Tuesdays with Torbee

I am starting to feel a little feisty, which means college football is officially in the air. 

Seeing ESPN tab Badger quarterback Tanner Mordecai as the “most impactful” quarterback transfer in the Big 10 when Iowa has a former Big 10 Champion and College Football Playoff signal caller slated to start thanks to the portal really chafed my hide. I guess putting up gaudy numbers in a Group of Five conference that plays no defense is more impressive than putting up 42 points on the best defense in the Big 10. Who knew?!

Then the wags at Sickos Committee tabbed Iowa as their 2023 “preseason #1” (it’s not a compliment, trust me) and the irritation at Iowa’s offense being the ultimate butt of every college football joke last season resurfaced. Yes, last season’s bottom feeding, offensive offense deserved all the ridicule heaped upon it, but can we turn the freaking page? With a new quarterback, new transfer receivers, stellar tight ends, one of the best running backs in the conference and a hopefully healthier and more-seasoned offensive line, only a fool would think the Hawkeye offense will sputter as bad as it did last fall.

I, for one, look forward to many servings of crow by “experts” who prefer to run with an old, tired narrative rather than actually examine the facts on the ground as this season dawns. Here’s hoping Iowa again hits 30 points-per-game and shuts the naysayers up. I think it’s going to happen.

Let me be clear – I am an unabashed, Pollyannaish, black-and-gold-colored glasses super fan – at least until the first loss brings me back to earth. And I think that’s how college fandom should be. We’re spending hundreds of dollars watching kids barely out of their teens bash their brains in for our entertainment; the least we can do is have their backs until they give us reason to despair. 

Frankly, a few weeks ago, I was worried my general apathy about the college football landscape in general was going to diminish my interest in Iowa kicking off its season. Between mass transfers, re-alignment, money fights, gambling controversies and other off-season messes, I can’t say I’m bullish on the general direction of the sport I’ve loved since I was about 12. As excited as I am to go see an Iowa away game in the Coliseum or finally visit Autzen Stadium in Eugene, I think the erosion of regional rivalries and the abandonment of entire conferences (RIP Pac 12) is a sad and unhealthy trend. But then I’m also not the one being offered truckloads of television and streaming money to sell my history, either.

Misgivings about the future notwithstanding, the season is upon us, and my enthusiasm meter is refilling. I will go to the games, cheer my guts out for the Hawkeyes and argue with people on the internet about why they are much better than all the so-called pundit idiots give them credit for. You know, business as usual. 

As is tradition with the first Tuesdays With Torbee column of the year, I’ll share my pre-season Iowa prognostication. This season, I’m going to make my predictions in quads – taking the first four, middle four and final four games and predicting the Hawkeye record in those quads – ranking the games from most likely to least likely to win.

Quad One

Utah State, @Iowa State, Western Michigan, @Penn State. 

I see the Hawkeyes finishing this stretch 3-1. Most likely win is Western Michigan, followed by Utah State and Iowa State. I think the Cyclones will, as usual, give the Hawks fits. Nevertheless, down their starting quarterback and with other gambling-related suspensions, I think Iowa earns revenge from last year’s debacle in Kinnick. As for Penn State, Iowa will have a puncher’s chance, but this will be too much to overcome on the road.

Quad Two

Michigan State, Purdue, @Wisconsin, Minnesota.

This is the crucial stretch of the season. I rank the difficulty order thus: Michigan State, Purdue, Minnesota, @Wisconsin. I love that three-of-four are at home. In fact, I love it so much I’m predicting Iowa to get through this gauntlet 4-0, pulling an upset in Madison where the Badgers will still be a little off balance trying to install a brand new offensive identity and replacing defensive guru Jim Leonhard as defensive coordinator. If the Hawkeyes get through this section sitting at 7-1 overall, this will be a special season. And I think the likelihood is pretty good!

Quad Three

@Northwestern, Rutgers, Illinois, @Nebraska. 

Difficulty ranking I see as Illinois, @Nebraska, Rutgers, @Northwestern. I think Iowa drops one of either Illinois or at Nebraska and wins the remaining three. I don’t know which idea I hate worse – two losses in a row to Bielema-led Illinois or a second straight loss to the Cornhuskers. Both make me throw up in my mouth a little, but I think we have to brace ourselves for at least one of those being a loss. I think Rutgers and Northwestern are both flat out bad teams, so at worst, Iowa should go 2-2 here, but I’m putting my marker on 3-1

Overall

If my predictions hold, Iowa will be 10-2, 7-1 in the Big 10 and heading for Indy. They should have been there last year, so this will go a long way toward settling some of the more disgruntled fans down. Beat one of the East’s big three – unlikely but not impossible – and this will be Kirk Ferentz’ best turnaround job since 2015.

Let’s do it!