What's the meanest/worst thing you did as a kid?
- Thread starter YourPublicEnemy
- Start date
Never get tired of telling this one. Our neighborhood a-hole was Mr Crosby. He ignored us kids, the adults who tried to hail him, and pretty much everybody except his wife. He never gave out candy on Halloween, and good damn luck to the Girl Scouts trying to sell cookies.
On the 4th of July, 1973, my crew and I was pretty much out of firecrackers by 10 pm. When Herb and Rob's mom called them inside, we were just about ready to call it a night. We were between 11-13 years old. My older brother ran with HIS crew back then, and evidently somebody dropped a 50 pack of firecrackers and we found them. It was serendipity, because Crosby left his garage window open. We must have had the Vulcan mind-meld going, because we all said "Let's get Crosby".
Problem was, I had a twisted ankle so I couldn't do the deed and run fast enough to hide after the firecrackers went off. So I hid behind Greg's house, Eric was halfway between Greg's house and Crosby's (he was the lookout), and Huggy and Phil were the perps. Huggy lit the firecrackers, Phil shut the window. Eric told me afterwards that Huggy and Phil almost caught him running to our hiding spot! Crosby came out after a minute or so, and if we weren't already hiding, we would have been dead kids. He drove up and down the street for about a half hour while we were howling behind Greg's house.
And this was how cool my Dad was. Next day, the word evidently got out about what happened. During the summertime, the only time our paths crossed was at dinner. So Dad casually mentioned:"I heard somebody lit up Crosby last night". Me: "Firecrackers in his garage". Him: "Good". And that was that.
On the 4th of July, 1973, my crew and I was pretty much out of firecrackers by 10 pm. When Herb and Rob's mom called them inside, we were just about ready to call it a night. We were between 11-13 years old. My older brother ran with HIS crew back then, and evidently somebody dropped a 50 pack of firecrackers and we found them. It was serendipity, because Crosby left his garage window open. We must have had the Vulcan mind-meld going, because we all said "Let's get Crosby".
Problem was, I had a twisted ankle so I couldn't do the deed and run fast enough to hide after the firecrackers went off. So I hid behind Greg's house, Eric was halfway between Greg's house and Crosby's (he was the lookout), and Huggy and Phil were the perps. Huggy lit the firecrackers, Phil shut the window. Eric told me afterwards that Huggy and Phil almost caught him running to our hiding spot! Crosby came out after a minute or so, and if we weren't already hiding, we would have been dead kids. He drove up and down the street for about a half hour while we were howling behind Greg's house.
And this was how cool my Dad was. Next day, the word evidently got out about what happened. During the summertime, the only time our paths crossed was at dinner. So Dad casually mentioned:"I heard somebody lit up Crosby last night". Me: "Firecrackers in his garage". Him: "Good". And that was that.
My uncle swears he and his buddies used to take long needles from his father's doctor's office and stick them right through the middle (end to end) of the condom boxes in drug stores.
I wondered how long this would take. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw the thread. Bravo
Talked my youngest sister into putting another sister's pet goldfish through the disposal.
Painted a teammate's jock with icy hot before football practice. Needless to say he had a long day.
In 6th grade, I let loose of one of those silent burning farts in a U-shaped locker well next to the meanest girl in the school (Sholanda was bigger than almost all the boys). I got out of the way before she caught a whiff. Heard later that she punched the girl next to her in the face because she thought she was responsible.
Painted a teammate's jock with icy hot before football practice. Needless to say he had a long day.
In 6th grade, I let loose of one of those silent burning farts in a U-shaped locker well next to the meanest girl in the school (Sholanda was bigger than almost all the boys). I got out of the way before she caught a whiff. Heard later that she punched the girl next to her in the face because she thought she was responsible.
Last edited:
As a kid it would have to be a prank I pulled on my mom. I was probably around 9-10. I took a ketchup bottle out on the back deck, left the sliding glass door open and poured the entire bottle all over me. Then threw the bottle down to bust it for the sound, ran in the house and started screaming.
I got my *** beat over that one.
I got my *** beat over that one.
I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run. I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead... but I'm sorry. Not a day goes by I don't see his face.
Alright I'll come clean. 1st grade I **** my pants. I wish it ended there but it didn't.
I **** myself. And I sat in the back with the slowest learner in class because I was a fast learner and the teacher used me to keep him up to speed. He was very poor, buck teeth, glasses with a strap, crossed eyes, very strong speech inpediment. He also constantly moved and got up from his seat. In today's class this kid would be special Ed and I'm sure he was ADHD.
well knowing I **** myself I sat in my chair and didn't speak just praying to make it until the bell rang without my teacher finding out. This kid, we will call him Johnny. Johnny was all over the place sharpening his pencil 75 times running around asking questions.
My first grade teacher walked up to my desk and she looks my direction. "Have you used the bathroom on yourself?" And I could feel the tears coming down. Then all of the sudden god looked down and smiled on me "AHHHH WAHHH IT WAS AN ACCIDENT TEACHER!" Little Johnny began to sob. It sounded more like "it wa ackiden teachow." When he said it. He cried and he whole class laughed at him as he took the walk of shame to family resource for new pants.
Meanwhile I let him take the heat for me and thanked God he **** himself that day too. The bell rang and I ran to the car and told my mom we had to go home pronto lol. That poor kid took the heat for me alone. I look back and feel bad because he just didn't have much going for him. I wish the fairy tales ended well but I think he like dates his close cousin and draws welfare. I may have started that.
I **** myself. And I sat in the back with the slowest learner in class because I was a fast learner and the teacher used me to keep him up to speed. He was very poor, buck teeth, glasses with a strap, crossed eyes, very strong speech inpediment. He also constantly moved and got up from his seat. In today's class this kid would be special Ed and I'm sure he was ADHD.
well knowing I **** myself I sat in my chair and didn't speak just praying to make it until the bell rang without my teacher finding out. This kid, we will call him Johnny. Johnny was all over the place sharpening his pencil 75 times running around asking questions.
My first grade teacher walked up to my desk and she looks my direction. "Have you used the bathroom on yourself?" And I could feel the tears coming down. Then all of the sudden god looked down and smiled on me "AHHHH WAHHH IT WAS AN ACCIDENT TEACHER!" Little Johnny began to sob. It sounded more like "it wa ackiden teachow." When he said it. He cried and he whole class laughed at him as he took the walk of shame to family resource for new pants.
Meanwhile I let him take the heat for me and thanked God he **** himself that day too. The bell rang and I ran to the car and told my mom we had to go home pronto lol. That poor kid took the heat for me alone. I look back and feel bad because he just didn't have much going for him. I wish the fairy tales ended well but I think he like dates his close cousin and draws welfare. I may have started that.
This is exactly like Ashton Kutcher in The Butterfly Effect. That was the turning point for him. He would have been All-State in wrestling and ended up marrying the Homecoming Queen and got his own business.
But you let him take the heat. So here we are.
man - this is a good thread actually -- and a good idea
it's cathartic and semi-sorta anonymous
I have a s
and now I stop
it's cathartic and semi-sorta anonymous
I have a s
and now I stop
Last edited:
Faked a seizure when I was kid. Did a really effective job till I started laughing. My dad beat my *** till I thought I was gonna have a real one.
During our high school lunch, some other kids would run into the gym and harass a teacher during class and then run out. Well one day, my friends and I got blamed for it when we were innocent(wrong place, wrong time), so the next time they did it I slid a piece a of wood in between the door handles. It was pretty funny watching them run face first into the doors and then get caught by the teacher.
Can't think of anything that I'd consider terribly mean as a kid, but when I was taking Driver's Ed as a 14 year old, we were out in the car one day with me behind the wheel. I stopped at a red light in town behind some old guy. The light turned green, the old man in front sat there for about a 5 count without moving, so I laid down on the horn (just doing what my dad would have done in that situation) and said MOVE IT POPS! The instructor (who was also our offensive coordinator) went ballistic and gave me a good *** chewing, saying "you'll be old one day".....he even laughed about it a few minutes later and said "I still can't believe you blew the horn at that poor old man".....
Drowned a kitten in the bird bath when I was like 6. I was later told I was trying to give it a bath, but Dad still lost his mind. He about killed me.
8th grade flushed a 3rd graders uniform down the toilet. They had changed in the bathroom into costume for a play.
Endless weekends of mailbox baseball.
Egging houses. I would always drive by the next day and laugh hysterically watching people clean their windows. I was a s**t.
A lot of other terrible c**p that I don't care to mention. LOL
8th grade flushed a 3rd graders uniform down the toilet. They had changed in the bathroom into costume for a play.
Endless weekends of mailbox baseball.
Egging houses. I would always drive by the next day and laugh hysterically watching people clean their windows. I was a s**t.
A lot of other terrible c**p that I don't care to mention. LOL
Mods please ban for animal cruelty and going backwards in life in worst things you have done.
Friend of mine absolutely hated his neighbor, an older widower who would basically tell my friend's mom anything he observed said friend doing, even normal 10 year old nonsense.
One day I went over to friend's house and he was all sulky/pissed about something the neighbor conveyed to his mom that got him in trouble. Said he was grounded but said "come back in a little while. Mom's running an errand. I have an idea."
I kind of lurked like a creepy bastard at a safe distance where I could see when his mom drove away. When she did, I returned to his house. He let me in and had already started pulling out a bunch of spices/random food out. He said we were going to cook a bunch of smelly stuff and throw it on his neighbor's car which was a convertible.
I wasn't thrilled to participate but did anyway, at least in throwing together all sorts of stuff in a pot. My friend disappeared to the back of the house for a bit and emerged with a grocery bag. I asked him what was in there.
"I made Kyle (his little brother) take a dump in here. Watch this!" He proceeds to throw the turds in the cooking vat of now not only ****** smelling food but literal ****. House starts reeking to holy hell so he takes the pot off and asks me to help him carry it next door. I refused and he got pissed/mocked me but he took it himself.
Watched from the window as he ran the pot of boiling **** covered **** food over and chucked it all over the car, my stomach in knots like "oh my god he actually did it." An older lady was sitting in her car at the curb and yelled out something as my friend ran full throttle back to the house. We locked the door and ran to the back. I asked what the lady said and friend replied "she asked how could I do that today." We didn't know why "today" mattered.
I left and ran home, teeth chattering with nerves. Friend took all the blame and I escaped without any mention of involvement, though when my dad brought it up in passing I think he could tell I knew all about it.
Found out later that the lady in the car had just left the house a few minutes before after informing the old man his only child had died in a wreck earlier that day.
Actually think about it quite a bit to this day and get sad/pissed at being involved at all.
One day I went over to friend's house and he was all sulky/pissed about something the neighbor conveyed to his mom that got him in trouble. Said he was grounded but said "come back in a little while. Mom's running an errand. I have an idea."
I kind of lurked like a creepy bastard at a safe distance where I could see when his mom drove away. When she did, I returned to his house. He let me in and had already started pulling out a bunch of spices/random food out. He said we were going to cook a bunch of smelly stuff and throw it on his neighbor's car which was a convertible.
I wasn't thrilled to participate but did anyway, at least in throwing together all sorts of stuff in a pot. My friend disappeared to the back of the house for a bit and emerged with a grocery bag. I asked him what was in there.
"I made Kyle (his little brother) take a dump in here. Watch this!" He proceeds to throw the turds in the cooking vat of now not only ****** smelling food but literal ****. House starts reeking to holy hell so he takes the pot off and asks me to help him carry it next door. I refused and he got pissed/mocked me but he took it himself.
Watched from the window as he ran the pot of boiling **** covered **** food over and chucked it all over the car, my stomach in knots like "oh my god he actually did it." An older lady was sitting in her car at the curb and yelled out something as my friend ran full throttle back to the house. We locked the door and ran to the back. I asked what the lady said and friend replied "she asked how could I do that today." We didn't know why "today" mattered.
I left and ran home, teeth chattering with nerves. Friend took all the blame and I escaped without any mention of involvement, though when my dad brought it up in passing I think he could tell I knew all about it.
Found out later that the lady in the car had just left the house a few minutes before after informing the old man his only child had died in a wreck earlier that day.
Actually think about it quite a bit to this day and get sad/pissed at being involved at all.
Last edited:
To clarify: My "like" of the above post is in no way to be considered as "liking" the Clown's erection, at least not in the abstract, because, well, that would be quite gay, not that there's....you know the rest.
Used to dine and ditch at the Bowling Green Cracker Barrel all the time in college. It was so simple at CB since you don't pay the server at the table. So instead of walking up to the counter in the little country store my buddies and I would just walk right out without paying.
My only ditch and dine experience was coincidentally at this same Cracker Barrel. Not me, but a friend who was with me.
Get can have several connotations. Get as in 'receive' or get as in 'achieve'?
You know sometimes it's best to not be so defensive
The beauty of the story is that as a kid he killed a drifter and in so doing blossomed into puberty. I'm betting the drunken clown persona came sometime later, as more of a signature touch
This story reminded me of one a fellow co-worker once told me. Said growing up there was this old lady who lived next door that was such a pain in the ***. Well, during summer break she was always harassing him and his brother about mundane ****. Calling the cops on them for crossing the property line while playing. On a somewhat regular basis having to talk to the police because of stupid **** and the police were like just try to avoid her and her property. The whole time telling the police that the ***** is crazy. So one day they have had enough of it. When mom and dad go to town he gets a bright idea. They get out dad's shotgun. Take one shell and remove all the shot. Go outside where they know she can see and hear them. They fake an argument which leads to one brother shooting another with the shotgun. When the boy falls to the ground they see her run from her window to call the cops. Well, several show up but don't find a boy suffering from a shotgun blast. Their story is that they were inside the whole time playing games. Police talk to old lady and tell her to quit calling. Don't believe the senile old *****. They never had a problem with her again. They may have even convinced her that she was going crazy.
There were these guys that had a band in high school that was really awful. They had a webpage that had a little forum on it and we used to make screen names and pretend to be fans, and then suddenly trash everything they did. It was cruel. They really never bothered us and we just mercilessly mocked them. Tempted sometimes to contact them and apologize to thwart my inevitable murder by their hands, like Buscemi in Billy Madison.
When I was about 12, one of the kids in the neigborhood's father left the family with some young ***** - just gone one morning when they woke up with a note.
About 3 months later, we were playing hockey and the kid was on the opposing team. We got into a trash talking match in which the penultimate insult, slung by him, was "your dad brings home the welfare check." My reply to that was "at least I have a dad."
The ensuing brawl was epic.
About 3 months later, we were playing hockey and the kid was on the opposing team. We got into a trash talking match in which the penultimate insult, slung by him, was "your dad brings home the welfare check." My reply to that was "at least I have a dad."
The ensuing brawl was epic.
Magnificent work. "At least I have a dad" was my nuclear option during some childhood disputes. If I needed to either end an argument or get into a good fight, that line did it.