading this you will immediately YouTube "Bubba Sparxxx- Ms. New Booty." I already have. Let me know what you do then "get it together and bring it back to me."
Summary:
We've won one game. If you are still going to football games there is a special place in Wildcat heaven for you. To make matters worse, my friend Hunter (an Alabama fan) texted me yesterday to say "We play in Lexington next year!" For a moment I wondered if they had a return game with Western Kentucky that needed a bigger venue. Then I realized that we, the Kentucky Wildcats, were going to have to play Alabama in football. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Will this hurt our football recruiting? Will players transfer out to avoid serious injury? Will our whole team be "taking the LSAT" that day?
Kentucky Football 2012: Oh no, we have to play Alabama next year.
@AFlenerKSR
I usually spend this portion of the weekly write up tearing down the place in which our enemy is located. I tell you how terrible it is and why no one would ever want to live there. That will not be happening today. When it comes to places in the world, Athens, GA is my favorite. I've traveled to Athens upon two occasions, both within the past year. Both have left me needing to leave due to a lack of hydration, yet also left me aching to go back.
There are restaurants and music everywhere you turn. Downtown, there are over 100 bars within five blocks. I don't know how anyone has ever graduated from the University of Georgia. Their degrees garner a level of respect from me that I've given only to my family and Rob Bromley's injury report. Georgia graduates have not only completed their classwork, they have displayed a level of self control of which most of us normal humans are incapable.
Athens is not the enemy, you guys. Georgia's football team is the enemy.
Notable Alumni and People from Athens (People named Bubba Division):
Bubba Watson (and his wife Angie)
Your reigning Masters champion who uses a pink driver and encourages the crowd to make noise on the first tee at the Ryder Cup is a Georgia graduate. He played golf for the Bulldogs. His wife Angie played basketball for the Lady Bulldogs and then went on to play in the women's professional basketball league the NBA pays for to satisfy title nine.
Bubba Sparxxx
If you are from LaGrange, GA and saw this picture and thought to yourself "Man, that looks a lot like my old pal Warren Anderson Mathis", you are not wrong. That is him. Warren Anderson Mathis is his christian name. He moved to Athens after high school and is now a southern rapper known as Bubba Sparxxx. If you're like most of us, you probably got your first kiss during his most notable song, "Ms. New Booty." I will now attempt to use Bubba Sparxxx lyrics somewhere before the end of this post.
Cheerleader Scouting Report:
Is this a picture of the Georgia cheerleaders or Georgia cheerleader action figures? I'm going "action figures" because that grass looks too nice to be real. I'd also suggest cleaning up this mess of toys before that big storm in the background hits.
Football History:
Better than most. They've claimed 5 national titles. Whatever that means. Can you just claim a national title whenever you want? Hey Joker, you can save your job. Just claim a national title.
Georgia has won the SEC title 12 times. That's 3rd place historically behind Alabama and Tennessee. Better than 4th, I guess.
Coach:
Mark Richt- Mark Richt has pulled off a rare feat at Georgia. He has been just good enough and just frustrating enough to the Bulldog fan base to keep his job yet always remain on the hot seat. THE MAN IS 111-39 ALL TIME AT GEORGIA!!! (If someone did that at Kentucky we might rename the university after them.)
My friend brought up an interesting point when we were discussing Georgia earlier. Have you ever seen Mark Richt and Helen Hunt in the same room or pictured together? I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I haven't. Let's get the side by side and check it out. Pretty similar bone structure, I must say.
Players:
Aaron Murray- Aaron plays quarterback for Georgia. He likes being under center because his center has a real nice "booty booty booty booty rockin' everywhere."
Bacarri Rambo- This is the best name in college football. If you ever enter a "best college football name" contest and you don't choose Baccari Rambo, we probably couldn't be friends.
Airtight Predictions:
If you haven't already, as soon as you finish reading this you will immediately YouTube "Bubba Sparxxx- Ms. New Booty." I already have. Let me know what you do then "get it together and bring it back to me."
Summary:
We've won one game. If you are still going to football games there is a special place in Wildcat heaven for you. To make matters worse, my friend Hunter (an Alabama fan) texted me yesterday to say "We play in Lexington next year!" For a moment I wondered if they had a return game with Western Kentucky that needed a bigger venue. Then I realized that we, the Kentucky Wildcats, were going to have to play Alabama in football. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Will this hurt our football recruiting? Will players transfer out to avoid serious injury? Will our whole team be "taking the LSAT" that day?
Kentucky Football 2012: Oh no, we have to play Alabama next year.
@AFlenerKSR
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