Things you want to say to your co-workwers, but can't.

[JoeSwag]

I will NEVER understand why some people are incapable of understanding this.

Re: Replying All

One of my kid's teachers seems to not understand the BCC part of an email where you can write to the parents without everyone seeing your email. There is one parent who (WITHOUT FAIL) replies all to every email this teacher sends us.

I have debated on saying something but then I figure it's not worth it.

 

[WildcatFan1982]

STOP REPLYING TO ALL.

My favorite is when the email actually says "Please do not hit Reply All" and then 30 people do it anyway.

 

[PhattyJ4UK_rivals309166]

Ahhh, just here to say I knew @MudererofCrows had a female job that bores him to death and is miserable in life

Make sure the coffee is fresh welcher.

 

[PhattyJ4UK_rivals309166]

You guys that are pushing for permanent work from home realize that once companies see it can be done they'll see that it can be done from India for a tenth of your salary...

Just saying.

 

[Ryan Lemonds Hair]

Does this count as saying something?

 

[WildcatFan1982]

a decade ago when I worked at Best Buy I flipped off a coworker because lazy as can be and also a huge *******. And he went and told on me.

 

[P19978]

You guys that are pushing for permanent work from home realize that once companies see it can be done they'll see that it can be done from India for a tenth of your salary...

Just saying.

Ha... the chance of some Asian managing my clients portfolios... lol... not gonna happen.

"Cost" will never be more important than "trust".

 

[_Mav_]

I worked with a dude who explained a chart he thought of for ranking people. Think of an x and y axis. The X axis is work ethic, the Y axis is smarts. Now think of four quadrants that creates.

Q1 - Top Left Corner - Smart, but Lazy
Q2 - Top Right Corner - Smart and Hard Working
Q3 - Bottom Right Corner - Dumb, but Hard Working
Q4 - Bottom Left Corner - Dumb and Lazy

In our line of work, you can't even get hired if you're dumb and lazy, so you don't see any of those people.

The Smart, but Lazy people - you can work with them. You just need to figure out how to motivate them. But they're not going to screw you up too badly other than a high risk of missed deadlines - but that can be resolved by putting some pressure on them.

The Smart and Hard Working people are obviously the best.

But the bottom right corner - the dumb, but hard working people. Those are the freaking worst. They're the ones that can screw things up by pushing terrible ideas, rubbing people the wrong way, making people want to quit, etc. Those are the folks you want to stay away from.

OT, but the X-Y axis reference reminded me of the Hot/Crazy Matrix...

 

[CastleRubric]

We’ve become the enemy

 

[CastleRubric]

You have the most amazingly sexy figure i’ve ever seen, lady - please don’t. take my occasional leering as anything untoward....i’m just admiring the apparent perfection of the shape and movement stemming from your ***, legs and hips - MOSTLY your *** though

 

[CastleRubric]

Josh - if you try to intimidate ONE MORE junior member of this team i SWEAR ON ALL THATS HOLY - I will ABSOLUTELY give up this job and
beat your fat little snarky *** with. a Fkking chair -

Smartass snarky gimpy dumba$$ mother^%%^!

 

[CastleRubric]

I only speak Russian or Chinese to you because it makes your full lips more pouty and therefore...more closely resembling an enforced Va####

But - it wasn’t me who followed you home last night / pretty sure that was Josh

 

[CastleRubric]

You are devoid of any useful or original ideas / YOU are a symbol of the uninspired, collapsing institutions around us \ you ALMOST make me want to retch

IF THAT WORMY LITTLE FOOL JOSH WERE IM HERE I PROBABLY WOULD CLOW CHUNDER — I MEAN I CANT TAKE YOUR BEIGE-INCOMPETENT IG’NANT FACE ANYMORE

LOOK AWAY!!!

TURN YOIR MESSED UP BEAVER CLEAVER MUG​

THE OTHER WAY NOW, DAMNIT​

 

[CastleRubric]

mmmmmm - i bet you’re ok with dirty talk

you know - we could DO that togetherness JUST to practice for the ones we love!

 

[CastleRubric]

YES I DESTROYED MATTS RADIO -

& YES i used the women’s restroom when no one was looking....wanted to see if they had a damn couch in there like the one out Northrop women had in the ATL

 

[CastleRubric]

sorry - that methane leak that caused a best evacuation and TWO calls to the environmental team ...

That actually WAS me “PASSING IT”

i had no idea the blast yield would be in the megaton range

i am an animal and am 76% ashamed

 

[CastleRubric]

if i see another Fkkoig ZUCCHINI by the microwave i’m going to show you what Eastern Kentucky Blind FK Rage IS

 

[CastleRubric]

oh -

oh ...you don’t want to answer my email??
That wasn’t important enough for YOU??

How about i get.a Request for Proposal going that solicits the price of setting your damn HOOPTIE CAR on fire , Jack?!

you’re HR for Gods sake / act like you care

 

[CastleRubric]

Your dress - it IS certainly elegant
And don’t you LOvE how we sit like do of close but don’t each other yet?

i see we both liken Ale8!


WELL — I LIVE NEAR THE ALE8 BOTTLING PLANT!!

LETS GO there this summer when we can seat fewer clothes and get a tour. - i will probably be mildly inappropriate but i don’t think it’ll make you feel dirty !

 

[CastleRubric]

Hey - John Phillips Sousa ....turn off the broke-*** show tunes or i’m going to throw the equally useless intern at you, cha-cha

Are you retarded in some way that makes people believe you’re secretly a genius????!

LOSE THE BERET, RAINMAN ​

 

[CastleRubric]

The. next jumpy motherfkker that touches my Pink Floyd artwork on THIS HERE white board — is getting SKIVVED

For all you fresh faces, virgins and non-enlisted types -

THAT MEANS I WILL STAB YOU IN YOUR KIDNEYS OR FACE

 

[CastleRubric]

No - I didn’t pull the fire alarm , Helen

But it was me who brought the Febreeze
Know why??

Cause you smell like industrial strength moth balls, woman ​

 

[PhDcat2018]

Some of the email signatures people use now are absurd. Mine is simply

Name
Title
Company

I see the pronouns all the time. I see people post pictures of the building we worked at 2 years ago. One person has rosie the riveter in her sig. I had one co worker that had the Christian Watford shot as his signature.

Also the day after Kobe Bryant died I came to work with an email from my boss saying "I know we are all struggling with the news about Kobe Bryant, but please make sure you do your work today". Gotta say my ability to do my job was in fact not effected by Kobe Bryant.

Pronouns in bio/sig automatically discounts what they say. Mental illness.

 

[TortElvisII]

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/75653a09-584a-4dc7-abfd-e0d14426009d

 

[starchief]

I wish you would stop picking on everybody here at work.

Signed,

Josh (and Helen)

 

[Diggers_Matching_Highlighter_rivals62132]

Uhmmm - was he a coworker?

I want to say:

FFS stop replying to all on this email.

1,000,000 time this.

Also, if people would simply BCC the recipients when sending out a mass email, this would never be an issue in the first place.

 

[michaeluk26]

Not sure, but def don't hook up with your coworkers. It goes wrong in so so so many ways. I'm sure some of you have done it and dealt with the ramifications.

 

[DocPT]

-I don’t need to be in this ****ing meeting. Do your job.

This right here… this sums it up completely

 

[Captain Forehead]

Jesus Christ would you just shut the hell up!

 

[Dubya C Dubya]

Jesus Christ would you just shut the hell up

LMAO

 

[DraftCat]

Google is your friend.

 

[TruBluCatFan]

First job out of law school, my boss had this secretary who was phenomenal at her job but was a major pain in the *** to everyone.

Early one morning when everyone was getting coffee before the work started she made some bitchy comment.

My boss looked at her and said, “If I was (her husband’s name) the first thing I’d do every morning is smack the hell out of you.”

I didn’t know whether to laugh or run.

 

[wildcat1973_rivals160373]

Work from home doesn’t mean that your house is a ******* daycare. I get it…you have small kids. Figure it out. I raised 3 kids who are now teenagers. Life isn’t easy.

 

[J_Dee]

"The Star Wars sequels rock! They're just as good as the originals"!

I wish I could say that. I really do. Or:

"If you'd just sit down and study Herman and Chomskys' propaganda model -- specifically how the media employs anti-idealogies to divide and conquer -- maybe you wouldn't be so pissed off at the wrong people all of the time".

 

[millayc]

Just because me and my colleagues work at a middle school doesn't mean we have to act like we are in middle school.

 

[kentuckycriedfricken]

I own a small business and the motto “fire fast and hire slow” is a good one. I work with all females and sometimes gotta shake my head at the issues that arise. Women are nuts.

Women aren't happy unless they're unhappy.

 

[MegaBlue05]

About 10 years ago, I had a coworker overhear a break room conversation where I mentioned I wasn’t religious and didn’t attend church to another coworker who asked where I went to church.

The next morning there was some kind of finding Jesus book on my desk with a signed, handwritten note saying “this simple book could save your soul from eternal damnation.” While I appreciate the gesture in some way because I believe the intention behind it was good, holy HR violation.

I wanted to rip him a new one, but chose to thank him for the book and politely asked him to not give me anymore unsolicited religious books. I then took the book home and threw it away.

 

[LordEggForgotHisPassword_rivals]

Nice tits!

 

[JC CATS]

Are those real?

and they are fantastic

 

[gobigbluebell]

Of course it was hyperbole, but I did have an exit interview (3 actually) and let's just say, I got some stuff off my chest.

I spoke frankly, but tried to be respectful and make helpful suggestions. Something like that is never comfortable, when you're pointing out ways that supervisors make their subordinates miserable, but if you don't point them out (and offer alternatives, no point in doing it if you don't do that) then you don't have the right to complain.

I know that's not the Clown persona, but I can actually behave in real life situations. LOL