Child Adoption
- Thread starter -LEK-
- Start date
my cousin is adopted, was a foreign adoption. no health issues. i'm certain there was bs associated with the process, but i think it was hurdles that are in place to prevent the child from going into a bad home.
In the 90's, Clinton put in a child adoption tax credit. It helped a lot of families.
My brother adopted a girl.
My wife is adopted.
I will say this... Adopting a child is a great feeling for the receiving family. It's a great thing to do and the kid will only recognize their adoptive parents as their parents....However, the KID will ALWAYS have a feeling of abandonment. There is a lot to process for them throughout their entire lives.
My brother adopted a girl.
My wife is adopted.
I will say this... Adopting a child is a great feeling for the receiving family. It's a great thing to do and the kid will only recognize their adoptive parents as their parents....However, the KID will ALWAYS have a feeling of abandonment. There is a lot to process for them throughout their entire lives.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to be much easier adopting a foreign child over an American one. The other countries just seem to want to pass their problems (getting kids out of their system) to other countries like the US. There is more red tape involved with getting a kid that is already here into a home. I know if I were adopting I would prefer to adopt a kid from here first. Just like I would prefer to donate to feed the homeless and hungry children here over some foreign country first. You would think the adoption agencies would see things this way as well, but I don't think they do and we just take someone else's kids while our own bounce around in foster care.
my aunt and uncle didn't tell my cousin he was adopted till his 21st birthday. it caused a lot of insecurity issues (the "you don't love me any more" kind) and took him about a year to recover. it's really striking that parent-child bonds are so strong that they affect adult children.
I do know that Washington State's paperwork includes the screening question "Have you ever considered renaming the child 'Jaxon'?"
I had a scare like that for about 2 hours when I was 25. I remember thinking, "Holy ****, my whole life has been a lie" and almost sent me into a tailspin. I can't imagine having to deal with that.
Yes, we have a wonderful, beautiful daughter. US born and we told her she was adopted at a young age. No feelings of abandonment at all I'm very sure. Check out Independent Adoption Center. They have several offices across the country.
I plan on adopting some day. I feel like every one should
Wife and I are in the prestages, as in, were tossing the idea around, already have natural born kids. How long was process? Healthy? What age you tell her? Cost?
Did he get them at birth? I feel like adoption can be <$2k if you get a child that's already old enough to walk, but newborns cost a ton.
Both were newborns. I think the second one they had some deal to cover part of the moms expenses before/during the birth.
Not to be racist, but I think both of their babies are white. I would guess that other races are cheaper.
Price. A fair price. That's not what you say it is, and it's not what I say it is... It's what the market will bear. Now there's people - and I know 'em - who'll pay a lot more than $25,000 for a healthy baby. Why, I myself fetched $30,000 on the black market. And that was in 1954 dollars.
My cousin is going through the process. I was told the home inspection for the newborn is over $2K. LEK, if you raise hell and fight the system for the racket that adoption seems to be, I'll support you 100%.
I'll ask him this week and report back. I think he adopted one kid from Florida and one from North Carolina. I remember him saying something about the states having different rules and maybe one was easier/better than the other. I think he had to pay attorneys in his state and the adoption/birth state.
We have not adopted. My sister-in-law & her husband have adopted 3 kids (in KY). Two sisters that were probably 5 & 7 at the time, and a boy as an infant. The only way they were able to adopt was to become part of the Foster-care system. And even then it took a few years, and some heart-break. The 3 they were adopted are good kids & we love them all, but had/have some various issues mostly due to their pre-adoption circumstances.
I've adopted 4.
The first and oldest (10)was with an agency in Lexington. We met birth parents and still talk to the birth father. It cost about 13K 10 years ago. That would cost you twice that now thru a private agency.
The next 3 were siblings thru the foster care system. The adoption did not cost anything. Actually since they were a sibling group they are considered special needs so we actually get a monthly stipend.
The adoption landscape is always changing. To go thru a private agency in the US it could be quick or take a long time. In many cases the birthparents pick the adopting couple thru pictures and essays.
The foster care system is an option. But there is risk about the child going back to their parents. But the cost here is not much.
Foreign adoptions are all over the map. Could take a year or 3 depending on country.
The first and oldest (10)was with an agency in Lexington. We met birth parents and still talk to the birth father. It cost about 13K 10 years ago. That would cost you twice that now thru a private agency.
The next 3 were siblings thru the foster care system. The adoption did not cost anything. Actually since they were a sibling group they are considered special needs so we actually get a monthly stipend.
The adoption landscape is always changing. To go thru a private agency in the US it could be quick or take a long time. In many cases the birthparents pick the adopting couple thru pictures and essays.
The foster care system is an option. But there is risk about the child going back to their parents. But the cost here is not much.
Foreign adoptions are all over the map. Could take a year or 3 depending on country.
Any issues? Would you do it again? How long did you have to foster before you could adopt? Why foster or private, cost?
We have had 2 adoption attempts fail in the hospital when the birth mother (both drug addicts) changed their minds. One decided to use the kid to try to get with the baby daddy (she is my wife's cousin). The other kept the baby because it was white (I cut her umbilical chord and named her). We had a third change her mind so she could continue to collect benefits.
Some agencies stagger fees according to income - they might not have a great reach though.
Birth mothers will manipulate you and use you. They have no obligation to you.
Good luck. Be careful. Stay sane during the process. I had awful luck, but 3 friends adopted this fall within months of each other.
Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent or have specific questions.
Some agencies stagger fees according to income - they might not have a great reach though.
Birth mothers will manipulate you and use you. They have no obligation to you.
Good luck. Be careful. Stay sane during the process. I had awful luck, but 3 friends adopted this fall within months of each other.
Feel free to message me if you ever need to vent or have specific questions.
Sorry to hear about that, can't imagine the frustration and sadness that accompany something like that.
Had a former co-worker experience a similar situation. Financially supported the mother from her 3rd month onward and went above and beyond...bought her clothes, food, paid most of her living expenses including rent I believe. Built a very nice nursery for the child and were ready to go. Day after the birth, the mother backs out and essentially says sorry about your luck.
One month later, their adoption caseworker calls them and says "We have a three week old boy and his 2 year old brother ready right now. Do you want them?"
They drove up to Indiana the next day, met the parents / grabbed the kids at a Waffle House, and never looked back. Complete emotional rollercoaster.
I do not recommend adopting 3 at one time. They are all 18 months apart and have many issues due to their abandoment/situation. Its just a lot to deal with. Our 3 had already had their parental rights terminated so we could adopted sooner but took our time and waited 18 months before it was final.
Foster care does not cost anything to adopt and as I said in some cases you will get a stipend. Private US adoption has gotten expensive and probably runs in the 25-30K range. which has doubled in the past 10 years. Plus the waiting time could get long.
Thanks for that (last 3 posts). I am more ready to adopt than my wife. We have a couple of kids already, and we are financially secure enough to adopt. It fulfills the need for more children, and gives a child a better life. We are getting older, so our window is getting smaller. I have heard horror stories from both sides (private vs public). I cant imagine the stress of finding a child.
One thing to note is that you can get about 13K tax credit for adopting whether it be in US or foreign. It goes up a little each year. Basically it reduces your tax debt. For example is you owe 5K in Federal taxes in 2015 then you will get all of that back. Then for up to 5 years you can recover 13K. This really helps to cover the costs.
There are horror stories but lots of great ones as well. Most of the private US adoptions work out really well and it you don't currently have kids I really think that is the way to go.
Kids in foster care and even foreign kids will have some baggage.
There are horror stories but lots of great ones as well. Most of the private US adoptions work out really well and it you don't currently have kids I really think that is the way to go.
Kids in foster care and even foreign kids will have some baggage.
Hey LEK, process for an open adoption depends a lot on you. The quicker you get your background checks, paperwork, home study and your pictures/resume together the quicker that your profile can be seen by birthmothers. In our case we matched in about 8 months when she was about 5 months pregnant. We met the birthmother one time at the agency and of course when the baby was born. Perfectly healthy!
When you complete your profile you select what you are OK with as far as drug and alcohol usage by the birthmother before and during the pregnancy. You also can select if you are ok with a biracial child, etc...
Cost was 15-17k in 2001 through our agency. Independent Adoption Center.
This is absolutely true in Kentucky. And there are far, far too few good foster homes in this state so it might be a great option for anyone here looking to eventually adopt.
Foster care is a noble cause but just know that these kids often have emotional and/or physical issues and it doesn't matter if the child is domestic or foreign born. Understanding these challenges going in, you can provide a great home for very little money.
I talked to my contact last night that has adopted 2 kids within the last 2 years. He said you can go the foster route, through an agency (facilitator), or a private attorney. He used a facilitator service.
It sounds like it may be a good idea to shop around the services and ask about how many adoptions they do per year, how many potential parents they sign up, etc... He said the agency that they used last only brought in 4-5 prospective parents (couples) per month and only a dozen or so moms looking to have their kids adopted. He thought the smaller ratios made it easier. He said he felt like their resume would just get lost with an agency like Catholic Charities that do thousands per year.
He said cost was $20k - $40k (I think he called it a f*** ton of money).
Most or all places charge a deposit (some refundable, some not).
Mentioned writing a purpose statement/essay about why you would be good parents. Said that seemed like BS & he was pretty sure a lot of people lie or whatever. He also mentioned a lot of the moms having around an 8th grade reading level.
Both of his adoptions were domestic. He said China is one of the most expensive places to adopt from (doesn't make sense to me, given their huge population, but whatever).
Watch the fees & charges carefully. Because so many different agencies, facilitators, etc... it is easy to get charged for the same thing twice.
He is completely happy with his kids & has talked about adopting again, even though it is a hassle.
It sounds like it may be a good idea to shop around the services and ask about how many adoptions they do per year, how many potential parents they sign up, etc... He said the agency that they used last only brought in 4-5 prospective parents (couples) per month and only a dozen or so moms looking to have their kids adopted. He thought the smaller ratios made it easier. He said he felt like their resume would just get lost with an agency like Catholic Charities that do thousands per year.
He said cost was $20k - $40k (I think he called it a f*** ton of money).
Most or all places charge a deposit (some refundable, some not).
Mentioned writing a purpose statement/essay about why you would be good parents. Said that seemed like BS & he was pretty sure a lot of people lie or whatever. He also mentioned a lot of the moms having around an 8th grade reading level.
Both of his adoptions were domestic. He said China is one of the most expensive places to adopt from (doesn't make sense to me, given their huge population, but whatever).
Watch the fees & charges carefully. Because so many different agencies, facilitators, etc... it is easy to get charged for the same thing twice.
He is completely happy with his kids & has talked about adopting again, even though it is a hassle.
Eh, that should be good enough to get him a football scholarship at UK
I've adopted three awesome kids. Was a foster parent first then adopted them once the birth parents' rights were terminated. The state absorbs the cost of the adoption in special needs adoptions. I recommend doing it if you can provide them with the love and support they deserve. They are my kids and I love them as much as a father can love his kids.
Didn't t a poster here try to give a kid back? I think it was weused2luvhim2.
A gay couplein my building has adopted two children...both infants. First one, they used a private agency and was very expensive. The second one, they put ads on Craigslist all through out the US and found a kid outside of Portland willing to give them her kid. They said, most private agencies do the same sort of advertising so they decided to just do it themselves. Once you have someone willing to do it, then all you need is a lawyer in the state where the kid will be born.
That is as much as I know.
For those that have adopted in this thread, you're good in my book.
That is as much as I know.
For those that have adopted in this thread, you're good in my book.
Getting a kid off of Craigslist sounds like the absolute worst idea ever. I don't think I would even get a dog from Craigslist. Jesus Christ.
Glad the kid has a family now though.
Glad the kid has a family now though.
This is why my wife and I are planning on using eBay. PayPal offers buyer protection.