Dealing with inlaws/family members...
- Thread starter JamesIII
- Start date
just be direct and tell them how much money you need. They'll understand as long as it isn't for meth
About 2 years ago my MIL discovered my FIL had spent between 30-35 thousand of lottery tickets. Yeah I know. He had credit cards she didn’t know about. Had drained savings. When she caught him he played the I’m going to kill myself card. My wife had to go make him give his gun up. She took it to the police and ask them to keep. He’s a Vietnam vet and has had problems for many many years. We had to decide if we were going to help. Ultimately we decided not to because We could see he was not done with the lottery. Now they are in their 70’s, upside down with their house, and live month to month. Basically they decided to live like they are well off. She often comments on putting a pool in knowing she can’t afford the skimmer. But to outsiders they are a happily retired couple doing what they want. It’s sad. My wife has stopped speaking to them. Money can tear a family apart faster than anything.
Regardless
When it comes to $ & fam/friends always consider it a loss if u expect a return
When it comes to $ & fam/friends always consider it a loss if u expect a return
Depends on the amount. I wouldn’t loan anything that I wouldn’t be willing to not get back.
I try to do things quid pro quo, yet it hasn't turned out that way thus far. I don't care to help out as long as it is reciprocated. Anytime I bring up the shortcomings of said family member (her sister) things go south, no matter how logically I try and explain it.
Don’t loan money to family. Only give gifts. If you are upfront with yourself in the beginning that you are never getting it back, you will be happier. You also will be more realistic in what you can afford to lose.
You should lower your expectations on getting something in return. You help people because they need help not because you expect them to do something in return.
Significant other: immediately.
You are a partnership. It should all be on the table.
You are a partnership. It should all be on the table.
Well if you're married, immediately. My GF's little sister has been basically on the family dole for years: lives for free at home, they used about 20-30k to fund her business and the parents don't have enough for TWO weddings..
It's not an issue now, because we're not married. But that will be addressed when the time comes.
Still, a tricky convo. It's not "Your" money until the parents go. And it's really none of your say over what they do with it.
It's not an issue now, because we're not married. But that will be addressed when the time comes.
Still, a tricky convo. It's not "Your" money until the parents go. And it's really none of your say over what they do with it.
This is a terrible look for you, IMO. I would rethink this mindset before you speak on it with your girlfriend.
Never count other people’s money in the first place and don’t earmark it as “yours” until it actually is - and be insanely grateful for it.
One time, an uncle complained to my dad about a similar situation on my mom’s side (“richest appearing” family actually being propped up with help) and my dad said it wasn’t his concern because it wasn’t his money. And that my grandpa could burn it all (millions) in a cardboard box in the backyard if he wanted to. That made a big impression on me as a kid and I think it’s the absolutely correct approach.
WIthout going into too much detail. MY GF is pretty upset about it, which is why I'm then forced into it.. The family has basically been floating the other sister for years and through numerous endeavors. All 3 of them, parents and GF, work for free at her business. Parents sometimes working 20-30 hour weeks. No one gets paid. Even looking past us and money, it's a ****** situation to have your late 60's parents work for you.
I stay out of it, I have my own finances in order. I do tell her that she has every right to be upset, and she should say something if she feels that way, but that's it..
I have seen WAY too many times where a parent invests in a child's business, and even worse, guarantees a big loan, only to see the kid run the business and the parents both into the ground.
Free advice, if you want to help a family member or a child, give them some money, or maybe loan it to them directly, but DO NOT sign a note, lease, or personal guaranty on their behalf unless you own the business and are there on a daily basis to run it. Really really bad idea.
Free advice, if you want to help a family member or a child, give them some money, or maybe loan it to them directly, but DO NOT sign a note, lease, or personal guaranty on their behalf unless you own the business and are there on a daily basis to run it. Really really bad idea.