A small town was flooded after a hurricane came through. A man and his dog waited atop of their house, trying to stay above the waters. A few hours later a man in a boat came by and offered them a ride. The man held tight to his dog and refused, saying, "No thanks, neighbor. God will take care of us."
The next morning a rescue helicopter hovered above the house. "Grab on to the rope and we will pull you to safety."
"No thank you. God will provide for us."
That afternoon, a smoking hot 18 year old girl on a jet ski pulls up. "Hey, hot stuff. You and your dog need a lift?"
"Thanks for the offer, but no. God will give us what we need." The dog turns to his owner, flips him the middle paw, hops on the jet ski and takes off.
The next day, the man dies of starvation, thirst and loneliness. As he reached the Pearly Gates, the man said, "Can you ask God why he didn't save me from the flood? Saint Peter looked down at him and said, "We sent you a helicopter, boat and that hot piece of *** on the jet ski, what the f**k else do you want?" The Price is Right song played, the bad one, y'know "Bum, bum, b-bum, waaaaaaah" Everyone in Heaven magically got Deal With It sunglasses and pointed and laughed at him. The guy from the 300 movie appeared, even though he's not even dead, and kicked the dude down into Hell.
The End.
