The Battle for the Governor's Cup is upon us.
It's week three of the season. The sky didn't fall. High school football didn't disband. Fans haven't stayed away in droves. Precisely the opposite of what most of the local media predicted would happen has occurred. This is the most highly anticipated contest between Louisville and Kentucky since the series renewal.
This tailgate will be the pinnacle of the 2007 Wildcat Tailgating season and it will most certainly live up to its billing. On the menu is 14 Beer Can Cardinals and 3 kegs of ice cold beer. Probably seems like overkill, but tis better to have more than less...just ask those little kids on TV that Sally Struthers eats...errr....feeds. We can always knock out the leftover chicken and beer on Sunday while watching the N.F.L. In addition to all the beer and food, we made an upgrade to the Wodiemobile this week by dropping a 37" LCD flatscreen in the back complete with HD antenna/receiver to pick-up the digital signal from the local affiliates. I guess what I'm trying to say is our tailgate is better than yours. Seriously though, anyone is welcome to stop by and
take a swing at me
have a drink with us.
Run. Run. Run. When that fails, run some more. Seriously. Brohm and the UofL offense can score the same number of points as the idiot in the brown sweater starting the wave in section 112 if they're standing on the sideline. None. How do you keep them there? Long sustained drives. Their defense won't be as terrible as it was against Middle School Tennessee, but they still, well kinda suck. My Call: Cats 45 Cards 35. We'll get up by 17-21 and let them have some cheap points late just to pucker the lips of every Cat fan in Commonwealth who has been there for all the come from ahead losses throughout the years.
In the vein of the Five Most Annoying Tailgaters,
this week we shall examine the Five Most Annoying People in the Stadium
, because after all douche baggery doesn't end at the parking lot.
1. Hal Mumme Holdover:
Everyone knows at least one of these NTAC's. First and ten.
Throw it deep. Third and short.
Throw it deep. Fourth and inches.
Throw it deep. Fourth and seven.
Go for it. Run the option.
Get a rope. To this guy running the ball is as foreign a concept as proper hygiene is to a UofL fan. Then there's his defensive philosphy... Defense? What for? We'll just outscore them. Shootout baby. Never mind the fact that most weeks in the SEC we're facing 7 former 5 star recruits and a Heisman Trophy candidate on each side of the ball. Idiot would damn near rather lose 52-45 than win 14-7.
2. Basketball Fan Convert:
Injured player. Start the wave. Third and inches. Start the wave. Blue Out. Wear a brown sweater. Goal line stand....hey is that Darius Miller over there with Billy Clyde...
Pretty much clueless about football. Has no idea about what to do or how to do it at a football game, but thinks he does. Probably is less concerned with the outcome of the game than beating the traffic out of the stadium and getting home at a decent hour. Unfortunately, his kind are as heavily populated at Commonwealth Stadium as UofL grads at the unemployment office.
3. Cheers for Both Teams:
Unfortunately is of no relation to the freaky sorority chick you dated sophomore year. By both teams I mean Kentucky & Louisville. You suck. Switzerland thinks you're a little bitch. Grow a set. Man up. Pick a side. Quite frankly if you consider yourself a fan of both teams, you're probably not much of a fan of either. Louisville can have you. We don't want you. You're actually a disgrace and embarrassment to the entire spirit of college athletics and the very notion of rivalry. No. You don't have to go and rip your rivals junk off in a bar fight,
but it wouldn't hurt to accidentally spill your drink on him. [/Jim Rome]
4. Opposing Fan Badass:
This guy manages to get a ticket to the game, come into a hostile environment and proceed to be a complete and utter jackass to everyone around him. He won't be hard to spot this weekend. Most definitely will be sporting one of those script L hats and making the international sign for Loser with his hand screaming the score of last year's game and accusing Kentucky of being racist cheaters. Great. We get it. You cheer for the other team. Guess what. No one wants to hear your drunk ass spout off how much our team sucks in our own house. You don't go into someone's living room and laugh at their 19 in. television, put your feet on their couch, and spill stuff on their carpet. No. That's grounds for an ass kicking. Same thing. Have some class. Show some respect. Don't disgrace the other fans of your team who know how to go on the road to cheer for their team while not trying to piss off the entire rest of the stadium.
5. My Sister:
Or it could be your sister or perhaps your wife. Her act goes something like this: Who is number 3? What down is it? How did they score? Is that ________ over in the next section? Mom's on the phone and wants to talk to you about something. I need to go to the restroom. Can you buy shirts here at the stadium? Who is number 3 again? Is he good? Whatever happened to Tim Couch? Oh he's cute, I bet he's good.
I made the mistake of going to a Cincinnati Reds game last season with my mom and sister for mother's day. Combined they might have witnessed six at bats. True Story. It's always a constant barrage of ridiculous questions. The cell phone never gets a rest. It's almost enough to make you want to go sit with the idiot wearing the L Yeah t-shirt with the chain wallet. Almost.
I can sum up how nice the weather will be on Saturday with a picture:
Pretty much perfect, just like Jessica Alba.
Other Random Stuff
Yeah, none of that stuff matters this week.
Apologies & Retractions
This space intentionally left blank.