The Turkey Hunter Returns: Ode to Football Season
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The Turkey Hunter Returns: Ode to Football Season

Matt Jonesover 14 years


Article written by:Matt JonesMatt Jones
300px-600px_muffin-top.jpeg One of the sadder parts of the offseason is that without games to make fun of, the posts coming from the great Turkey Hunter are often much less common. But now, like the crisp breeze in the air, he has returned. Thus we bring you the Turkey Hunter on football season: Last night, I stood on my patio listening to the familiar sounds that mark the return of fall classes on the campus of the University of Kentucky. Its comforting to once again hear the off key melodies of the band practicing in the distance, the thump of bass coming from the Keys blocks away, and the deafening sounds of panties dropping as the cougars see the sight of Billy Clyde walking the streets. This is a tough time of year for all of us as we secretly (or in my case not secretly at all) wish we had missed a couple of credits somewhere along the way. But you can’t; You f’ed up royally by graduating, even if you did the Intern’s victory lap. If your like me, you put off the real world a bit longer in some sort of post- graduate education, only to discover two things: Number one, the stunner ladies you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting on the undergrad side of campus do not often continue their education into the professional fields. And the ones that do are more apt to trade in their tube tops for muffin tops somewhere along the way. Number two, those muffin tops don’t get any better out in the real world. But fear not frat boys of Christmas past: hope springs eternal to once again revive and relive your glory days as the football season quickly approaches. UK football has always been a good time, even in those losses that were harder to take than an evening doing the dirty bird on a 100 million dollar rape stand. The fall brings about one constant (besides Matt’s age on his Myspace page), you go to the football games, you have a good time. I hate leaving summer as much as anyone; bikinis and blender-drinks are right in my wheel-house. But it is a lot easier to move on when I know tail-gating season is right around the corner. For a few hours, 8 Saturdays this fall, you can put your hat on backwards and return to being the raging a-hole you were just a few short years ago. And you SHOULD. I usually take a couple of posts a year and bash the fans that leave the basketball games early or skip out on a football game cause their nipples are too hard. But not this time. No, this year I will save my tongue lashings for the Two Keys spilloff sure to come over for a nightcap. The boys in blue and white have earned the respect of those who go for the football as much as the party. We have a set of skillposition players who are on the top of theircollective game and a defense with an attitude to punish some people. I for one, cannot WAIT for that ball to get teed up and scream through my bourbon tainted breath to see some EKU helmets pop off. Take this thread to share some of the things that get you pumped up about the return of Kentucky football and drinking in parking lots on Saturdays.

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