Turkey Hunter Reports on Billy Clyde Press Conference

This is from the Turkey Hunter.....only two weeks late: Since my day job for the past several years has put me in daily contact with the “misfit toys” of society at a rate only Bob Huggins knows, most often I find it best if strangers don’t recognize me on the street. My career coupled with the fact that I spend leisure time with ladies slightly less stable than the New Madrid fault leads me to believe that a life of anonymity helps ensure my name and the word “dead” do not end up in the same sentence prematurely. However, since the Billy Clyde Press Conference, I now get approached regularly by people in public who only saw me on television for mere moments and assume I had a particular purpose or responsibility in being there. Let me address that first- I didn’t. That day I was fortunate enough to tag along with Matt Jones, THE Bruce Dickinson of UK recruiting information, and demonstrate to the world my media prowess by trying not to sneeze while on camera. I was only partially successful. In between questions, I looked around, soaking up the moment of UK history I was privileged to witness, and attempted to make sense of the travesty that was Christopher Kross’s shirt choice. I am a firm believer in presenting myself in a professional manner when at work or representing my position of employment. The image I try to portray is one of integrity and professionalism. That said, when filling in on the radio show, I just try not to do anything that would set us on fire. But an occasion such as the announcement of a new coach at the University of Kentucky demanded that I be on my best behavior and savor every moment. The rarity of such an event is a testament to the relative success each coach at the university has previously enjoyed (Eddie- I lump you in only by association). I mean come on- we’ve had less change in the coaching department in nearly a century than Andy Richter has failed sitcoms, there are Baldwins, or Matt will have marriages. For that reason, and that reason alone, I did not raise my hand to ask Mr. Strickland why he spared Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds. Instead, I simply enjoyed Billy’s handling of the media’s questions with class and plainspoken humor, the great turnout by the students, and the general awe of the moment. However, there were some things that I need to address from the perspective of a guy who was merely enjoying the moment rather than scribbling down every from the new coach. 1. Mickie Demoss scared me. I know she barely weighs a buck, but she possessed all the femininity of a World’s Strongest Man competition. She was a good coach and I’m sad she left, but a little piece of me was worried she was not above pistol whippin’ a stranger just because she could. 2. The only person at the press conference less relevant to the event than me was the Heavy Hitter. I am sure he gives more money to the program each year than I’ll ever make, but at least I am “covering” it- albeit two weeks late. He was shorter than you think but as fat as you imagine. His soul was conspicuously absent. 3. Even though he would of had the ole Turkey Hunter removed quicker than a lump on his testicle had he been informed of my presence, Scott Strickland coordinated the event very well. He did an excellent job of getting the microphones to the questioning press without distracting from the true stars of the day. Had I wanted to ask one, I am certain he would have subtly cued one of his fine staffers to my chair and allowed me to introduce myself while posing my query. Then he would have quietly had me arrested. 4. The players present at the conference all seemed very nice and well spoken. Even though they gave the northern Kentucky walk-on kid nobody knows space to entertain questions that obviously weren’t coming, every player present did make himself available to field inquiries concerning the previous week’s events. With that said, I only saw about 45 points a game if those guys were forced to play last year’s schedule on their own. 5. Kenny Walker, Scott Hisenhoodle, and Preston Lemaster had no previous engagements preventing their attendance at the conference. This was not surprising. In the end, it was indeed a very great day to be a part of this blog and crew. And for those that see me somewhere and assume that my affiliation with the show makes me qualified to answer questions about players, coaches, or radio: I am going to take a page from my eighth grade friend Jeremy Craft, who in the face of a presentation* for which he had prepared nothing, I too will totally make something up. *Instead of the 5 page creative writing assignment issued a week prior, Jeremy composed a 150 word poem during the morning episode of Channel One entitled “My Sister is a Big Flying Dog” based on his sister and her resemblance to Falcore in The Never-ending Story ** **He got an F.