Movie Posters Explained By Kids: Fall 2016 Edition

Matthew Mahoneabout 5 years


image In this Funkhouser series, I conduct spontaneous interviews with my daughters, "A" age 10 and "E" age 7, where they are shown an image of  a theatrical movie poster and asked to share their insight in an attempt to decipher the forthcoming feature film's plot.   Welcome to "Movie Posters Explained By Kids".
The Edge of Seventeen (September 2016) edge_of_seventeen A:  "This movie's about a girl who's seventeen, and she goes back in time to get young again, because she has a bunch of problems.  Her Dad's mean, and he won't buy her a phone, even though all her friends have one, and he won't let her do anything cool.  So why won't you buy me a phone, Dad?  Oh, she also hates her car.  I am not driving Elizabeth (family minivan) when I'm seventeen!" E:  "A girl and she's seventeen who gets her first car.  But she didn't listen to her parents, and she drove her car with her sister in it, to the very edge of a cliff and went errrrrrrrtttt, right off the cliff.  I jumped out of the car, but her sister was still in it, and she's dead now.  I bet she's missing that car–it was really cool." Blair Witch (September 2016) Blair-Witch-poster A:  "About a witch that lives in the forest that attacks people and her name is Blair obviously!"   E:  "She's a witch that lives in the woods, but she's a nice witch.  Everyone thinks she's mean 'cause the way she looks.  She has a green face, a broom that she rides on, a pointy black hat with a yellow line and everyone hates her evil little laugh.  It might be annoying and sometimes scary, but I'd be her friend, 'cause she probably doesn't have one." 31 (September 2016) 31_finish_27x40_teaser_digital_01 A:  "Oh that's creepy!  The movie is about zombies and how they take over the world in an ice cream truck.  The zombies have to eat people now that they ran out of every flavor of ice cream." E:  "That's like the ice cream truck that comes in our neighborhood Dad!  That guy is creepy.  Did they make a movie about him?  Is he famous?  He never stops for anyone, like ever.  He just plays that weird music over-and-over-and-over again and speeds up anytime he sees us.  Did Mom buy any ice cream at the store?"  (Goes to fridge, making inaudible she's yelling at her sister for eating her ice cream) Antibirth (September 2016) antibirth-movie-poster A:  "I don't get it!  Doesn't make sense at all.  My guess is, it will be dumb!" E:  "My guess is, I'm not gonna guess!" Masterminds (September 2016) Masterminds_2015_FilmPoster A:  "Easy.  To me it looks like people that steal money from a bank, and they get rich, but they're not that smart." E:  (Crying) "A, why did you eat my ice cream, that's not fair!"   A:  "You know what's not fair?  Dad not buying me a phone!  It's not smart either." Ouija:  The Origin of Evil (October 2016) Ouija-Origin-Evil-poster A:  "About that creepy game, O-HI-O, or whatever it's called, with that hole in the thing that moves.  It's not scary because my friend said its fake, just like the game Life." E:  "The girl plays the game and gets sucked inside it just like Jumanji.  Yeah, like scary Jumanji.  I want to play that game." Bad Santa 2 (November 2016) bad_santa_two_xlg A:  "Santa isn't bad.  This is a bad example, because he doesn't act like that, Dad.  This isn't right." E:  "Bad Santa gives coal to people and pees on your stuff at Christmas, when you've been bad.  (Whispers how Bad Santa will do the same thing to her sister)  He's mean and he went crazy–cut his beard off and said, I Quit!  His elf friend is there to help him clean up."

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