If there's one thing
that any editor will tell you, it's that the news sells papers, but a good angle will bring those same customers back. As the NCAA Tourney season begins, so begins the annual barrage of human interest stories concerning amazing athletes overcoming incredible odds, coaches who have defied the norm, and teams whose heart has brought them to the Dance. These stories, inevitably, will be peppered throughout CBS' broadcast of the tournament -- with the intention of having us learn that there is a human side to this roundball game that shares a common thread in our own lives.
As a public service to you, the Reader, I have sifted through and collected the angles for the many human interest stories you'll see over the next few weeks. This will allow you to pick and choose your favorite triumphs of the human spirit. You're welcome.
Lost two teammates to bad clams during an away trip to Valparaiso.
Central Connecticut State
Has more players graduating with a degree in Animal Husbandry than any other school.
Former Angels' first baseman Wally Joyner gives the Cougars a rousing pep talk before each game.
Team collectively knits a quilt on any bus ride exceeding two hours.
Dedicating this season to the late Bam Bam Bigelow.
Fought the NCAA for the right to wear Jams as a uniform.
Reached an agreement that, should they win, the state will honor the team's request to exhume the body of Zachary Taylor for autopsy.
Has no gym, plays games in the parking lot of an area Men's Wearhouse.
Promised Barbaro, just before he died, that they'd win it for him.
Mascot is suffering from dutch elm disease.
Point guard is a ghost.
Refusing to play at any time slot coinciding with Grey's Anatomy.
Cheerleading squad is deathly afraid of robots.
Head Coach Dana Altman's skull is on the outside of his face.
Has the blues.
Senior Rich Young once met Richard Dean Anderson in an elevator.
Cried at the end of Con-Air.
Hates birthdays, declares that it's staying 39.
Over half the team has debilitating neck problems from wearing oversized sunglasses.
Head Coach Tom Izzo's battle with an ingrown hair.
Forward Sonny Weems battle with incontinence.
Superstar Kevin Durant's battle with ninjas.
New Mexico State
Can't stop sweating.
Regrets that it has but one life to give for its country.
Practices in full Revolutionary War regalia.
Has an openly metrosexual player.
Is combining this post-season with its annual "Let Go and Let God" fund drive.
Has seen The Departed
, like, twelve times already.
Is indifferent toward global warming.
Was recently captivated by a Latin etymologist's speech on the Greek Neuter Plural roots of the word hoya
Going to Europe this summer to "find itself."
Is constantly asked to play "Nothing Left to Borrow" by people who think they are the bluegrass-alt-country band of the same name.
Head Coach Tubby Smith hand-picked his entire 2006 team from a particularly attentive Rafferty's wait staff.
Is the safe word for Bill Raftery and Lesley Visser.
Once knew this guy who totally drank a bottle of Jaeger in fifteen minutes.
Still reeling from a team headband requirement violation earlier this season.
Team is adapting to new "Two for flinching" rule.
Warms up before games to The Very Best of Anne Murray.
Team denies they had anything to do with J. Lo's speculated pregnancy.
Recently lost three days of class and practice time when the Dairy Queen caught on fire.
Is sorry it started that thing about your sister.
Is single-handedly responsible for the extinguishing of the 2005 California wildfires.
Team battling delusion that it is covered in snakes.
Freshman guard Russell Westbrook can eat forty tacos in ten minutes.
Coached by Wings
funnyman Steven Weber.
Was lost at sea for ten days, forcing them to eat eight practice balls.
Is for real.
Freshman Chase Budinger wishes people would stop calling him Bud.
Reported ties to the Irish Republican Army.
Voted for Ace Young over 1,000 times during the 2006 season of American Idol.
Doesn't care what you say. Bones
is a good show.
Plays bridge with the elderly on Tuesdays and Friday nights.
Thinks it looks better with short hair.
Senior guard Kieran Piller can only shoot a foul shot after reciting T.S. Elliot's The Wasteland
in its entirety.
Plans to commit mass suicide when the Great Mother Bird comes back from heaven for them.
Won episode #1032 of Family Double Dare
in November 1989.
Has a thing about the consistency of fish, doesn't care for it.
Won two of their conference tournament games on the flop.
Four of five starters have Irritable Bowel Syndrome; fifth has lazy eye.
Texas A&M CC
Has had explosive diarrhea for two weeks.