FC/OT: Thank You.

[Midnighter]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind words and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

 

[PSUJam]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day. Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years or marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind word and for reading this; means a lot.

So sorry my friend.

 

[LionJim]

 

[pendal1]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind word and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

Very sorry for your loss. No one loves you like your mom and it sounds like you were a great son. God bless your mom and family.

 

[Mrdibbs]

My deepest condolences, Midnighter.

 

[Thorndike2021]

There are no words. Only know, please, that we are here for you.

May you and your family know peace.

 

[Tom McAndrew]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind word and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

@Midnighter -- I missed your initial post about your mom's passing in the Japan thread, as I hadn't opened it until a few days ago. And I didn't respond to your post in the Oscar poll (or the Japan thread), as I didn't want to take either of those threads off in other directions.

Your above post about your mom, and about life, was beautiful. It's impressive that you're able to think that clearly after what you've been through. You can also mark it down as another indication that your mom did a great job, if she raised a son that could make such a post.

Losing a parent is almost never easy. Losing a parent when they are, relatively speaking, still younger than when you might worry about their passing makes things even harder.

I've lost one parent, unexpectedly, and it was one of the tougher things I've ever experienced. It helped having my own kids to take care of (i.e., no matter how down you are, you have a role/purpose to fulfill), though I do remember my frustration at realizing this parent would never get to see their grandchildren experience the things that you mentioned.

Looking back, and reflecting upon the experience, I offer you these words of advice. There is NOTHING any of us can say that will dull the pain, or heal the hole, that is in your heart/soul. There is no magic cure for getting through the experience -- it hurts, and it will hurt for quite some time. I recall just taking it one day at a time, and trying to get through that day. And then, you repeat the process the next day. The pain never really goes away. But in time, you do learn to deal with it, as you also come to grips with the new reality that one of the people that conceived you, and raised you, is no longer in your physical world.

Be the best person you can be for your father and your siblings. And be the best person that you can be for your kids. They are all hurting as well, but in being the best you can be with each of them, it will help the family to collectively come to grips with the new reality, and also help you from getting too detached from reality as you go through your own suffering.

Spouses in general, and I have no doubt in your case, are also a great support system. They usually have had a great relationship with their deceased in-law, but their entire world isn't scrambled by the unexpected passing. My wife was a great source of comfort and reality to me, and helped me a great deal in dealing with my grief.

I loved the way you ended your post. Most of us do take things for granted, and get into ruts in our lives, until an unexpected event causes us to reassess things. Living life to its fullest, and not taking family relationships for granted, is a great way to go moving forward.

You have my deepest sympathies on the passing of your mom. If myself, or the board, can be of any help in the days/weeks/months to come, do not hesitate to ask.

 

[Nittering Nabob]

@Midnighter

I suspect you have me on “ignore” and that’s perfectly okay. I just wanted to share my sincere condolences.

Your post was very well written and emotional.

God bless you and your family at this time of loss.

 

[PSU87]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind word and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

Midnighter,
I too missed your original post.
My deepest condolences.

The best tribute I can think to give your mom...you seem like an incredibly good person, so she did the mom thing right.

 

[PSUForever]

Prayers that you get peace, comfort and strength as you grieve the passing of your Mom.

Cherish all the memories you have with her.

 

[Chumboshifko1]

Condolences.

 

[PrtLng Lion]

So sorry to hear this. Wishing you and family lots of comfort. At times like this we lean on our support system, family, friends, and the memories.

 

[RochLion]

So sorry for your loss Midnighter. I did see your original posts but did not have a chance to reply. She sounded like an incredible woman. Keeping your dad and family in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[rudedude]

My condolences, so sorry for your loss.

 

[LionJim]

Wordsworth:

What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We shall grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

 

[Bwifan]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind words and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

Lost my mother 2 days before Christmas this year. I am flying back to PA for her service Saturday. We spread her ashes a couple of weeks ago on the beach here in FL where we spread my fathers ashes a few years ago. We decided since it was Christmas to do the service later and so many family members traveling with Christmas to make it easier on everyone and do the service later. We did a similar service months after my father passed. My sister and I enjoyed it so much more as the raw emotions were gone and truly became great story telling and a true celebration of life. Still has left a huge hole in my life, much more than I anticipated. May you find peace as you go forward and your mother rest in peace and rejoice in heaven.

 

[Fac]

Midnighter, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Brings back the sad memories of seeing my mom die 27 years ago.

 

[laKavosiey-st lion]

Beautifully and bravely written. Sorry Bro.

 

[LionJim]

Beautifully and bravely written. Sorry Bro.

100%. Well said, Rick.

 

[retsio]

Love you Mom.

May I offer my respect for you and your Love of your MOM -- Take care ....


'The Door That Never Closes

There’s a door that never closes,

though it opens but one way –

It’s the door that leads to Heaven

at the end of life’s long day.

It’s the threshold of forever

where the heart is always glad,

It’s a respite for the weary

and a comfort for the sad.

It’s the door to peace and healing

and the door to joy and grace

Where the Master greets each guest by name

and with a warm embrace.

And the loved ones who pass through

into the light that’s shining there

Find a sweet and perfect home

within our Father’s loving care.'

 

[WestSideLion]

Midnighter, I am just seeing this news and am so sorry for your mom and your family. You are right that nothing can dull the pain.

My wife lost both parents within about a year almost a decade ago. And there are still days where we are just sad.

I wish you and your family the best in your journey of remembrance, memorial and mourning.

 

[Shep]

I believe a parents true happiness is found in two things: How good their marriage was, and how good their childrens journey through life is. Sounds like your mom was two for two on that scoreboard. She is smiling from the other side.
Blessings to your dad and your family.

 

[Grant Green]

Ugh, so sorry man. Gut wrenching to read about your dads final goodbye.

 

[Midnighter]

Ugh, so sorry man. Gut wrenching to read about your dad’s final goodbye.

Very hard but beautiful to see. In those final moments you have to make the most of them. Will remember it for ever.

 

[EricStratton-RushChairman]

Midnighter, I've had minimal time on the board last few weeks so i missed your original post. Crushed to hear this news. May your extended family find peace in the coming weeks and months.

 

[Steve JG]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind words and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

Mom.

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind words and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

Going home, going home
By the water-side I will rest my bones
Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul

 

[bbrown]

Wanted to thank those who took the time to offer condolences and words of support in response to the news of my mother’s passing last week (I accidentally derailed some threads in the process). We just took off on a Disney Cruise with the kids when I got the call from my sister; word was she had a very serious stomach infection but with some treatment she would be okay. Then, it turned into emergency surgery before dialysis would be needed. I was stunned and at that point knew this was likely more than a stomach infection. A surgeon from Pittsburgh performed the surgery but my Mom didn’t survive. She was 70 years old and in good, but not great health - she had chronic ailments that limited her mobility; her birthday would have been on Sunday. The surgeon said her intestines had effectively stopped working. She had been to the ER a few nights earlier and her CT scan was clean, and she was sent home with instructions to follow up with a gastroenterologist (the earliest appointment being in three weeks). So, still in the dark as to the exact medical cause of death, but my guess is a blockage of some sort in her intestine or colon that caused the infection (blood clot?).

Her viewing was yesterday and it’s been a tidal wave of emotions this last week and a half. The words of encouragement and sympathy have been so helpful during the process; from friends and family to my adopted family here. Even Disney left me a nice card and a doll from the Inside Out movie (Sadness) in my room one day (the drawing in the card is below). Talking with my Dad and siblings has been so comforting and healing; and while I am beyond sad and heartbroken, I feel most for my Dad, who lost his sweetheart after 52 years of marriage. Watching the greatest man I've ever known kiss his wife goodbye for the last time absolutely destroyed me. I am sad and heartbrokern my Mom won’t see my kids graduate high school or go to college, or find their first loves, but on the whole she lived a very good life filled with adventure and happiness (happens when you marry a Marine) and loved her kids and grandkids (her greatest joy in life) very much. She chose to retire in the place she was born so she could be around her family and she was - every day.

We are a tight knit family and while our warm little center has dimmed a bit it will never fade. I don’t know that I’ll ever get over this empty feeling that was once filled by the comfort of knowing I could call or text her at any time and she would answer, and I don’t know that I want to, but have new resolve to make the most of the time I have left on this earth with my friends and family. People are fond of saying to 'call your mother and tell her you love her,' and that is the best advice I could ever give. I said it every time we talked, which was often. And I say it to my Dad, too. You absolutely will not regret it.

Thanks again for the kind words and for reading this; means a lot. Love you Mom.

I missed that. So sorry for your loss.

 

[bbrown]

@Midnighter -- I missed your initial post about your mom's passing in the Japan thread, as I hadn't opened it until a few days ago. And I didn't respond to your post in the Oscar poll (or the Japan thread), as I didn't want to take either of those threads off in other directions.

Your above post about your mom, and about life, was beautiful. It's impressive that you're able to think that clearly after what you've been through. You can also mark it down as another indication that your mom did a great job, if she raised a son that could make such a post.

Losing a parent is almost never easy. Losing a parent when they are, relatively speaking, still younger than when you might worry about their passing makes things even harder.

I've lost one parent, unexpectedly, and it was one of the tougher things I've ever experienced. It helped having my own kids to take care of (i.e., no matter how down you are, you have a role/purpose to fulfill), though I do remember my frustration at realizing this parent would never get to see their grandchildren experience the things that you mentioned.

Looking back, and reflecting upon the experience, I offer you these words of advice. There is NOTHING any of us can say that will dull the pain, or heal the hole, that is in your heart/soul. There is no magic cure for getting through the experience -- it hurts, and it will hurt for quite some time. I recall just taking it one day at a time, and trying to get through that day. And then, you repeat the process the next day. The pain never really goes away. But in time, you do learn to deal with it, as you also come to grips with the new reality that one of the people that conceived you, and raised you, is no longer in your physical world.

Be the best person you can be for your father and your siblings. And be the best person that you can be for your kids. They are all hurting as well, but in being the best you can be with each of them, it will help the family to collectively come to grips with the new reality, and also help you from getting too detached from reality as you go through your own suffering.

Spouses in general, and I have no doubt in your case, are also a great support system. They usually have had a great relationship with their deceased in-law, but their entire world isn't scrambled by the unexpected passing. My wife was a great source of comfort and reality to me, and helped me a great deal in dealing with my grief.

I loved the way you ended your post. Most of us do take things for granted, and get into ruts in our lives, until an unexpected event causes us to reassess things. Living life to its fullest, and not taking family relationships for granted, is a great way to go moving forward.

You have my deepest sympathies on the passing of your mom. If myself, or the board, can be of any help in the days/weeks/months to come, do not hesitate to ask.

That was really well said.
Nice.

 

[Midnighter]

@Midnighter -- I missed your initial post about your mom's passing in the Japan thread, as I hadn't opened it until a few days ago. And I didn't respond to your post in the Oscar poll (or the Japan thread), as I didn't want to take either of those threads off in other directions.

Your above post about your mom, and about life, was beautiful. It's impressive that you're able to think that clearly after what you've been through. You can also mark it down as another indication that your mom did a great job, if she raised a son that could make such a post.

Losing a parent is almost never easy. Losing a parent when they are, relatively speaking, still younger than when you might worry about their passing makes things even harder.

I've lost one parent, unexpectedly, and it was one of the tougher things I've ever experienced. It helped having my own kids to take care of (i.e., no matter how down you are, you have a role/purpose to fulfill), though I do remember my frustration at realizing this parent would never get to see their grandchildren experience the things that you mentioned.

Looking back, and reflecting upon the experience, I offer you these words of advice. There is NOTHING any of us can say that will dull the pain, or heal the hole, that is in your heart/soul. There is no magic cure for getting through the experience -- it hurts, and it will hurt for quite some time. I recall just taking it one day at a time, and trying to get through that day. And then, you repeat the process the next day. The pain never really goes away. But in time, you do learn to deal with it, as you also come to grips with the new reality that one of the people that conceived you, and raised you, is no longer in your physical world.

Be the best person you can be for your father and your siblings. And be the best person that you can be for your kids. They are all hurting as well, but in being the best you can be with each of them, it will help the family to collectively come to grips with the new reality, and also help you from getting too detached from reality as you go through your own suffering.

Spouses in general, and I have no doubt in your case, are also a great support system. They usually have had a great relationship with their deceased in-law, but their entire world isn't scrambled by the unexpected passing. My wife was a great source of comfort and reality to me, and helped me a great deal in dealing with my grief.

I loved the way you ended your post. Most of us do take things for granted, and get into ruts in our lives, until an unexpected event causes us to reassess things. Living life to its fullest, and not taking family relationships for granted, is a great way to go moving forward.

You have my deepest sympathies on the passing of your mom. If myself, or the board, can be of any help in the days/weeks/months to come, do not hesitate to ask.

Thank you Tom and everyone else offering kind and thoughtful words of support; it really does mean a lot. Amazing advice and insight that has already helped tremendously. What a wonderful place this is......

 

[CFLion]

@Midnighter -

Just seeing your post now, and wanted to also extend my condolences on the passing of your dear mother. This board became a great escape and sounding "board" for me years ago when I lost my wife. You are right ... this board is a wonderful community where we can all support each other in times of need. Please know you’re in our thoughts, and don’t hesitate to reach out to this nutty collection of Penn Staters whenever you need—we’re here for you.

Wishing you and your family comfort, strength and peace going forward.

 

[Nits74]

Midnighter, Sorry I missed your post. I was without power for four plus days due to outages caused by intense wind in my part of the Pittsburgh area.

My condolences and best wishes for you and your family. Take care, one of my favorite posters.

 

[LafayetteBear]

Midnighter: I hadn't been on this Board in awhile. I logged on here a few minutes ago and was greeted by this thread. I'm very saddened to hear of your mom's unexpected passing. She died too soon, but your words about both she and your dad give me confidence that she lived a very full life. My sincere condolences. I lost my mom to cancer when she was 62, so I have a sense of what you are going through. You never get over it, but the pain lessens a bit with time. Hang in there. I believe you'll see her again one day. Hopefully not too soon, though.

 

[WanderingSpectator]

So sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family. Your memories of her will live on forever.

 

[Nits1989]

My condolences to you and your family. I just lost my mom and dad in about a 1 year period. I see reminders of them every day. Sometimes it’s a good feeling, sometimes it’s a sad feeling of loss. I don’t think there will be a time when I don’t experience those feelings, and I suppose that’s good because those feelings speak to the strong familial relationship that existed. We weren’t perfect but we were always there for each other. I think the strength of the relationship is what causes the range of emotion. Your post was beautiful and it may have helped others. I know it helped me not feel so alone in my loss. Thanks, and condolences.