Youth Basketball Parents

Laettner

All-Conference
Mar 11, 2002
6,249
1,390
0
Anyone here coach youth basketball? I coach middle school, low level AAU and run Rec League with 80+ teams. Middle School & AAU parents were a dream this year. Rec league parents during end of season tourney this past weekend was a nightmare!

Fathers & Mothers screaming at refs from stands, one mom was ejected. Coaches blaming refs for 20 pt losses. Coaches tossed and technicals assessed everywhere. I coached over 80 games this Fall/Winter without one single tech but two 4th grade rec coaches were ejected just yesterday. Parents are totally out of control. These people will now move onto lacrosse, baseball or soccer and continue the poor behavior.

Glad season is over and I can focus on Duke now!
 

Austinduke

Junior
Oct 11, 2018
390
284
0
I coach basketball at a local high school on the Jv level and help with the varsity but I work Recreation during the day time... Recreation basketball was the worst this season of any we’ve had with parents and coaches.. More technical fouls and ejections having to call deputies to remove people in all the other 16 years I’ve worked combined. We’ve got some parents/ coaches banned now for a year
 

Austinduke

Junior
Oct 11, 2018
390
284
0
We had a really hard time getting refs this season due to the parents and coaches, but we are hoping with the longer suspensions from attending and coaching will help send the message
 

Laettner

All-Conference
Mar 11, 2002
6,249
1,390
0
We had a really hard time getting refs this season due to the parents and coaches, but we are hoping with the longer suspensions from attending and coaching will help send the message

Might try suspending parents, maybe that would work.
 
  • Like
Reactions: skysdad

skysdad

Heisman
Mar 3, 2006
42,753
22,653
0
I am a youth score keeper for rec. baseball where I live. Years ago we had both parents and coaches who displayed poor sportsmanship. I witnessed several parents ask to leave the field on their own or be escorted out. A few years ago the youth director came out with a code of honor . They must sign the code before their child is allowed to play and the coaches must sign in order to be able to coach. Since this was put in place I have not seen one incident of bad behavior and the kids have fun. I also keep score for adult basketball and softball. I can't count the number of bench clearing near brawls, shoving, vulgar language with children there to witness it all. I've seen officials threatened and one followed home by an upset player. Just a few weeks ago during a basketball a dispute broke out between two teams and one of the players left the gym and came back in with a loaded assault rifle and was waving all around the gym and yes small children were there. 911 was called quickly and the place was swarming with police within a couple of minutes. They apprehended three players trying to leave the scene and they had the rifle. No one was hurt by the grace of God. It seems kids are much more well behaved than adults. Go figure. One sort of amusing about the 911 call is the dispatcher ask the caller if anyone had been shot. The caller said not yet. OFC
 

Canadian Dukie

All-Conference
Nov 22, 2017
1,670
1,788
0
It's amazing how something so insignificant can escalate so out of proportion.The worst part of it is that the kids see their parents acting like this and probably think it's ok.
 
  • Like
Reactions: dbav and skysdad

Lavar5150

Senior
Oct 17, 2001
592
641
63
Anyone here coach youth basketball? I coach middle school, low level AAU and run Rec League with 80+ teams. Middle School & AAU parents were a dream this year. Rec league parents during end of season tourney this past weekend was a nightmare!

Fathers & Mothers screaming at refs from stands, one mom was ejected. Coaches blaming refs for 20 pt losses. Coaches tossed and technicals assessed everywhere. I coached over 80 games this Fall/Winter without one single tech but two 4th grade rec coaches were ejected just yesterday. Parents are totally out of control. These people will now move onto lacrosse, baseball or soccer and continue the poor behavior.

Glad season is over and I can focus on Duke now!
Yes, I coach Aau and it has gotten worse. The area I live in publicizes kids “committing” to D3 schools so parents think there are big scholarships involved. Couple that with kids specializing on a sport and throwing tons of dollars into training, it makes the parent feel entitled and put tons of pressure on the kid. These kids don’t want to work so they look to jump to another team if they don’t get the minutes they feel they deserve.

I have fielded numerous parent calls and they all want to talk playing time yet never ask what their kid can do better.
 
  • Like
Reactions: skysdad

skysdad

Heisman
Mar 3, 2006
42,753
22,653
0
We had a really hard time getting refs this season due to the parents and coaches, but we are hoping with the longer suspensions from attending and coaching will help send the message


We have an official shortage here where I live. OFC
 

Nivram50

Junior
Oct 17, 2018
126
209
0
Since I coach football, the crowd noise and bull crap isn't an issue because we generally can't hear it like you can in a basketball gym or at a baseball game. It does make going to games difficult for me to sit in the stands. Many of the fans drive me nuts.
One local AD years ago had a great line when I interviewed him about an opening he had while I was writing for the paper. The football position had been open for a couple of months and I asked if he had selected candidates for interviews yet. He said something to the effect of "We've got several good candidates we are going to interview, but we are still holding the position open currently because we have yet to receive any applications from the two dozen hall of fame coaches that are in the stands every Friday night. We know they know more about the game and how the players should be used than any coach we've had on staff. We hope and pray they will apply so that we can improve the program to the levels of their expectations."
 

Dad2ze

All-Conference
Feb 8, 2012
3,497
3,713
0
Anyone here coach youth basketball? I coach middle school, low level AAU and run Rec League with 80+ teams. Middle School & AAU parents were a dream this year. Rec league parents during end of season tourney this past weekend was a nightmare!

Fathers & Mothers screaming at refs from stands, one mom was ejected. Coaches blaming refs for 20 pt losses. Coaches tossed and technicals assessed everywhere. I coached over 80 games this Fall/Winter without one single tech but two 4th grade rec coaches were ejected just yesterday. Parents are totally out of control. These people will now move onto lacrosse, baseball or soccer and continue the poor behavior.

Glad season is over and I can focus on Duke now!
Ever had a parent from your team, which by the way is beating teams by an avg of 15-25 a game, come to you and say her some isn’t getting the ball enough. Which by the way he’s the leading scorer?!?! I’m like WTH lady!!!
 

pisgah101

Heisman
Dec 26, 2005
15,262
12,806
113
Anyone here coach youth basketball? I coach middle school, low level AAU and run Rec League with 80+ teams. Middle School & AAU parents were a dream this year. Rec league parents during end of season tourney this past weekend was a nightmare!

Fathers & Mothers screaming at refs from stands, one mom was ejected. Coaches blaming refs for 20 pt losses. Coaches tossed and technicals assessed everywhere. I coached over 80 games this Fall/Winter without one single tech but two 4th grade rec coaches were ejected just yesterday. Parents are totally out of control. These people will now move onto lacrosse, baseball or soccer and continue the poor behavior.

Glad season is over and I can focus on Duke now!

I didn’t know you lived in my town!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Laettner

Dad2ze

All-Conference
Feb 8, 2012
3,497
3,713
0
Funny I comment on this earlier and at tonight’s and it took a turn for the worse. A parent not only coaching his kid from the stands but talking trash about our PG who is actually decent. Our PGs mom was sitting beside him. I’m on the bench like WTH!?!
 

dukehokie

All-American
Jun 27, 2005
19,624
6,220
0
Ever had a parent from your team, which by the way is beating teams by an avg of 15-25 a game, come to you and say her some isn’t getting the ball enough. Which by the way he’s the leading scorer?!?! I’m like WTH lady!!!

Yep. I coach a travel and AAU team here in Northern VA and I’ve had this happen almost every season. Little Johnny needs to score 30 a game instead 20.

I had a 6th grade parent, tell me I cost their son a scholarship to Georgetown.

It’s a shame because it can acutely put a bad taste in your mouth about the kid, but you have to separate yourself from the situation mentally and understand that these kids aren’t the problem. The parents 9/10 times create the issue.
 

pisgah101

Heisman
Dec 26, 2005
15,262
12,806
113
Yep. I coach a travel and AAU team here in Northern VA and I’ve had this happen almost every season. Little Johnny needs to score 30 a game instead 20.

I had a 6th grade parent, tell me I cost their son a scholarship to Georgetown.

It’s a shame because it can acutely put a bad taste in your mouth about the kid, but you have to separate yourself from the situation mentally and understand that these kids aren’t the problem. The parents 9/10 times create the issue.

Man hokie I can’t believe you cost a kid a scholly!!’n
 

kwyjibos13

All-Conference
Nov 23, 2012
1,381
1,255
0
Yes, I coach Aau and it has gotten worse. The area I live in publicizes kids “committing” to D3 schools so parents think there are big scholarships involved. Couple that with kids specializing on a sport and throwing tons of dollars into training, it makes the parent feel entitled and put tons of pressure on the kid. These kids don’t want to work so they look to jump to another team if they don’t get the minutes they feel they deserve.

I have fielded numerous parent calls and they all want to talk playing time yet never ask what their kid can do better.

About five years ago, D3 instituted a "celebratory signing letter" which actually means nothing. At D3, I can publicize a kid as coming to my school if they pay a housing deposit. But there is nothing binding. Hence, most of my coaches don't want to publicize until they are on campus.

The number of parents who act like idiots is mind boggling. We had a fanbase go nuts on a call where the defender was in the circle. But they do not realize 1. Primary defenders, does not matter where on the court they are and 2. It was a push off.

The coaches are just as bad...

We have one fanbase in my conference that have by far the worst sportsmanship but are the first to call/email the conference if someone looks at them...

2 funny stories, about this fanbase

1. We hosted a conference crossover volleyball tournament. 2 courts (in separate buildings across the street from each other). In our second gym, our fitness center (which was open) first match of day. Free admission. Said fanbase gets on running track above gym to watch. Our AD goes up to tell them for their and our patrons safety, they have to go down to the benches in the gym. They started going hysterical. mind you, first match of the weekend. "You guys are the worst hosts. I'm calling the conference offices and telling you to never host again. AD looks right at them and says "call the conference offices. We will be glad to never host this again"

2. Same fanbase, we we're hosting the conference baseball tournament. Said team had a player on deck who was as wide as tall. Our resident heckler basketball player starts singing "I'm a little tea pot." Kids laughing, parents are ready to fight. Police had to be ready for fanbase after game because we were afraid they would attack their coach.

As SIDs, you should see the people who go off on us about stats, especially about baseball/softball. We have ruined so many possible pro baseball careers by our hit/error calls...
 

Laettner

All-Conference
Mar 11, 2002
6,249
1,390
0
Yep. I coach a travel and AAU team here in Northern VA and I’ve had this happen almost every season. Little Johnny needs to score 30 a game instead 20.

I had a 6th grade parent, tell me I cost their son a scholarship to Georgetown.

It’s a shame because it can acutely put a bad taste in your mouth about the kid, but you have to separate yourself from the situation mentally and understand that these kids aren’t the problem. The parents 9/10 times create the issue.

G'town, you did the kid a favor b/c he'd never see the NCAA tourney.
 
  • Like
Reactions: dbav and dukehokie

Laettner

All-Conference
Mar 11, 2002
6,249
1,390
0
Funny I comment on this earlier and at tonight’s and it took a turn for the worse. A parent not only coaching his kid from the stands but talking trash about our PG who is actually decent. Our PGs mom was sitting beside him. I’m on the bench like WTH!?!

My youngest son got heckled by opposing fans this weekend in 3rd grade rec "he can only go left". So my son drove right and made a layup. My 13 year old son in stands says outloud "how do you like me now"(Good Will Hunting!) I told him to stop but did laugh inside.
 

skysdad

Heisman
Mar 3, 2006
42,753
22,653
0
Here's an issue I have a problem with and it happens because I know parents who have experienced it. I really don't understand AAU basketball or baseball goes as far as fielding teams. Here parents have to pay a pretty significant fee for the kid to play on an AAU team. What I get from them is a lot of coaches will have a full roster but only play in basketball 8 or so players and in baseball maybe playing 10 or 11. The rest of the kids ride the bench unless a main player or two can't make it that weekend. These fill players never play. Parents tell me that they have to pay travel expenses including gas , food and lodging. They even have to pay admission.To the kid and parent it's a honor to be ask to play AAU so for a parent it's hard to tell your kid no. After a few weekends of not playing both the kid and parent have had enough and quit. Of course the fees and travel expense funds have already been spent. I know all coaches dont pull this and I know we have some AAU coaches like dukehokie who have enough integrity to play everyone on the team orvjust not ask if the kid is not good enough. Have any of you had that experience or know if it is practiced a lot. OFC
 

RanDEVILman

Senior
Jan 13, 2014
628
470
0
Im sorry skysdad, not to be a sarcastic a-hole, but are you asking is AAU is a money racket???

Because my simple answer would be yes.

I am a high school varsity coach and as such have very little appreciation for AAU and all of the ills that it brings upon the basketball world. The heart of it is still ok, more basketball, in some cases more top flight basketball competitions. However, just in my lifetime (last 30 years or so) it has become bastardized to the point its hardly recognizable to someone who grew up when I did.

I think the interesting thing, back to your original point, is that where I am from AAU teams are generally getting smaller. What seems to happen is those kids who aren't going to play get their dad or some other parent to create a new team of 7 to 8 guys and they go play together. Its really not about the competition or "making the team" anymore. There are so many tournaments in any given weekend that you can just go play, as long as someone will pay. Now the big time legit stuff is still somewhat competitive, but even that is slipping. With the guys I have coached that are real players, they don't pay to play. Some AAU organization or coach will bankroll the travel etc. for the best players. So I always tell my guys, and I realize this sounds pretty harsh, if you're paying to play, the college coaches aren't there to see you. Im sure thats not 100% true, and again this is more in the Greensboro-triad area that I'm discussing, but the top guys are not shelling out tons of money to play ball every weekend.
 

Laettner

All-Conference
Mar 11, 2002
6,249
1,390
0
Here's an issue I have a problem with and it happens because I know parents who have experienced it. I really don't understand AAU basketball or baseball goes as far as fielding teams. Here parents have to pay a pretty significant fee for the kid to play on an AAU team. What I get from them is a lot of coaches will have a full roster but only play in basketball 8 or so players and in baseball maybe playing 10 or 11. The rest of the kids ride the bench unless a main player or two can't make it that weekend. These fill players never play. Parents tell me that they have to pay travel expenses including gas , food and lodging. They even have to pay admission.To the kid and parent it's a honor to be ask to play AAU so for a parent it's hard to tell your kid no. After a few weekends of not playing both the kid and parent have had enough and quit. Of course the fees and travel expense funds have already been spent. I know all coaches dont pull this and I know we have some AAU coaches like dukehokie who have enough integrity to play everyone on the team orvjust not ask if the kid is not good enough. Have any of you had that experience or know if it is practiced a lot. OFC

Two years ago I watched numerous families leave Rec for AAU without realizing how AAU works. Most just wanted to tell people their kid played academy ball. Few months later they quit due to benching/cost and came back to Rec hoops. At that point I selected the 8 best players in that Rec age group, taught them real basketball over two years and now in 8th grade we are beating AAU squads and finished 3rd in middle school county league. AAU teams love to press and fire up threes but struggle big time when that doesn't affect the opponent. I play everyone in each game, some get more time b/c its deserved. My son does not start b/c he's the 6th best out of 8. Cost to parents is local gym rental, insurance & game fees - $385 for Summer/Fall season(July-Nov). We beat teams which charge $800-$1,200 with coaches who have shoe deals but cannot figure out a diamond press.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tlass and skysdad

dukehokie

All-American
Jun 27, 2005
19,624
6,220
0
@skysdad I agree with both above. The AAU squad I coach is not affiliated with any shoe companies, it’s more of what the original idea behind AAU was. We don’t play any EYBL or Adidas league tournaments, etc. It’s much more enjoyable and less evil.
 
  • Like
Reactions: skysdad

skysdad

Heisman
Mar 3, 2006
42,753
22,653
0
@skysdad I agree with both above. The AAU squad I coach is not affiliated with any shoe companies, it’s more of what the original idea behind AAU was. We don’t play any EYBL or Adidas league tournaments, etc. It’s much more enjoyable and less evil.


I had absolutely no doubts about that dukehokie. OFC
 

Tlass

Junior
Sep 26, 2011
399
325
0
I coach Pop warner football, and let me tell you its the same with these parents. My first year I coached i had 5-6 yr old's, by the reaction and calls i got from some parents you would have thought NFL scouts were coming to look them over. My heart goes out to the OP and all of those who have served in come compacity with sports. It can be trying at times but the reward of seeing kids give their all for eachother (despite age, race, religion, ect..) is amazing and most fulfilling to me.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Laettner and Dad2ze

Dad2ze

All-Conference
Feb 8, 2012
3,497
3,713
0
I coach Pop warner football, and let me tell you its the same with these parents. My first year I coached i had 5-6 yr old's, by the reaction and calls i got from some parents you would have thought NFL scouts were coming to look them over. My heart goes out to the OP and all of those who have served in come compacity with sports. It can be trying at times but the reward of seeing kids give their all for eachother (despite age, race, religion, ect..) is amazing and most fulfilling to me.
We had a kid on my sons rec b-ball team. He wasn’t good and honestly should’ve been in art class or science club. Anyways, all season they tried to get him the ball to score. It didn’t matter if we were down by 3 with 2 seconds and the ball, they wanted him to score. Last game of the season we were up by 10+. They passed him the ball and he kept missing. He finally scored after 15 attempts and you would’ve thought we won the Natty. That bench went bonkers!!! Those are the things sports should be about. Parents ruin the game.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tlass and Laettner

Austinduke

Junior
Oct 11, 2018
390
284
0
One of the best moments of coaching youth sports happened 6 years ago when my son was in 3rd grade playing basketball... we had a kid who had never scored in his life and never got to even dribble. Last game we let him dribble up the whole quarter and set screens for him to get open.. he made a shot and his Mom and people started crying and kid jumping up and down that’s what Rec is all about
 

RanDEVILman

Senior
Jan 13, 2014
628
470
0
To be fair to AAU, there are normal run of the mill rec leagues that can be broken too. But it doesn't seem the norm there. Most Rec leagues are run on a shoe-string budget and therefore are not about the money. One reason it kinda pains me to see money playing such a large role in AAU (a general term for travel league ball) is because that should be the 1 thing that makes basketball greater than many other sports. You don;t need much money to play and achieve success in basketball. You need a ball, and some friends. If you can find a goal, there are many, then all you need to do is practice and play. The traveling and money kind of make it awful.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Dad2ze