Mor-mania

Mor-mania

John Dubyaalmost 15 years

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Aritcle written by:John DubyaJohn Dubya
As the hours of Christmas quickly fade into the second busiest shopping day of the year, my sugar-plumed thoughts always turn to prayer and the real meaning of this Holiday. This year was no exception, only now I could no longer ignore a glaring trend in the realm of theological athletics. Both BYU and Utah capped off impressive seasons with resounding Bowl victories. Some often wonder, how do these 26 year old balding blondies continue to have success in the world of athletics? Well, I think it’s about time we gave props to Mormonism. It simply must be a touch of divine intervention that propels these Mormonites to victory week in and week out. Why, this season alone BYU had 2 more wins than Brigham Young had wives...I don’t know how many that is, but the fact that Brigham Young had sleeves of wives is even more reason to side with the Morms. The more I ponder it, the more plausible I find it to believe that Jesus was in fact a Westerner. Hey, they have mangers in Kansas too, ok? So this is for you Ty Detmer. Steve Young. Danny Ainge. Donny Osmond. Sprite. Dodge Chrysler Minivan. You’ve spent years showcasing the strength of your faith on the hardwood, the gridiron, and the bicycle, and we as a protestant/catholic nation have blindly turned up our nose to your brand. No longer. For you, Mormon athlete, have given us all a reason to trust...to dream; and for that, I say thank you and Merry Christmas. Now...get off my porch.

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2021-10-20