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- Thread starter Knight Shift
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Ooh, that makes me feel very exclamation pointy.
True story - that right there is my "hall pass".
I quote: "Sweetie, if you ever really have the opportunity to f*ck Scarlett Johansson, then have at it."
I'm banking on maybe she likes boats. And just happens to be wandering around a dock one day when my awesome ocean voyager catches her eye. We talk, during which I remark that I'm just now provisioning, and am about to set sail for someplace warm and will be a good two weeks on the water. She responds by saying, "Well, I don't have any plans... Mind if I tag along?"
Yep. It's goin' down.
A boy can dream. I mean, it's not precisely impossible, right?
Hey, it could happen.
I mean, there's always yacht club chicks, you know that. So who's to say maybe one of them can't be ScarJo?
Used to be true with airports, too. There were always young ladies hanging around looking for rides.
The closest I came to a Yachtie Chick were the girls who rented the rowboats on the lake in Warinanco Park in Elizabeth.
In the boat in the foreground the young woman in the blue dress at the stern is staring at you!
I see your Scarlette and raise you an Emily from the hottest video ever (with all due respect to "Irresistable" and "Freedom")...
Exactly. Enough Dark & Stormies at the yacht club bar can make someone even as uncomely as me look handsome.
I had ample proof (no pun intended) of that one night a couple years ago at a favorite local hangout bar, although not in the form of Dark & Stormies. A woman-friend's woman-friend, whom I'd just met that night, started the night out being pretty stand-offish to me. After her first few drinks, the standoffishness became hostility and she was repeatedly saying stuff like "i don't like you" and "i'm gonna punch you in the face".
You understand, I basically hadn't said anything to her all night and was talking with others at the bar, including the woman-friend of mine. So it wasn't anything I was saying.
Then, an hour or so and several more drinks, later, the hostility turned to love and she was snuggling up close, getting up in my face and repeatedly telling me stuff like ("you're the most beautiful man I have ever seen"). It was pretty hard not to laugh when she said that, and I really wanted to ask if she had a subconscious fetish for cubism. But I worried doing so would get me punched in the face.
Another hour or so later, I wound up having to stuff the two of them into an Uber to get them back to my woman-friend's house which, while only a few blocks away, was way too far for either of them to walk safely. At least that good deed earned me a large glass of Macallan from my bartender friends who I guess appreciated not having to deal with seeing the two drunks off themselves.
Alas, my bartender friends, both 20-something hotties, failed to confirm me as the most beautiful man they had ever seen. Apparently, they do not have cubism fetishes. Still, they do hug me a lot. Surely out of pity, but whatever, I'll take it.
That story either did not end as I was expecting or is missing some important details.
What were you expecting? A Penthouse letters story? Or a happy ending with a sheep?
You wanted me to have headed back to the woman-friend’s house with the two very drunk women to play a game of the beast with three backs?
Unfortunately for me, since college at least, I have this screwed up ethical problem with taking advantage of drunk women. I’m not happy about this at all and often wish I was an unethical, amoral, sociopathic person. I’d be having a lot more fun.
I blame my stupid upbringing, and my mom in particular. I actually give her a hard time about it all the time. But she just sits there looking pleased with herself. Damn her!
You wanted me to have headed back to the woman-friend’s house with the two very drunk women to play a game of the beast with three backs?
Unfortunately for me, since college at least, I have this screwed up ethical problem with taking advantage of drunk women. I’m not happy about this at all and often wish I was an unethical, amoral, sociopathic person. I’d be having a lot more fun.
I blame my stupid upbringing, and my mom in particular. I actually give her a hard time about it all the time. But she just sits there looking pleased with herself. Damn her!
Here's the back story on this thread. Meant to post a Tweet on Peter Kiss being the #3 scorer in NCAAM basketball--RU could use a scorer like that. Accidentally posted here, and quickly "deleted" the post with the -.
And you almost turned it into a kiss and tell thread.
This has been a fun thread, from the punctual early responses (pun intended). Although it is a little hard to click on the thread title to jump to the thread from the notifications page.
And I almost never kiss and tell. Except when it comes to sheep, who are pretty relaxed about having tales of their inherent promiscuity spread far and wide (readers can guess for themselves whether that pun was intended or not).
You are a good man sir, despite your frequent attempts to suggest otherwise.You wanted me to have headed back to the woman-friend’s house with the two very drunk women to play a game of the beast with three backs?
Unfortunately for me, since college at least, I have this screwed up ethical problem with taking advantage of drunk women. I’m not happy about this at all and often wish I was an unethical, amoral, sociopathic person. I’d be having a lot more fun.
I blame my stupid upbringing, and my mom in particular. I actually give her a hard time about it all the time. But she just sits there looking pleased with herself. Damn her!
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