If I open the bag of candy/chips for my kid, dad gets a percentage of said comestible.
Unwritten Rules - now written down.
- Thread starter funKYcat75
- Start date
Likewise, if I get sent to pick up takeout food...dad gets whatever percentage he deems appropriate of any and all said takeout food.
Call it a delivery fee or transport tax.
Call it a delivery fee or transport tax.
If it's Friday night, I'm drinking beer. Shut up.
Continuing the food theme: If I'm going through the drive thru, the fries I eat on the way home are yours and the untouched fries are mine.
- Any food left in the refrigerator is fair game.
- You must refill the water pitcher once it goes below half full.
- Don't touch the thermostat unless you are going to pay the energy bill.
I have several big dogs that get that message across. No need to write it down.
If I pull over to the side of a narrow street to let you come through first, and you don't wave, I'm legally* allowed to murder you.
Some other traffic ones picked up from my dad.
If a semi is pulling in front of you at night, flash your lights twice to let him know there is room. He must flash his tail lights twice to thank you.
Always give a polite head nod or index finger lift to police/firemen coming towards you.
*probably not
Some other traffic ones picked up from my dad.
If a semi is pulling in front of you at night, flash your lights twice to let him know there is room. He must flash his tail lights twice to thank you.
Always give a polite head nod or index finger lift to police/firemen coming towards you.
*probably not
My kids are beyond age for this one, but all Halloween Candy brought home had a Candy Tax applied to it. I took my share for letting them live in the house.
If I am watching Kentucky play, the other rooms are yours and you can't be in mine.
This is a great one.
If you're crossing the street, and I have a green light, you better not be taking your sweet *** time. Pick it up to a brisk walk. Don't go all Karl Towns on us.
Never take a work **** on your break
If there are 3 bathroom stalls, and I am doing my business in the far left one, and the other two are open, please use the far right one to do your business. It's simple but find people violate it constantly.
Corollary to my loving wife - do not interrupt the game to ask me some question about home decorating or what dishes we should ask the relatives to bring for holiday dinner. If you persist, the response will be quite negative and unsatisfactory, at least from your perspective.
If I fall asleep on the couch watching football, golf, or some other sporting event, my unconsciousness does not give you the right to change the channel. If I wake up and cartoons are on the TV, we're going to have problems.
No matter location, circumstance, or situation - if 3/4 of the way through a raging tugger session - no interruption will stop this fella from finishing.
INDEX finger? Well I guess that explains cops making a U, stopping me and searching my car because they "smell marijuana."
*This is why unwritten rules need to be written down.
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In a related note: If I am listening to a podcast, it is because I do not want to listen to you at this time. Any non-emergency questions can wait 45 minutes to be asked.
I am the sole arbiter of whether a question constitutes an emergency.
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I grew up with the expectation that you never take the last one of anything for food and/or drink items. I always wondered who ended up with the last soda, piece of cheese, bread, glass of milk, etc.
No kissing after going down on your partner. Unless after 69, then it's semi-acceptable.
If you are a high school boy nailing a hot, horny teacher - shut up, tell nobody, and ride that train (pun intended) until you graduate. Don't ruin a good thing by running your young, fool gob.
And you ruin for the next underclassman in line too!
dump time is my time. don't ask me questions, try to have a conversation or otherwise be near my toilet. Related: if there are three urinals, and I am at one, do not pick the middle urinal. it aint right.
At my house, all of these things fall under what I call the “Dad Tax”