B[D]ad Jokes

[davidallen]

How does the nonbinary Samurai dispatch an adversary?

Spoiler

They slash Them

 

[Been Jammin]

Why can’t you explain puns to a kleptomaniac?

Spoiler: Spoiler

They take things literally

 

[davidallen]

I have questions about all this LGBQT+ stuff but...

Spoiler

...nobody can give me a straight answer.

 

[davidallen]

God (creating canines): You will be called dog - you are man's best friend.
Dog: That seems sexist.
God: No, man as in all the peoples.... **** it. You can not speak.
Dog:
God: And chocolate kills you.

 

[Been Jammin]

Two Jewish guys, Moishe and Schlomo, are walking down the street. They pass a church with a sign in front. The sign says "Convert! get $1000"

Schlomo decides to go ahead and go inside the church.

Not too long after, Schlomo comes back outside and Moishe says, "So, did you get the $1,000?"

Schlomo responds, "Is money all that you people think about?"

 

[davidallen]

Vladimir Putin goes undercover to inspect new recruits before sending them off to battle.

Vlad: Where are you from Private?
Pvt: I am from St. Petersburg sir.
Vlad: Oh really. I am from there as well. Who is your father?
Pvt: Sir, my father is Vladimir Putin - the President is the father of our country sir.
Vlad: Very well, who then is your mother Private?
Pvt: Sir, my mother is Russia. Russia is the mother of all people, all the nation.

Spoiler: Punchline #1

Vlad: Spectacular Private. What is it that you aspire to be young man?
Pvt: I want to be an orphan sir.

Spoiler: Punchline #2

Vlad: Spectacular Private. How is that you have come to be such an amazing young man?
Pvt: It all started when my father ****** my mother sir.

 

[davidallen]

Joe Biden had a meeting with the Cabinet today.

Spoiler

He also shared a joke with the bookcase and had a heated exchange with the desk.

 

[osu_orangestreak]

They used to call them jumpolenes....

....until your mother jumped on one.

 

[Colorado_Poke]

Vladimir Putin goes undercover to inspect new recruits before sending them off to battle.

Vlad: Where are you from Private?
Pvt: I am from St. Petersburg sir.
Vlad: Oh really. I am from there as well. Who is your father?
Pvt: Sir, my father is Vladimir Putin - the President is the father of our country sir.
Vlad: Very well, who then is your mother Private?
Pvt: Sir, my mother is Russia. Russia is the mother of all people, all the nation.

Spoiler: Punchline #1

Vlad: Spectacular Private. What is it that you aspire to be young man?
Pvt: I want to be an orphan sir.

Spoiler: Punchline #2

Vlad: Spectacular Private. How is that you have come to be such an amazing young man?
Pvt: It all started when my father ****ed my mother sir.

Both of these are much too long for dad jokes.

Back to the point of the thread.... My kids are just now entering elementary school but believe me, I will do everything I can to embarrass them with dad jokes when they hit their teenage years. It's almost like it's my mission in life.

 

[davidallen]

To teach the kids how a democratic republic works I let them vote on what was for dinner. Pizza won.

Spoiler

We don't live in a swing state. I'm making tacos.