The Envelope, Please: Week Three Awards

Every week, I’ll scan the nation and hand out awards. Without further ado … the envelope, please.
GAMES
Play this again: No. 16 Texas A&M 41, No. 8 Notre Dame 40
Never play this again: No. 22 Indiana 73, Indiana State 0
What? Vanderbilt 31, South Carolina 7
Huh? North Texas 59, Washington State 10
Are you kidding me? New Mexico 35, UCLA 10
Oh. My. God: Georgia Tech 24, No. 12 Clemson 21
Told you so: No. 6 Georgia 44, No. 15 Tennessee 41 OT
COACHES
Wish I was him: Brent Key, Georgia Tech
Glad I’m not him: Chris Klieman, Kansas State
Lucky guy: Kirby Smart, Georgia
Poor guy: Marcus Freeman, Notre Dame
Desperately seeking a P.R. man: Clark Lea, Vanderbilt
Desperately seeking sunglasses and a fake beard: Shane Beamer, South Carolina
Desperately seeking … anything: DeShaun Foster, UCLA
TEAMS
Thought you’d kick butt, you did: Nebraska
Thought you’d kick butt, you didn’t: Texas
Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you did: Northwestern
Thought you’d get your butt kicked, you didn’t: Missouri State
Dang, they’re good: Ohio State
Dang, they’re bad: Virginia Tech
Did the season start? Oregon State
Can the season never end? Cal