⚽️⚽️⚽️…Delusional Youth Soccer Parent Thread
- Thread starter lawpoke87
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Reading through these posts, I think a major issue in player development is that too many kids no longer feel the pressure of competition for their spots. My daughter lost her spot at a young age, and it put a chip on her shoulder in the best way—it taught resilience, accountability, and hunger.
We’ve intentionally kept her with who I believe is the best developmental coach in Tulsa because development, not entitlement, is the priority. When clubs tolerate a culture of entitlement—whether from parents or players—it inevitably slows growth. Competition, accountability, and earned roles are essential for real development, and removing those elements does players no favors in the long run.
We’ve intentionally kept her with who I believe is the best developmental coach in Tulsa because development, not entitlement, is the priority. When clubs tolerate a culture of entitlement—whether from parents or players—it inevitably slows growth. Competition, accountability, and earned roles are essential for real development, and removing those elements does players no favors in the long run.
You essentially have summed up the problem with youth soccer in Tulsa specifically, but also probably around the US as well. The other issue is the money involved.
What this keeps pointing back to is parent education. The parents we’re talking about aren’t choosing “wrong” options because of moral failure (even though that’s often how it gets framed here). Most are genuinely confused, because the Tulsa youth soccer ecosystem is very good at creating noise, excitement, and mixed signals.
Until there’s better coordination and transparency across community, the system won’t really improve. The answer is the same every time: improved cross-system collaboration.
Until there’s better coordination and transparency across community, the system won’t really improve. The answer is the same every time: improved cross-system collaboration.
100% we need a single club. Or at least an understood hierarchy.
For me, personally: When TSC acted like losing NL wasn't a big deal and that GA was just as good, that should have set off some alerts for parents. But it is what it is and I hope TSC finds success. Some for Blitz, obv WSA, etc.
For me, personally: When TSC acted like losing NL wasn't a big deal and that GA was just as good, that should have set off some alerts for parents. But it is what it is and I hope TSC finds success. Some for Blitz, obv WSA, etc.
Well, now you know why people just bounce to another club. They get mad.
I see it at the young academy level. Some parents come in and think their kids should be on the gold team immediately after killing it at Metro or the YMCA. All of a sudden, you are met with kids who are as good or better with more experience. You can guess how that is. Certain age groups may be deeper than others, which makes it more difficult.
This may mean they are on less competitive teams, and it isn't as pretty. I can see how this isn't fun. At the same time, do you think that if you moved, it would get better immediately? Probably not. They aren't ready. They will get smoked. It will be obvious. Parents will be chatting negatively. He may not even play much. They should be on lower teams, playing more, and growing.
Clubs are quite adept at keeping parents in the dark as it relates to the national or even regional soccer landscape. Clubs playing in lower level leagues are very careful to give the perception that their teams are of the highest quality. Other clubs are careful during the academy years to not travel to play the best competition. However, more importantly they don’t tell the parents that academy soccer is a different animal than competitive soccer. They don’t tell parents until they hit competitive that the clubs in Dallas, Austin, Houston, etc will combine the best players on their academy teams to form the ECNL squad. Thus the success we’ve had at the academy level against teams from these larger clubs is a bit of an illusion. Now that information would be a great way to push those parents and their kids into working harder through academy age if a club was so inclined. This might be the best solution since the depth of talent in the area isn’t generally sufficient for the players to fear losing their spots on the top team.
One thing I will fault parents for is that too many seem focused only on their child experiencing the good feelings that come with being on a top team. Winning, status, and labels have started to matter more than long-term development.
Clubs don’t help this by chasing good PR, sometimes pulling players down from top teams to second or third teams just to win local tournaments. As a parent whose kids have been on both top teams and second teams, I’ve never understood that approach.
Too often, clubs become more focused on competing against each other than on developing their own players. Ironically, that’s the real missed opportunity. If clubs focused on developing kids instead of worrying about what another club is doing, that’s when they would truly stand out.
It’s also important to remember that if a kid earns their way onto a top team—or earns their way onto a second team—that’s okay. Development isn’t linear. It’s a rollercoaster with ups and downs, growth spurts and setbacks, and every stage matters.
And if a group of kids earns their way to a final, they’ve earned the right to play in it. Win or lose, you should be proud of their effort. Real development, confidence, and accountability come from competing at the level you’ve earned—not from stacking the deck to collect another trophy.
Clubs don’t help this by chasing good PR, sometimes pulling players down from top teams to second or third teams just to win local tournaments. As a parent whose kids have been on both top teams and second teams, I’ve never understood that approach.
Too often, clubs become more focused on competing against each other than on developing their own players. Ironically, that’s the real missed opportunity. If clubs focused on developing kids instead of worrying about what another club is doing, that’s when they would truly stand out.
It’s also important to remember that if a kid earns their way onto a top team—or earns their way onto a second team—that’s okay. Development isn’t linear. It’s a rollercoaster with ups and downs, growth spurts and setbacks, and every stage matters.
And if a group of kids earns their way to a final, they’ve earned the right to play in it. Win or lose, you should be proud of their effort. Real development, confidence, and accountability come from competing at the level you’ve earned—not from stacking the deck to collect another trophy.
Just because a player plays ECNL or MLS Next or GA doesn't make that player that quality. I know of an ECNL player who couldn't make the middle school team of a TPS school. We had 2 ECNL (starters) try out this last year and couldn't make our GA team. (We could use a little help also). TSC ECNL Boys have players that have no business playing NL (Because the core left for Greenwood). Some parents want to pound their chest that I play in "This" league. well congratulations!!!
After reviewing the GA payoff structure even if we win out we would need help to make the playoffs. That means we will be ranked probably in the top 30 in the country and not make the playoffs. I would say we are at the right level. Personally I'm very happy with GA. I'm also smart enough to know that it's not Texas ECNL. Tina has came to several of our home games. The GA commissioner watched us play in Florida. and I would take Nathan and Cyp's college coaches rolodex over just about any other coaches in the state. Nothing wrong with playing at WSA ECNL and those coaches either. Everyone has choices to make.
The madness has already started, surprised no one has mentioned it here. It's not my place so I'll let those Coaches/Clubs announce it.
After reviewing the GA payoff structure even if we win out we would need help to make the playoffs. That means we will be ranked probably in the top 30 in the country and not make the playoffs. I would say we are at the right level. Personally I'm very happy with GA. I'm also smart enough to know that it's not Texas ECNL. Tina has came to several of our home games. The GA commissioner watched us play in Florida. and I would take Nathan and Cyp's college coaches rolodex over just about any other coaches in the state. Nothing wrong with playing at WSA ECNL and those coaches either. Everyone has choices to make.
The madness has already started, surprised no one has mentioned it here. It's not my place so I'll let those Coaches/Clubs announce it.
I had heard about that. Happy for your girls! We have a 7th grader playing with us right now that'll be with y'all.
How bad does a GA club have to do to get the boot? I’ve never heard of one being “moved down” for performance. With how diluted the teams are in Tulsa I don’t know how TSC improves much. Except this coming year with kids moving to graduation year. And that’s a very temporary solution that might make very little difference anyway.
I think the 2014's will contend for a playoff spot. The 13's will be good. I think the 2012's will be improved. But to answer your question a San Antonio team owned by the same owner as Greenwood got moved to Aspire. I have zero concerns about TSC losing GA.
I agree that limited depth of talent makes it hard to take a true “Dallas-style” approach here. Still, I’m hopeful we can build out a thoughtful and honest Tulsa identity.
We could start simple. For example: an online FAQ, a well-configured LLM that answers basic inquires, or a community event hosted by @ScheelSC where experienced parents help answer common youth-soccer questions. Even an annual new-parent orientation would go a long way.
The key is transparency and genuine cross-system collaboration. No bully pulpits, no sales pitches, no single club controlling the narrative. If families better understand how academy soccer differs from competitive soccer, and how pathways actually consolidate at later ages, expectations would be healthier and development decisions more grounded in reality.
I agree that many parents appear focused on status rather than long-term development. I think this is often learned behavior, not a conscious choice. I feel we tend to overestimate how much parents actually understand about the youth soccer ecosystem.
I’ll use myself as an example. Early on, I had almost no concept of what “development” really meant. That changed when I noticed one of my daughter’s former teammates (who now plays on TSC 2013 GA) progressing rapidly. Curious, I asked her family about it and was honestly blown away by how intentional her training routine was outside of team practice. I had no idea families layered training on top of team sessions, worked with private coaches, or followed an actual development plan.
I didn’t know how to build that kind of plan, whether I even should, how much time per week was appropriate, how long progress typically takes, or that development is nonlinear. I didn’t understand the balance between psychological and physical needs, or concepts like training in the zone of proximal development. I simply didn’t have the knowledge or network yet.
There are certainly parents who choose not to, or can't, commit to long-term development. But there are also many parents who want to support their child, are in a situation where that is possible, and don’t yet realize what support can look like, or that it’s even something to be intentional about.
I guess...I think it just depends. Does that need to be threatened and emphasized every single practice, starting at age 6? No. They will begin to feel that pressure regardless. Kids and parents recognize which teams are better, and they want them to be there. Kids from other clubs want to be on it. It drives itself...Kids want to start. Kids also get moved down. I have already seen it happen.
They start playing less, and then they know something is up. They bring in players from other teams.
My good friend, whose son plays on a real MLS academy team, says kids will stomp each other's throats to be on the top team.
What I am not sure people realize is that it behooves them to have quality second teams as age groups grow. I think 7s should be rostered around 10. 9s maybe 13-14 etc...Eventually, those teams will combine. Unfortunately, the big leagues ---ECNL and MLS Next may attract kids from the other top teams at clubs as they get to the older ages. Parents may not realize this.
But on some level...what are they supposed to do? Tell them they are total junk. They have to build up their confidence. The kids know where they stand. Some don't, but whatever. It is a tricky balance. This is easy to say since you are playing at a top club in the country whose daughter is amazing. It would be a lot harder if your kid were on a third-tier team in Tulsa, but they still loved soccer and wanted to play. My son is pretty decent for his age, but I have to remind him constantly that this is a journey and it may not always be this way. We are going to be playing beyond just trying to dominate Tulsa. The goal is to be good regionally and nationally.
If it doesn't win every middle school event, it will be beyond me; they should probably have 2-5 teams. They only have one middle school. No other large district in the state is that way. Middle soccer is horrific.
Is this the supposed merger that has been rumored on here with no details? What is this merger? I have a very close friend who works with a coach at a large club that is spouting off that there is one in the works.
I think if it isn't emphasised at the youth level that you aren't touching the ball consistently outside of your team practices, you WILL fall behind. It really is that simple.
Lot's of rumors. We will see......I think a couple would be good. (personally)
Once the kids hit competitive there is very little movement between teams in Tulsa. Clubs rarely move kids down from the top team. Clubs like the revenue. Thus complacency sets in with both the kids and parents. There isn’t a single girl on the FCD 10 NL team who doesn’t attend outside trainings on a weekly basis during the season. I’m guessing that number on the WSA team is around 20%…maybe less. Why…no fear of losing your spot.
When my kid started club soccer she was the last player off the bench on the third team at Blitz (there only were 3 teams). However, she loved soccer and was determined to improve. Looking back she realizes all the struggles and the experience of having to work her way up through the tiers gave her grit and toughness. Youth soccer is a marathon not a sprint. Development is not linear. People don’t see the hundreds upon hundreds of hours of work the good players have put in away from team trainings. Be patient and give your kid the resources and opportunities to be as good as they want to be. There is no replacement for touches.
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I don’t think anyone would be shocked to see a FC Tulsa - TSC merger. They are already working together on futsal. Makes sense (especially on the boys side).
Looking at this from afar, TSC/FC Tulsa and Greenwood/South Lake would be great to see. One Tulsa merger and one Tulsa/Okc merger would shake things up, leave some leagues to merge or fall by the wayside, and modernize the leadership and structures.
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