Urinal Farting Etiquette

[It'saDoneDeal]

So earlier this morning I laid down a toxic crop dusting at the urinal. It was unforgivably foul and a bit loud.

There was some poor son of a ***** back in the stall that had to have heard it and definitely smelled it. Not only is he likely jealous that I covered up his ripe stank stew, but the next guy in probably called the fire department on him thinking something had to be dead in there.

What say you Cats Paws? Okay to fart at the urinal if someone is in a back stall? What if there's someone in the urinal right next to you? Do you try to slip it out like a beta pleb or do your force out the loud mud thunder as a true alpha elite? I'm trying to work this into a promotion and corner office.

 

[argubs2]

If the stalls are occupied with one or more men pooping....it is your obligation as a man to fart as violently as possible at the urinal to provide entertainment for the poopers. So much so that, even when said fart could theoretically or likely produce liquid....you must still provide the squeeze / push to attempt. Failure to do so will result in you being a *****.

If a man is standing next to you at a urinal, you must suck back the fart into thine anus at all costs until you have at least a one urinal buffer between you and the next man on the right and left. If you produce a fart in a manner that another man must wade through it to reach the sink to wash his hands and exit the restroom, the fart smeller is granted the opportunity to call you an ******* and dip your tie onto the urinal cake for a duration of two seconds. No tie wash is permitted until EOD, and not on work premises.

If the offender is not wearing a tie, they must splash copious amounts of water onto their genital region and walk through the break room during peak hours no less than twice making small talk with at least one other associate who did not wade through the fart gas.

 

[DSmith21]

Public restrooms are feel free to fart zones. You can't reasonably expect not to smell the aroma of crap in one.

 

[LordEgg_rivals16573]

i love farting on an elevator and then getting off right when stank cloud emerges. always love knowing that whomever was standing there not only had to endure it, but essentially had to own it as others got on after i got off.

 

[Kooky Kats]

Public restrooms are a feel free to fart zones. You can't reasonably expect not to smell the aroma of crap in one.

Yep. There are no rules or etiquette within the public toilet. Thunderdome.

 

[sg24_]

I want to cut one that is bad enough to make someone faint or at least puke. Bucket list item.

 

[UKserialkiller]

It's best to own it, rather let it go unsaid.

Once you do so, acknowledge it. Stand proud.

 

[KopiKat]

work in a hospital and pull the "fart just before you get off the elevator" move about once a day minimum. It's even funnier when I'm the only one in the elevator and someone is waiting to walk in as I'm walking out. Cracks me up for some reason.

ok, that cracked me up, even from you. But not buying it. If you work in a hospital you have better etiquette than that. Good message board baiting though.

 

[wildcatsboston1984_rivals]

If you are in the bathroom, farting is acceptable under all circumstances as far as I'm concerned

 

[sg24_]

If you are in the bathroom, farting is acceptable under all circumstances as far as I'm concerned

Yep. Remember getting in trouble for not got to the bathroom to fart as a kid. It has to be the most proper place to do so.

 

[DSmith21]

I want to get this reaction next time I use the urinal at the Pizza Pit.

 

[gollumcat]

dude in stall next to me was having major issues this am....started with the muffled grunts and other assorted noises which accompany a difficult defecation, similar to a pawing bull or buffalo. Then out of the blue a couple audible "Oh God" s followed by an "aaaaagh", then a soft whimper/sigh, then a clear, loud, fart. Then he gets up and leaves, and starts whistling at the sink.

 

[RacerX.ksr]

A fartinal would solve all these problems.

 

[Festivus Miracle]

I come from a household that respected the fart in all of its art. A friend that could blow torch a fart was a hero. (He is now a lawyer.) As a matter of fact, I would like to know the intestinal skills of the presidential candidates. That could be the deciding factor between Cruz and Trump; Clinton and Bernie. ISIS members probably hall of fame fart. Can Clinton match it? Sorry, please move to political thread.

 

[Wall2Boogie]

dude in stall next to me was having major issues this am....started with the muffled grunts and other assorted noises which accompany a difficult defecation, similar to a pawing bull or buffalo. Then out of the blue a couple audible "Oh God" s followed by an "aaaaagh", then a soft whimper/sigh, then a clear, loud, fart. Then he gets up and leaves, and starts whistling at the sink.

Lol it's always great when someone is talking to themselves like they are coaching their *** on how to handle the situation. If you've ever been in a rest stop area most dudes in their are giving birth especially the truckers and the smell is almost as bad as the birth its self. I always think of this guy:

 

[Festivus Miracle]

"Let that turd know who's boss!"

 

[JDHoss]

What about with people standing directly behind you at the urinal? In the late 90's when Madness was still held at Memorial, I had to hit the bathroom after we had gotten some seats. We were packed in like sardines waiting to take a leak and when it came my turn, I absolutely shat my pants on a dude in a UK cowboy hat who was probably less than a foot away from my back. While continuing to pee, I craned my neck back and said "sorry about that bud".....but he just stared straight ahead and never acknowledged me.

 

[We-Todd-Did]

I used to have to attend long, boring meetings at my last job. Going into the men's room following one of those sounded like barbershop quartet harmony of farting. It became part of the company culture to just walk in and rip, I've even seen guys have conversation while grunting out farts.

 

[rmattox]

With my swollen prostate, if I don't flatulate when I urinate, my bladder will not fully empty.....then little droplets of pee-pee seep out of my wee-wee.

Likewise, when I have to make one of my 5 or so trips to the pot every night due to the log in my pants keeping me awake, I find it necessary to allow the wind to blow. If not, the little general keeps standing at attention and disturbs my sleep.Unfortunately, in the still of the night, it sounds like a thunderstorm...often awakening my sleeping wife. If my wife and I were twenty years younger, I'd take advantage of the situation. Now she just snickers, rolls over, flatulates back in my direction and goes back to sleep.

 

[Wall2Boogie]

I used to have to attend long, boring meetings at my last job. Going into the men's room following one of those sounded like barbershop quartet harmony of farting. It became part of the company culture to just walk in and rip, I've even seen guys have conversation while grunting out farts.

It's funny, I work with a few dudes who will be talking to you and have no problem shittin* their pants while your talking to them. It's like they want to savor the flavor and let you gag on their mass production of the toxic gas they just produced. I don't think I've done that since I was in highschool. If you're not in the bathroom, is it proper etiquette to still share with a college or any other random dude? You would think they would walk away so you didnt suffer as well, but some want you to bask in the abomination with them

 

[ganner918_rivals60369]

Where the hell IS it appropriate to far if not in the bathroom? Having an audience is not a bad thing.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

If you can't fart in a bathroom, where can you fart?

End of discussion. Let it fly.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Although, I do feel bad when I have awful mudbutt on Monday morning.. the kind that sounds like liquid or a gurgling monster. Even I have some self-respect and manners! I usually wait till the bathroom clears out or time it with someone else's flush to mask the noise. But then sometimes I misfire.. where the guy flushes, I lag behind, and THEN, when it's quiet again, I dump hot liquid for everyone to hear.

Life, ya know?

 

[LineSkiCat14]

I really need to stop eating hot wings all weekend..

 

[shockdaddy19]

Farting in public restrooms is perfectly acceptable.

One thing that makes me laugh/pity other people: The airport "I'm having serious stomach issues" guy. I used to do a fair amount of traveling and nothing made me pity people more than the guy who runs into the airport bathroom and has their anus just come unhinged. Like they've been eating chili tacos on that 4 hour flight across country. Makes me laugh every time.

 

[UKserialkiller]

I was on a Greyhound from Lexington to Apple Valley, Ca. There was dude who was short. Not a midget but damn close. Well this little bastard took a **** in the bus bathroom. Wow, just wow. Stunk so bad that the driver had to pull over. Everyone got out. Now I don't know what that lil mf'er ate, but he damn near killed us all.

 

[TriangleUKCat]

I was on a Greyhound from Lexington to Apple Valley, Ca. There was dude who was short. Not a midget but damn close. Well this little bastard took a **** in the bus bathroom. Wow, just wow. Stunk so bad that the driver had to pull over. Everyone got out. Now don't know what that lil mf'er ate, but he damn near killed us all.

Willy, we know you love poop/orifices/etc. but if there wasn't a urinal in said bus bathroom, all of what you just posted was not germane to this conversation whatsoever.

Please confirm a urinal was on the GD bus or GFY. Thanks.

 

[UKserialkiller]

Willy, we know you love poop/orifices/etc. but if there wasn't a urinal in said bus bathroom, all of what you just posted was not germane to this conversation whatsoever.

Please confirm a urinal was on the GD bus or GFY. Thanks.

No urinal per se. Quasi-urinalish.

 

[TriangleUKCat]

Thanks, Willy.

Please proceed, everyone.

 

[Catman100]

So earlier this morning I laid down a toxic crop dusting at the urinal. It was unforgivably foul and a bit loud.

There was some poor son of a ***** back in the stall that had to have heard it and definitely smelled it. Not only is he likely jealous that I covered up his ripe stank stew, but the next guy in probably called the fire department on him thinking something had to be dead in there.

What say you Cats Paws? Okay to fart at the urinal if someone is in a back stall? What if there's someone in the urinal right next to you? Do you try to slip it out like a beta pleb or do your force out the loud mud thunder as a true alpha elite? I'm trying to work this into a promotion and corner office.

Early season contender for post of the year!!!! LMAO OP...Bravo, Bravo.

 

[catsfanbgky]

I actually confirmed with my 17 and 21 year old sons just the other day, a true "crop dusting" is silent. So if the op's fart was "a bit loud", then it was not a true crop dusting. Crop Dusting is when said farter rolls into a group of unsuspecting sniffers, and releases a silent fart and does not lay claim to said silent fart, only then has he truly "crop dusted" the unwarned group. The whole purpose of crop dusting is to not give warning and the victims have no clue where it came from. So I call ******** (no pun intended).

 

[argubs2]

You don't linger on a crop dust...you dust while flying by. It's important to maintain regular walking speed / posture and to not make eye contact with the victim(s).

 

[argubs2]

As you can see, our infrared cameras have found Steve in a mall. He has the poop-pangs, but suspects he can delay the incoming fecal explosion by releasing some pressure.

He carefully looks behind him and sees a man passing behind him quickly...this startles him. Combined with the intensifying pangs and this unexpected encounter, he mistakenly releases a quick puff of butt binaca that undoubtedly follows the man for a good distance.

Did he smell that? Did he hear it? He doesn't know. But at this point, it's either release the rest of the thick, gaseous *** spray (aka Fecal Febreeze) or double over from the pangs.

He does what he needs to do to survive and advance.

 

[Barleycorn]

Crop dusting is best while traveling up an escalator at a busy airport or shopping mall. Unsuspecting people are forced right through the stank.

 

[rmattox]

Willy, we know you love poop/orifices/etc. but if there wasn't a urinal in said bus bathroom, all of what you just posted was not germane to this conversation whatsoever.

Please confirm a urinal was on the GD bus or GFY. Thanks.

Not that Willy needs to be defended,but if there was a sink, then one could say....at least I'd say ...it's a reasonable facsimile of a urinal.

 

[rmattox]

As you can see, our infrared cameras have found Steve in a mall. He has the poop-pangs, but suspects he can delay the incoming fecal explosion by releasing some pressure.

He carefully looks behind him and sees a man passing behind him quickly...this startles him. Combined with the intensifying pangs and this unexpected encounter, he mistakenly releases a quick puff of butt binaca that undoubtedly follows the man for a good distance.

Did he smell that? Did he hear it? He doesn't know. But at this point, it's either release the rest of the thick, gaseous *** spray (aka Fecal Febreeze) or double over from the pangs.

He does what he needs to do to survive and advance.

He's an idiot. He's farting into the wind. Jim Croce said in one of his unpublished lyrics "You don't fart into the wind".

 

[Wall2Boogie]

This thread has some gold and brown in it lol

 

[theoledog]

Why would anyone miss such oppotunities as mentioned above without at least making an effort to leave such a proud effort in the women's room......... If you're going to do it do it right... Do it in their place, next to them in the grocery store (and give them the look)... In the car with the family and blame it on the wife... Hey, share your success with others!

 

[Captain Forehead]

Why would anyone miss such oppotunities as mentioned above without at least making an effort to leave such a proud effort in the women's room......... If you're going to do it do it right... Do it in their place, next to them in the grocery store (and give them the look)... In the car with the family and blame it on the wife... Hey, share your success with others!

Went to a concert at the old Louisville speedway. Skynyrd and whoever the hell else was there. Got off at the outer loop exit and sat in traffic. Bout to shat my pants and several of us get out of the car in traffic and walk to the McDonalds. Figured we'd take care of business and find the car in traffic again. Well, the men's bathroom is messed up. Urinals are open but someone ruined the only commode it had. Spackled **** everywhere. I'm standing there trying to figure out what to do. I see a woman come out of the ladies restroom and I ask her if there are any more women in there. She replies no. So I stand there for a minute to make sure she's gone and doesn't see me go in. Once she's out the door, I hurry in and get in the furthest stall and lock the door. Blowing up the bathrrom with the hershey squirts and very little solids. Farts echoing..... Then some women walk in and now I'm clinching and trying to be quiet while they yack and take care of business themselves. I've been gone from the car for about 15 min or so and I get a call on my cell. Now because I've been drinking I think it's a good idea to answer it while these other women are still in the bathroom with me. In my girliest voice I answer with a "Hello?" It's my crew wondering what the hell is taking so long. I continue to speak a little in my girly voice all the while it's gotten quiet in the restroom. Hang up the phone and when the women walk out, I finish my business as fast as I can and get the hell out of there. I wash my hands hit the door and on my way out another woman is walking in. She gives me a confused look and says , "Oh sorry!" Begins to turn to go into the men's restroom when she realizes what she's doing. I'm halfway out the building and she looks at me like what the hell are you doing int he women's restroom?

 

[ukfan606]

There is nothing better than to see a happy young couple walking up your aisle in a store and leaving a crop dusting for them to walk into. The gagging sound that you hear and the looks on their faces make it hard to keep a straight face.