No matter how good she looks. Someone, somewhere is tired of her ****.
Words to live by
- Thread starter Glenn's Take
- Start date
After 40 you should never trust a fart and never waste an erection.
I used to be ‘with it.’ But then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary to me. It’ll happen to you!
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try."
If you find a toilet in your dream, don’t use it.
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life Son.
“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor”
Live every day as if it's your last, because one day you'll surely be right
“Walk a while in a man’s shoes—then turn and laugh at him because you stole his shoes.
My daddy once told me to:
1. never mess with a girl if you couldn’t hug her and touch your fingers behind her back and
2. never **** with a dog with a bigger dick than I got.
True words to live by.
1. never mess with a girl if you couldn’t hug her and touch your fingers behind her back and
2. never **** with a dog with a bigger dick than I got.
True words to live by.
It is better to remain silent and be thought an idiot than to speak up and remove all doubt.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Don't sweat the small stuff and it's all small stuff.
Beaks and Cheeks... *** and chicken 
if u don't wake up wanting both your not waking up right...
if u don't wake up wanting both your not waking up right...When you finally make ends meet, someone will move the ends.
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My granddad told me just the opposite. “Son, marry you a big girl. She’ll keep you warm in the winter and give you shade in the summer.”
And eat ya outta house and home, and stink like body odor and dirty ***, and run up the Diabetes bill. On the bright side fat folks don’t often live past 65 or so so maybe by the time a body is ready to retire they’ll be able to do it alone without that nag in their ear all the time.
“Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity". -Roman philosopher Seneca.
Don’t dip your pen in company ink - Dad, after finding out I was dating a coworker in college
My parents always told me (especially in high school and college) that nothing good happens at 2 in the morning. Have found them to be right more often than not.
Good? No
Fun? Yes
I don’t think I’ve ever eaten Waffle House a) sober b) before 2 am or after 4 am