Twitter 101: Special Louisville Edition

Everyone take a seat, please. Quiet down. Quiet down. Hey, you in the back, you have five seconds to finish your Faygo and throw it away. Food and drink are prohibited in this classroom. And put your cigarette out, too. Don't make me tell you again. Now, WELCOME to a very special "Introduction to Twitter" course, or "Twitter 101" for short. Today, you, Louisville fans, will learn how to properly use the popular social media network to better communicate with peers, receive timely news updates, connect with your target audience, and, most importantly, talk trash to Kentucky fans. Many of you are already very active on Twitter, but Twitter 101 will teach you new tricks and methods to maximize usability while not looking like a complete douchebag. Because, honestly, 99% of you do. Let's get started. There are over 500 million people using Twitter all over the world, so finding an available Twitter handle is not easy. In fact, it can be very frustrating. You know that feeling when you're scrambling to find a bottle of Crown Royal on the morning of a home football game? It can be nearly impossible. That's because so many people are looking for the very same thing you are. Demand outweighs supply. In this case, demand is a catchy, clever Twitter handle that hasn't already been claimed. Now, think about those times you can't find Crown and you're already running late for the tailgate. It's a nightmare, isn't it? Your T-Mobile is ringing off the hook and "Where u at dogg?" text messages flood your inbox from everyone already out there. They're irritated because it's your Saturday to bring the dice and you're nowhere to be found. So what do you do? You compromise. You settle for what you can obtain. You buy Canadian Club, Canadian Hunter, or Royal Canadian. It's not what you set out to get, but it will get the job done. Choosing a Twitter handle is no different. If @CardStrong, @CardNation, or @GoCards are unavailable, you may have to add a number to the end of the handle. Try @CardStrong88, @CardNation1, or @GoCards3333. It's not what you originally wanted, but like the Saturday morning Crown Royal hunt, sometimes you have to settle for something close if your first choice isn't there. LET ME MAKE ONE THING CLEAR ABOUT TWITTER HANDLES BEFORE WE MOVE ON. DO NOT select a Twitter handle that gives UK fans a reason to make fun of you. Write that down. DO NOT select a Twitter handle that gives UK fans a reason to make fun of you. There are three easy rules to help keep this from happening: Rule #1: Avoid anything containing "DaVille" Rule #2: You're not a "BOSS," "DAWG," or "SOLDIER," and if you were, I wouldn't have to tell you to refrain from calling yourself one. Rule #3: The number 69 is unacceptable. In short, keep it as classy as possible. Plain and simple. This isn't up for debate. There is nothing wrong with using Twitter to insult others, specifically Kentucky fans and KSR. Just be good at it and keep it in good fun. DO: Be creative! Be original! DON'T: Do this... That embarrasses the entire fanbase. There's no place for that.   DO: Be witty! Be funny! DON'T: Do this... AIDS too? It seems unnecessary with the whole death by car wreck thing. I've noticed most of you struggle with grammar -- or "grammer", as you call it -- on Twitter. That is UNACCEPTABLE. If you're ever in doubt, refer back to the English manual you were given with your GED Prep Test. Here are a few examples... Your/You're "Your a little bitch." "You're a little bitch." "Your Cats are going down!" "You're Cats are going down!"   There/Their/They're There are too many UK fans in this bar. Their are too many UK fans in this bar. They're are too many UK fans in this bar. There basketball players got paid. Their basketball players got paid. They're basketball players got paid. There going to get spanked by the Cards! Their going to get spanked by the Cards! They're going to get spanked by the Cards! A hashtag is used to mark keywords or topics in a Tweet. It was created organically by Twitter users as a way to categorize messages, but it can also be a great way to make your tweet really jump off the page or out of the smartphone. Take UK's hashtags, for example: #BBN #WeAreUK #GoBigBlue They're very straightforward, which is why they're frequently used by Kentucky fans.   But let's look at some of Louisville's most popular hashtags: #CardSoHard #BirdGang #L1C4   No. No. No. No. Go back to the drawing board. Take everything you've learned today and it should save you from being a douchebag on Twitter. BUT, at the end of the day, only YOU can prevent douchebaggery. Good luck with that, Louisville fans.   Class dismissed.