Musings from Arledge: Some good things, a boring offense and thoughts on the Pac-12
Well, that’s about what I expected. San Jose State wasn’t a patsy, and they acquitted themselves well. They’re not loaded with NFL draft picks – the program averages about one drafted player per year – but that’s a decent team that should have some success in its lower-tier conference. That’s the kind of team you should play in your opener, and the Trojans got the win.
And they didn’t even have to hang on for dear life like the Sooners and Ducks did.
We also saw some good things. The secondary is deep, well-coached, and good. There were very few penalties and only one turnover, which means Clay Helton’s three-year plan for instilling some discipline seems to be right on schedule. Kedon Slovis didn’t get hurt. Both Drakes can catch the football.
Those are good things.
But – and I’m going to get myself in trouble with many of you right now – there’s something that needs to be said. USC is in the entertainment capital of the world. It’s the program that gave us Reggie and Leinart and A-list celebs on the sidelines. It’s in the town that gave us the Showtime Lakers, red carpets and summer blockbusters, Guns n’ Roses and Marilyn Monroe. It’s not a town that tolerates boring. But that was a boring game from a largely boring program.
I know. I can hear the howls of protest already. The Twitter mob wants me cancelled. The true Trojan fans want me to apologize. But it’s true, and deep down you know it’s true.
In the fourth quarter, that was a 13-7 game against a non-descript opponent, and the only touchdown came via a short field. Graham Harrell’s offense consists largely of dinking and dunking down the field until the inevitable red-zone stall. He mixes in an occasional fade to whatever receiver happens to be the tall, go-to guy that year. That’s where the real excitement comes in. (Fortunately, there’s always at least one of those really tall, really good wideouts.)
The offense doesn’t rack up huge yards or points. It doesn’t rack up a ton of highlight plays. It doesn’t get receivers running wide open down the field like Steve Spurrier’s old Run-n-Gun. It doesn’t give you the constant threat of running backs going 70 yards like Switzer’s wishbone or Chip Kelly’s read option at Oregon. It doesn’t even give you the thrill of watching an offensive line and running back physically emasculate a defense like Osborne’s 1990’s Nebraska squads. It just gives you dull.
Clay Helton’s football team gives you what I expect a Clay Helton home BBQ would give you. (I’m guessing, people. Strangely enough, Clay Helton has never invited me to his home, though I check every day for an invite.) You can have a burger or a hot dog, and you can choose ketchup or mustard. There are some Lay’s potato chips. The plain kind. You’ll look at the Helton family photo album. Here’s Clay in his Boy Scout uniform. Look, that’s the Halloween when Clay dressed up as Spiderman. Such a character! You’ll play a game of Uno, but with the Draw Four cards removed so nobody’s feelings get hurt too badly. You’ll finish it off with a couple of Oreos. Maybe with milk, probably without. For most of the last hour and a half, you’ll be checking your watch every 37 seconds. You’ll say on your way to the car that you should do it again sometime. You won’t mean it.
All of this boredom would be fine, I suppose, if the Trojans were ripping off 11 or 12-win seasons. Jim Tressel’s Ohio State teams were pretty boring, but they won a lot of games. Clay Helton’s Trojans don’t win a lot of games. They are light years away from being an elite program. And if you’re not going to be great, you should at least try to be interesting. Oklahoma State isn’t all that great. But their games are fun. A little fun wouldn’t hurt. You might get 60,000 fans to show up for the opener with a little more
excitement. Traveler might not fall asleep in the tunnel. Caruso might tell the social influencers on his yacht to move so he can see the TV.
But no.
I thought that going to the Air Raid would damage USC’s heritage. But I never dreamed it would be so boring.
Some early thoughts on the Pac-12
- Stanford’s program has been eroding for years, and it’s time to simply face the truth: they’re not any good. Harbaugh built that program. Shaw then kept it going for a few years. But there’s nothing there now. And talk about boring! Geez. I’d rather watch the dancing tree than Stanford’s team, and I hate that stupid tree.
- Oregon struggled yesterday. I still think they’ll be okay. Not next week. Next week won’t be okay at all. I don’t think Oregon can win at the Horseshoe. And I don’t really want them to. Yes, normally I’d root for any Pac-12 team against Ohio State. But not the Ducks. I’d pull for the Bubonic Plague over the Ducks. I hope they get trampled and buried where they fall.
- Umm, Washington, what the hell just happened? Seven points and less than 300 yards at home against an FCS opponent? Who does that? And how do you get shut down by a team from Montana? The State of Montana doesn’t have enough high school football players to supply a college team. I’m not talking about blue-chip athletes. I don’t think Montana has enough players, period. I think there’s one high school football team in Montana. They play six-man football and only play intrasquad scrimmages. Even Ty Willingham’s Huskies teams would have beaten Montana. Washington should just forfeit its remaining games. Shameful performance.
- Cal lost to Nevada. Arizona lost to BYU. Oregon State lost to Purdue. Washington State lost to Utah State. It’s great we’re committed to this Conference of Champions, people. I’d hate to walk away from this crew of juggernauts and join the Big 10. Stay here and USC can continue to win a conference title every five years or so in a conference that nobody respects and pull in Mountain West money in the process. Good times.
- And that brings us to the Pac-12’s shining success story thus far: Chip Kelly’s UCLA Bruins. Look, it’s too early to know how good UCLA is. I’m not sure LSU is a very healthy program right now. But the Bruins are much . improved and extremely dangerous. Dorian Thompson-Robinson is streaky and can’t be trusted. But if he has a good game – and he sometimes does – UCLA can smash anybody in the conference. I know nobody wants to hear that, but it’s true. And keep in mind, we don’t know yet what USC has on defense. I like the secondary, and I’m not surprised they played well yesterday. But San Jose State was attacking USC’s strength. UCLA’s offense will attack on the ground, and I’m not yet convinced that USC can stop the run. If you’re not nervous, you should be.
I was thrilled when USC hired Sean Snyder to coach special teams. I still think it was a great hire. But that was not a good performance. A running-into-the-punter penalty, a kickoff going out of bounds, a punt that should have been caught but was allowed to roll to the 2-yard line, and another punt fielded at the 2-yard line? Lock it up, Coach Snyder. That’s not good enough.
Don’t get too excited, Texas fans. Louisiana may have been ranked, but they’re still not in the same universe in terms of talent. It’s still Sark. Major disappointment is still coming for you, and it’s coming soon. Brace yourselves.
Watch our new Zoom program Tuesday, Inside the Trojan Huddle. Erik McKinney, Kevin Bruce, Greg Katz and the rest of the WeAreSC staff will say insightful things. I will make fun of them. You’ll enjoy yourself.
Well, one game in, and my perspective hasn’t changed. That’s an 8-4 USC team unless we see significant improvement on the offensive side of the ball. And if we don’t … Carthago delenda est.
