After reading this guy's column about four or five times and conferring with two other people, the verdict was made that while most of his column was sarcasm, there is no possible way any humor could be found in the Patrick Patterson line (still the consensus). However, it now seems that I'm the big dummy and the only thing Cam Martin is guilty of is catching me on a boring Monday where I'm irritable. So, have a look below and a laugh at my expense. I'm an idiot and a washed-up, has-been blogger. Still, no one puts Patrick in the corner!
Sometimes, as a fan, you come across things that irritate you when they're written about your favorite team. It's only natural. Sports columnists and even ESPN exist at least partially based on the speculative and opinionated nature of every sports fan. As angry as you might get at hearing Lee Corso say your team has no shot against your rival or how absurdly ridiculous Pat Forde is when he says your coach isn't worth the cheap towel he's chewing on, you can reason that it's just their opinion. It's not like they just made up a fact and threw it in their story.
Unless you're this guy.
Meet ESPN.com's Cam Martin. Since the only mediocre writing I subject myself to appears on this site at 10 am every day, I wasn't very familiar with him until today. Mr. Martin, a Vandy grad, apparently is a special (in what way, I'm not sure) to ESPN.com and has written for the Greenwich (Conn.) Time and The Advocate in Stamford, Conn. He's also written online for CBS and Comcast New England. Basically, he's been about as close to the Kentucky program as Charles Manson has this decade. But, that didn't stop him from including this little gem in his column today:
Patrick Patterson is reportedly second-guessing his decision to bypass the NBA draft and return to Kentucky, where a bunch of snot-nosed freshmen are stealing his thunder.
All legitimate questions regarding his qualifications to write on ESPN aside (what wit!), you will not find one player, coach, media member, student manager, cheerleader, fan, janitor, professor, barber, tailor, waitress or even the preacher that screams at you outside of Wildcat Book Store that would even remotely acknowledge any validity in this statement. Accusing someone of making something up in journalism is like walking over to someone's house, taking a crap on their front porch, ringing the door bell, punching them in the face and then flipping them the bird. Cam Martin, I'm walking up your sidewalk.
Is it completely believable that a star athlete would get jealous of a few guys his junior coming in and wowing fans with their play and their charisma? Sure. Is it possible that Patrick Patterson is feeling that way? Highly doubtful, but possible, I guess. Is it possible that he made mention to anyone at all, let alone a guy who's closest connection to UK appears to be the Bill Parcells rumor? Completely impossible.
And that what makes this far more offensive than Jemele Hill making an off-the-cuff attempt at humor. This is a blatant lie. And it's a lie that attacks the character of a guy who has built a legacy on his integrity and work ethic. It's a completely unneccessary attack on someone who, by all accounts of people based in Lexington and not Connecticut, is back in school for a lot of reasons not involving the NBA. It's a statement that's offensive to Patrick Patterson. It's offensive to his parents. It's offensive to John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins and Eric Bledsoe and, basically, every player on that team. And, even by tucking it away on Page 2, it's a statement that ESPN and Cam Martin should address.
There's one name on that story that's screaming out for attention and its not Patrick Patterson. I'm sure you can figure it out, though (hint: he looks like Luke Harangody).