The Envelope, Please: Week Six Awards

Every week, I’ll scan the nation and hand out awards. Without further ado … the envelope, please.
GAMES
Play this again: No. 24 Virginia 30, Louisville 27 OT
Never play this again: No. 5 Oklahoma 44, Kent State 0
What? Clemson 38, North Carolina 10
Huh? Cincinnati 38, No. 14 Iowa State 30
Are you kidding me? Florida 29, No. 9 Texas 21
Oh. My. God: UCLA 42, No. 7 Penn State 37
Told you so: No. 10 Alabama 30, No. 16 Vanderbilt 14
COACHES
Wish I was him: Kalani Sitake, BYU
Glad I’m not him: Mike Norvell, Florida State
Lucky guy: Dave Aranda, Baylor
Poor guy: Mike Locksley, Maryland
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Brent Brennan, Arizona
Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: James Franklin, Penn State
Desperately seeking … anything: Bill Belichick, North Carolina
TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: Miami
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: Iowa State
Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Oklahoma State
Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t: UCLA
Dang, they’re good: Ohio State
Dang, they’re bad: Boston College
Did the season start? Wisconsin
Can the season never end? UNLV