UK Announces Hiring of Strongman; Can Tractor-Tire Squats Be Far Behind?

Yes, it is true that the University of Kentucky has hired a new Strength and Conditioning Coach in getting Syracuse’ Todd Forcier to come on board. However, I believe there is no way to evaluate whether this is a good hire or not because we know so little about how S&C Coaches go about getting players stronger and/or more conditioned. While we can certainly point to Ramel Bradley’s arms and Joe Crawford’s lack of a man-boob supporting undershirt last year as proof of Holsopple’s handiwork, it also seemed that last year’s Cats were not the best conditioned in the way of stamina. I first noticed during the Memphis game where the Cats looked winded despite playing 12 players and continued to note this during the season. Perhaps Holsopple was long on lifting objects of great mass, but short on making the lads run suicides (the Turkey Hunter would be making a Benoit-related joke here). My preference would be for Universities to publish a few stats to go along with the new S&C Coach hire much like you see Won-Loss records when new head coaches are hired. Fortunately, for you, the reader (or listener if you’re blind and have one of those read-it-for-you machines) KSR always goes the extra mile (except when I don’t feel like it, or when Drumline is on TNT) and this instance is no different. I have a colleague in Divinity School at Syracuse and he was able to secure some confidential records from the University providing some clarity to the mystery that is Todd Forcier. The following is a list of notes that my friend gathered by combing University records, reading Forcier’s UK S&C Strategy, and by walking through the male dorm at four in the morning with a zip-loc bag full of Splenda: 1) Mr. Forcier requires his players to become very informed about nutrition as his philosophy is that nutrition is 40% of one’s success in physical fitness. 2) The Syracuse basketball team found Mr. Forcier to be very demanding, but also very reasonable in his requests. 3) Mr. Forcier maxes out at 425 lbs. in the bench, and was competitive in cross-country while in high school. 4) Mr. Forcier’s weight-lifting regimen is very simple: Day 1: Bench Press and Bicep Curl, Day 2: Triceps, Day 3: See Day 1, Day 4: See Day 2, and you’d better not be thinking about doing back or legs, because back and legs don’t get you noticed! 5) Every player should immediately begin growing a healthy handlebar mustache. You will want to curl it on the ends with bees’ wax. 6) Todd Forcier is of French descent, ensuring that time won’t be wasted on formalities or showers. 7) Mr. Forcier requires his players to ingest 4 of Ol’ Doc Rathbone’s Liver Pills and eat a quart of treacle every day because this combination, “quickens up the humours!” Eight) Each player is required to spend a half-hour in the sweat-box (the steam-filled box where only the head of the person sticks out). 9) “Squat-thrusts are all the conditioning that a man needs”. 10) Posing is essential to a man’s success. After workouts, we will do fifteen minutes partner posing (where you critique your partner’s various poses) and fifteen minutes of individual mirror posing–Ramel Bradley will lead this section. There you have it, no more surprises from incoming S&C Coaches. We welcome Todd Forcier to the Big Blue Nation and hope that he whips our boys in to shape for what is sure to be Billy G’s “Forty Minutes of Fury” (Copyright 2007, Mosley Enterprises, LLC).