Ozzie Guillen --- Friend to All

Now just for the record, we try to never talk about baseball on this blog. Its a slow, boring game and while I occasionally find interest (usually at the beginning of the season, just in time to lay down a ton of money for MLB Extra Innings, only to forget that I even have it in two months), it is way down on my list of priorities. But sometimes the stories that come out of our alleged national pasttime are very funny. Today the story comes that Ozzie Guillen, he of the hot temper and World Series Champion Chicago White Sox, called Jay Mariotti the three letter word that we all know is a derogatory slur about gay people. Now let me make myself clear. I HATE Jay Mariotti. There is no commentator that combines the worst of the self-important bombast and loud, idiotic ramblings that defines too many modern sports writers than Mariotti. Watching him on Around the Horn literally makes my head want to explode. But having said that, one should not use that term as it is truly offensive to most homosexuals. But rather than beat up on Guillen (I will let the self-righteous sports writers who use those same words (and I have heard them often) on press rows of major sporting events all the time, but will now get high and mighty do that for now) about the use of the word, I prefer to focus on his "apology." From the apology he said: ''"Guillen also told Couch that he has gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago." I cannot imagine a funnier apology. In order to show that Guillen is a friend to gays, he refers to the old cliche (some of my friends know gay people), makes a broad generalization (although a correct one likely) about the WNBA fan base, and then compartmentalizes all Madonna fans (I am surprised he didnt use Streisand) as being of the non-straight variety. He then adds that he is going to the Gay Games in Chicago, which I virtually guarantee he is not. In the large world of celebrity attempts at apology, this may be my favorite. I am surprised he didnt throw in that he loved fashion, listens all the time to N Sync, was a child figure skater and has been compared to the Turkey Hunter, just for good measure. And by the way, for those of you wondering, that is an actual picture of Guillen celebrating after the World Series win last year.