Mitch Hedberg

[GrandePdre]

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.

"Want some more homemade Sprite?"

"Not until you figure out what the f*** else is in it!!"

 

[mdlUK.1]

Funny man. Gone too soon.

 

[KingOfBBN]

One of my favorites

 

[WildcatFan1982]

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D"

 

[sg24_]

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

 

[sg24_]

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

 

[GrandePdre]

I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under "D"

 

[BBdK]

Let's everyone Google "Mitch Hedberg jokes" and list em here.

For the 37th time.

 

[ktbug]

He doesn't do them anymore!

 

[Glenn's Take]

Let's everyone Google "Mitch Hedberg jokes" and list em here.

I used this one recently without having to look it up so I should get some credit. It really applied too.
https://kentucky.forums.rivals.com/...ashing-up-on-pacific-northwest-shores.165103/

 

[funKYcat75]

I use the "2000 of something" line every time I cook rice for the family. My dad jokes are a step above yours.

 

[thebluestripes]

I think bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me

 

[mhroe1984]

"Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper which is ******** because the dude didn't even get his degree"

 

[Kooky Kats]

Mitch Cumstein was a heck of a golfer.

 

[Glenn's Take]

Mitch Cumstein was a heck of a golfer.

 

[Kooky Kats]

Wrong take, Glenn.

 

[dgtatu01]

No I don't want want a frozen banana, but I may want a regular banana later so I'll take it.

 

[Glenn's Take]

Wrong take, Glenn.

I should know better than to drink and post. I even watched the inside story of Caddyshack recently.

 

[Kooky Kats]

I should know better than to drink and post. I even watched the inside story of Caddyshack recently.

Correctamundo Take, Glenn.

 

[domino79]

That sucks. An arrow killed you.

Let's go that way.

 

[TriangleUKCat]

Glenn really recovered in his takes there but, whew, it was a close one.