Problem: someone might buy this house next to me

[mashburned]

Stupid realtors already cut down my clematis vines, and I don't want another neighbor, already have one stupid one.

Open house today 2-4.

Solutions?

- burn crosses in my yard and sacrifice small animals?
- bare naked crap in their yard?
- do some catfish Cooley YouTube stunts?
- blast project pat at obscene levels?

 

[Barleycorn]

Pull your car onto the front lawn. Pop the hood, rev the engine, repeatedly.

Buy a cheap, disposable charcoal grill, burn cheap hot dogs and burgers to a crisp in the front yard.

Throw crushed cans of MTN dew and energy drinks all over the edge of the lawn.

 

[mashburned]

I'll put my washer dryer out front. Go over there and hand out invitations to my 72 hr meth party. Buy some chickens so they can run amuck.

 

[UKserialkiller]

Invite your black friends over. White homeowners hate black people.

 

[AustinTXCat]

Invite your black friends over. White homeowners hate black people.

and Meskins.

 

[kyboy1998_rivals34276]

I would think a simple introduction to yourself would be enough to push away potential buyers.

 

[Ron Mehico]

Want me to come over Mash? I can put up a lawn chair right in your front yard and sell tamales.

 

[funKYcat75]

Stupid realtors already cut down my clematis vines, and I don't want another neighbor, already have one stupid one.

Open house today 2-4.

Solutions?

- burn crosses in my yard and sacrifice small animals?
- bare naked crap in their yard?
- do some catfish Cooley YouTube stunts?
- blast project pat at obscene levels?

Give us the address. We'll be right there.

 

[BlueVelvetFog]

Pull your car onto the front lawn. Pop the hood, rev the engine, repeatedly.

Buy a cheap, disposable charcoal grill, burn cheap hot dogs and burgers to a crisp in the front yard.

Throw crushed cans of MTN dew and energy drinks all over the edge of the lawn.

Problem is this might make them stay

 

[BlueVelvetFog]

Stupid realtors already cut down my clematis vines, and I don't want another neighbor, already have one stupid one.

Open house today 2-4.

Solutions?

- burn crosses in my yard and sacrifice small animals?
- bare naked crap in their yard?
- do some catfish Cooley YouTube stunts?
- blast project pat at obscene levels?

Get a pit bull, chain it, starve it, cover fence with meat. Release said pit bull.

 

[mashburned]

Want me to come over Mash? I can put up a lawn chair right in your front yard and sell tamales.

yes just park your Ford van on the lawn

 

[Laparkafan]

Call the sewer company - no one wants to live by someone with sewer problems.

 

[UK_Is_Good]

As a rich paddock poster, just buy the house yourself.

 

[BlackMamba12.5]

White homeowners hate black people.

True, but dey daughters likes us tho. Beelee dat.

 

[MegaBlue05]

Walk over and introduce yourself as the neighborhood sex offender.

• If the potential buyers have kids, you're a kiddie diddler.

• If they're old people, you can't go back to the nursing home because of the sodomy and gummers.

• If they're anything else, you're ALMOST cured of your addictions of front porch masturbation in the daylight and watching porn with the windows open at night. You're not a pervert, you're just "sick."

 

[NewEraCATS]

Ball out and Buy it, tear it down and don't worry about neighbors. or set it on fire

 

[mashburned]

Walk over and introduce yourself as the neighborhood sex offender.

• If the potential buyers have kids, you're a kiddie diddler.

• If they're old people, you can't go back to the nursing home because of the sodomy and gummers.

• If they're anything else, you're ALMOST cured of your addictions of front porch masturbation in the daylight and watching porn with the windows open at night. You're not a pervert, you're just "sick."

That's a winner.

 

[UKGrad93]

Just burn the motherf***er down.

 

[mashburned]

Take them a bag o Africanized killer bees in a box.

 

[funKYcat75]

Take them a bag o Africanized killer bees in a box.

Everyone knows that a sack of a bag is the preferred delivery method for bees.

 

[BlueVelvetFog]

Walk over and introduce yourself as the neighborhood sex offender.

• If the potential buyers have kids, you're a kiddie diddler.

• If they're old people, you can't go back to the nursing home because of the sodomy and gummers.

• If they're anything else, you're ALMOST cured of your addictions of front porch masturbation in the daylight and watching porn with the windows open at night. You're not a pervert, you're just "sick."

I like the cut of your jib

 

[Kaizer Sosay]

Call DirecTV. Give them your neighbor's address and ask for the "Crawl Space Duece Special".

 

[Kooky Kats]

Just put your iPod music playlist cranking... the crap you listen to would drive the snakes from Ireland.

 

[Chuckinden]

Pull your car onto the front lawn. Pop the hood, rev the engine, repeatedly.

Buy a cheap, disposable charcoal grill, burn cheap hot dogs and burgers to a crisp in the front yard.

Throw crushed cans of MTN dew and energy drinks all over the edge of the lawn.

And a TRUMP/PENCE sign in your yard to go with all this.

 

[Xception]

I would think a good porch jacking might solve your problem, either porch will get it done. Don't forget to make continuous eye contact for each prospective buyer.

 

[KyCatFan_rivals45723]

A few options.

If all else fails fly a drone with a camera on it around the house.

 

[JoeBeeHall]

Introduce yourself as Mr manson

 

[LineSkiCat14]

"Hey I'm Mashburned.. from the Paddock, you know of it?"

Neighbors gone.

 

[Rebelfreedomeagle]

 

[larry the cable guy]

Call DirecTV. Give them your neighbor's address and ask for the "Crawl Space Duece Special".

I received the Crawl Space Deuce Special once. [poop]:chairshot:

 

[Mills_for_Three]

You can always buy the bank and just foreclose.

 

[Tskware]

Casually mention to the potential buyers that 'you are surprised anyone wants to live there, you know, because of the horrible triple murder that occurred there a number of years ago. I have heard some folks say it is haunted, but personally, I don't believe in all that silly stuff . . . do you?'

 

[LordEgg_rivals16573]

Just stand in the front yard and stare. Don't speak. Just stare. Till the last visitor leaves. Also do this in a bathrobe.

 

[Captain Forehead]

Just stand in the front yard and stare. Don't speak. Just stare. Till the last visitor leaves. Also do this in a bathrobe.

Untied bathrobe. Forget to wear your underwear. While holding a ***** in one hand and a half eaten moon pie in the other. Oh and smoke a filterless lucky strike for good measure.

 

[rmattox]

Partially bury a rusted drum that has barely readable "Toxic Waste" painted on it;

Show them you newly planted kudzu bed;

Paint obammer and hillury murals on the side of your house that faces them. Unfortunately, this also has the potential of attracting undesirables.

Toss a box of used syringes on their lot, your lawn and on the street.

Buy 10 foaming at the mouth pit bulls

Have a fully mature FEMALE Ginkgo trees planted just on your side of the property line.

When you anticipate a couple days of rain, During the late hours of the preceding evening Broadcast a half bushel of marijuana seeds mixed with about a pound of Miracle Grow on the lawn. When they are about a foot tall, call the FBI. Said lot will quickly become government property.

 

[KopiKat]

One large, used tractor tire flower bed next to the property line. With glorious center piece lower half toilet bowl to bouquet your hosta arrangement.