Envelope, Please: Week Five Awards

Every week, I’ll scan the nation and hand out awards. Without further ado … the envelope, please.

GAMES

Play this again: No. 23 Illinois 34, No. 21 USC 32

Never play this again: San Diego State 6, Northern Illinois 3

What? No. 17 Alabama 24, No. 5 Georgia 21

Huh? Duke 38, Syracuse 3

Are you kidding me? Virginia Tech 23, NC State 21

Oh. My. God: Virginia 46, No. 8 Florida State 38

Told you so: No. 6 Oregon 30, No. 3 Penn State 24

COACHES

Wish I was him: Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss

Glad I’m not him: Sam Pittman, Arkansas

Lucky guy: Brent Key, Georgia Tech

Poor guy: Kirk Ferentz, Iowa

Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Matt Campbell, Iowa State

Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Mike Norvell, Florida State

Desperately seeking … anything: Bill O’Brien, Boston College

TEAMS

Thought you’d kick butt, you did: Ohio State

Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: Florida State

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Arkansas

Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t: Mississippi State

Dang, they’re good: Vanderbilt

Dang, they’re bad: UCLA

Did the season start? West Virginia

Can the season never end? Indiana