SEC Slant

What was supposed to be an "also-ran" Saturday turned out to be quite titilliating, no? "Exposure Saturday," as renegade journalist John Wilkinson termed it, was indeed rather revealing, as five of the top 10 teams were stripped of their lustrous sheaths by an army of uncertainty. What's left is an eclectic top 10 gumbo even ol' Dave can appreciate, comprised of equal parts familiarity and insanity. USF is a (appropriately enough) top 10 greenhorn, and illustrate how meager the Big East is. The same can be said for Boston College and the ACC. Then there's Kentucky, whom we hit in stride in the slant... Kentucky (FAU W 45-17)---(in the faaabulous voice of Robin Leach) "The Kentucky Wildcats are certainly living 'la vida buena' these days. Not only are they upping the ante on the field, but off it as well. Sunday night they were spotted at the after hours Vegas hot-spot, "Copper", where they were reportedly posted up VIP sipping Cristal with fellow SEC dynamo, LSU, and were later seen taking a shot of Patrone, off of Hillary Duff's naval." There's an unmistakable smell of legitimacy wafting through the Bluegrass these days, which if you didn't know, smells like Paula Dean's kitchen on a Sunday Afternoon. They got everything they needed out of FAU, and were rewarded with unprecedented accolades. As I see it, there are really only three things capable of slowing this offense: 1. Injuires 2. Fumbles 3. LSU (with Lones Sieber also recieving votes). The defense continues to struggle against the run, but they're making some plays too. And would you believe UK has the #25 stingiest pass defense in the nation? If the D can just keep getting the stops when they have to and get it back in Woodson's hands a couple of times a game, there's no reason to think they can't make a serious push for Atlanta. We're all skeptical of the ranking, but it won't take long to find out of it's legit. Next Game: @South Carolina 10/4 like Turtle, Kentucky fans are just happy to be here Florida (Auburn L 20-17)---Boy, this is a no-no. Auburn? In The Swamp? Go ahead an roll out the excuses: "Auburn isn't as bad as they've played", "The Gators were obviously looking ahead to LSU", or "Tebow had an oil leak", but there really isn't a valid one. Sure, Auburn stepped it up a few notches, but it was hardly a world-beating performance--which should be a requisite for defeating #3 in the nation in their hostile habitat. The young Gator defense, for all its speed, is still learning how to put together a full game, and we all know about Tebow and Harvin, but trying to win the SEC without a true RB "is like tryin to get oil from a water spout" (there John Michael, will you stop bugging me now?). Next Game: @LSU 10/6 Auburn---Kicker Wes Bynum must've come home to a QB's welcome (wink, wink, nudge), after (twice) nailing a 43-yard FG as time expired, all but salvaging a season though to be nestled somewhere in Sly Croom's belly. QB Brandon Cox stood strong in the pocket and avoided sucking, and the defense was phenomenal (although all-world DE Quinton Groves may miss a few games). And you gotta love the mock gator chop from the freshman kicker after nailing the kick. Enjoy the moment kid, come next Saturday you'll be reminded of your place on the food chain when you're strapping on your cute little shoulderpads, throwing on the two-bar helmet, and lacing up the "bootie." Next Game: Vanderbilt 10/6 I like to think Auburn was touched by the spirit of Steve Irwin, and that Disney will make a movie about it South Carolina (Miss St W 38-21)---Sloppy at times, but ever opportune, the Cocks handled what is beginning to be a pesky bunch of Bulldogs. RS Frosh Chris Smelley, who is battling FSU’s D'Coty Fagg and Arkansas’s Casey Dick for this year’s “Bevis Award,” looks like he could be a dangerous Spurrier-ite for years to come. The Cocks boast the nation's leading pass defense (106 ypg), but as State's Anthony Dixon illustrated, you can run on them (201 ypg). The offense was starving for a boost, and Smelley looks like the guy to effectively aid RB Cory Boyd and continually feed WR Kenny McKinley. There are some holes (the man in the visor, for one), and more injuries, but beat is the team who doubts The OBC. Next Game: Kentucky 10/4 Mississippi St---You gotta give it up for Sly Croom's Bulldogs. After being ritualistically sacrificed by LSU for all the world to see, there was little reason to doubt Croom was about to munch his last handful of Worther's Original in Starkville. But a 3 game win streak and competitive play in Columbia suggests a glimmer of hope in a town that usually has to get their hope elsewhere and smuggle it back in, or, "hope importation," as it's taught. So it was no surprise when backup QB Josh Riddell tore his ACL Saturday, leaving the Dogs 2 QB's down. I know what you're asking, and no, I can't imagine what the guy behind Michael Henig's backup is like as a passer... Next Game: UAB 10/6...I like what you're doin here State, get those dubyas while they're hot Alabama (Florida St L 21-14)---Did this game kinda sneak up on anyone else? Boy, twelve years ago this would've been the "it" game (not in HD), now, merely the backdrop for a post-tailgate nap. Florida State is not a very good football team, even though they have better than average athletes and finally benched Drew Weatherford. Alabama had plenty of opportunities to take this thing, but their offense was atrocious. I'm not quite sure to make of the Tide right now. Then again, I'm not sure what to make of the whole damned conference. Next Game: Houston 10/6 Other Games: LSU 34 Tulane 9 UGA 45 Ole Miss 17 Arkansas 66 North Texas 7 Standings (may we never forget this sweet, sweet moment...somebody make a t-shirt): East (8) Kentucky 5-0 1-0 (9) Florida 4-1 2-1 (11) South Carolina 4-1 2-1 (12) Georgia 4-1 2-1 Vanderbilt 3-1 1-1 Tennessee 2-2 0-1 West (1) LSU 5-0 2-0 Alabama 3-2 2-1 Auburn 3-2 1-1 Miss St 3-2 1-2 Arkansas 2-2 0-2 Ole Miss 1-4 0-3 SEC Pa'er Rankings: 1. LSU--next week against the vengeful Gators will tell us if that pretty new ranking is worthy. 2. Kentucky--what else is new? 3. South Carolina--Spurrier is already concocting trickery in his lab 4. Georgia--looking better each week 5. Florida--who was their only loss last season? Yep, Auburn 6. Alabama--looking worse each week 7. Vanderbilt--quietly going through the motions, but winning 8. Auburn--now the fans get to act like they didn't want Tuberville ousted 9. Tennessee--yes, they're still in the SEC this year 10. Miss St--keep fightin the good fight 11. Arkansas--man, McFadden is getting dicked over 12. Ole Miss--"sometimes I feel, sometimes I feel, like I've been tied, to the whippin' post..." This clip comes to us from Arkansas, where surpirse, surprise, it begins rather comical before taking on a subtle, creepy tone. Let's only hope Kige Ramsey never hurts like this: Social Capital at its core.