B[D]ad Jokes
- Thread starter davidallen
- Start date
God (creating canines): You will be called dog - you are man's best friend.
Dog: That seems sexist.
God: No, man as in all the peoples.... **** it. You can not speak.
Dog:
God: And chocolate kills you.
Dog: That seems sexist.
God: No, man as in all the peoples.... **** it. You can not speak.
Dog:
God: And chocolate kills you.
Two Jewish guys, Moishe and Schlomo, are walking down the street. They pass a church with a sign in front. The sign says "Convert! get $1000"
Schlomo decides to go ahead and go inside the church.
Not too long after, Schlomo comes back outside and Moishe says, "So, did you get the $1,000?"
Schlomo responds, "Is money all that you people think about?"
Schlomo decides to go ahead and go inside the church.
Not too long after, Schlomo comes back outside and Moishe says, "So, did you get the $1,000?"
Schlomo responds, "Is money all that you people think about?"
Vladimir Putin goes undercover to inspect new recruits before sending them off to battle.
Vlad: Where are you from Private?
Pvt: I am from St. Petersburg sir.
Vlad: Oh really. I am from there as well. Who is your father?
Pvt: Sir, my father is Vladimir Putin - the President is the father of our country sir.
Vlad: Very well, who then is your mother Private?
Pvt: Sir, my mother is Russia. Russia is the mother of all people, all the nation.
Vlad: Where are you from Private?
Pvt: I am from St. Petersburg sir.
Vlad: Oh really. I am from there as well. Who is your father?
Pvt: Sir, my father is Vladimir Putin - the President is the father of our country sir.
Vlad: Very well, who then is your mother Private?
Pvt: Sir, my mother is Russia. Russia is the mother of all people, all the nation.
Vlad: Spectacular Private. What is it that you aspire to be young man?
Pvt: I want to be an orphan sir.
Pvt: I want to be an orphan sir.
Vlad: Spectacular Private. How is that you have come to be such an amazing young man?
Pvt: It all started when my father ****** my mother sir.
Pvt: It all started when my father ****** my mother sir.
Joe Biden had a meeting with the Cabinet today.
He also shared a joke with the bookcase and had a heated exchange with the desk.
They used to call them jumpolenes....
....until your mother jumped on one.
....until your mother jumped on one.
Both of these are much too long for dad jokes.
Back to the point of the thread.... My kids are just now entering elementary school but believe me, I will do everything I can to embarrass them with dad jokes when they hit their teenage years. It's almost like it's my mission in life.
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To teach the kids how a democratic republic works I let them vote on what was for dinner. Pizza won.
We don't live in a swing state. I'm making tacos.