Tips on how to be the office "bad boy"

[It'saDoneDeal]

Office life is pretty sterile, especially in 2019 where you can't even eat a hotdog without being accused of child porngraphies. How can I be an edgy corporate bad boy but still keep my job? Here are a few things I've been trying, but feel free to add any other tips. I want it to be like high school when I was the cool kid at the back of the bus (and not the greasy haired weirdo who sat by themselves and licked the window every morning).

1. Ending emails with "SINcerely." It's friendly but with a hint of edge. By capitalizing the "SIN" part of sincerely, it subtly indicates that I'm down for a good time and possibly even hard drugs, even if I'm being formal in the moment. This has gotten positive feedback.

2. Announcing when I'm getting up to use the bathroom, then coming back 15 minutes later licking my fingers like:

3. Introducing funny desk decals. I always thought the Calvin peeing bumper stickers were funny, those need to make a comeback. Start them out cute like having him pee on staplers, or overtime, but then step it up a notch and send a message that you hold grudges and aren't to be crossed with. Drink up, Steve.

*just kidding Steve, you're a-okay in my book

Any other Paddock corporate bad boys out there?

 

[AustinTXCat]

Drink liberal amounts of beer the night prior, preferably good craft. Wake up early next morning. Consume massive amounts of hard boil eggs (minimum 3). Don't hold back after plopping your *** down in the cube. Definite attention getter. Add bonus points for a 3-egg omelet heavy on the onions.

Thank me later.

 

[funKYcat75]

Every time you walk out of the boss’ office, zip up your fly.

Your results may vary based on sexual orientation and/or your and your boss’ gender.

 

[bluthruandthru]

 

[mhroe1984]

Bang all the chicks in the office.

 

[kyboy1998_rivals34276]

I usually find a way to nail an hourly employee at plants I get sent to and deny it when rumors start.

Hope that helps.

 

[warrior-cat]

Drink liberal amounts of beer the night prior, preferably good craft. Wake up early next morning. Consume massive amounts of hard boil eggs (minimum 3). Don't hold back after plopping your *** down in the cube. Definite attention getter. Add bonus points for a 3-egg omelet heavy on the onions.

Thank me later.

[laughing]Now that is funny.

 

[thabigbluenation]

Every time you walk out of the boss’ office, zip up your fly.

Your results may vary based on sexual orientation and/or your and your boss’ gender.

wonder how well that works out when some of your students pull that one on you

 

[Gassy_Knowls]

Office life is pretty sterile, especially in 2019 where you can't even eat a hotdog without being accused of child porngraphies.

Those kids must have big d****

 

[Wall2Boogie]

@Robcatt24 you still nailing your boss? Get your *** in here

 

[LineSkiCat14]

Leave the work party after a half hour.

 

[Supercat67]

This thread is very interesting..............opcorn:

 

[BlueVelvetFog]

Op must have a beard

 

[mktmaker]

 

[joeyrupption]

When I find files folders named with a “MMDD-YYYY” convention, I rename them all with the correct, “YYMMDD” convention and never verbalize my actions.

Some real passive aggressive enfant terrible stuff, IMO. Keep up the good fight, brother.

 

[homeytheclown]

This thread is very interesting..............opcorn:

I concur for this kind of pre meditation is fascinating

 

[Anon1711055878]

Throw a read-receipt on every single email. I've got important things to say.

 

[Hank Camacho]

Throw a read-receipt on every single email. I've got important things to say.

URGENT!

 

[Rebelfreedomeagle]

Drink liberal amounts of beer the night prior, preferably good craft. Wake up early next morning. Consume massive amounts of hard boil eggs (minimum 3). Don't hold back after plopping your *** down in the cube. Definite attention getter. Add bonus points for a 3-egg omelet heavy on the onions.

Thank me later.

I completely agree with this. I'll even add that you should wait until the end of a large training meeting and then go shotgun that mess in a full capacity restroom. Come out of the stall whistling and make conversation with the others as you casually wash up.

 

[AustinTXCat]

Throw a read-receipt on every single email. I've got important things to say.

Meanwhile, in MS Outlook, disable your own read-receipts.

 

[WildcatfaninOhio]

[media]

 

[AustinTXCat]

 

[bluthruandthru]

Two words:

Upper Decker

 

[AustinTXCat]

 

[dgtatu01]

Leave the work party after a half hour.

Hey, I already do that

 

[BlueVelvetFog]

[laughing]

 

[UKRob 73]

Piss on all the bag lunches in the break room fridge.

 

[bluthruandthru]

Write a blog about your time on Mt Everest and how the sherpas wasted your booze.

 

[Kooky Kats]

When new employees are toured, hand flick a batch of splooge over your cube partition at ‘em like Miggs from Silence of the Lambs.

 

[Kaizer Sosay]

 

[BlueVelvetFog]

At the next department meeting, plop your schlong onto the table , put your hands on your hips and say “I got your Bancroft Merger idea here, Mother F***ers!” Walk out saying “I got too much **** to do to fool with you ********”.

 

[ukalumni00]

Scored my first Asian from the office. Yes, it was as great as you would expect.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

I just accidentally bricked email/exchange for our 250 person organization..

I guess that's one way of being the office "bad boy".. :flush:

 

[AustinTXCat]

Piss on all the bag lunches in the break room fridge.

Within our agency, but at another location, some loon co-worker would open up every bag lunch, take a single bite from each sandwich, wrap the sandwich back up and return the sacked lunch back into the fridge. They could never catch the person. After cameras were installed, behavior stopped. Crazy.

 

[AustinTXCat]

I just accidentally bricked email/exchange for our 250 person organization..

I guess that's one way of being the office "bad boy".. :flush:

[laughing]

I administered a Sendmail server on Linux from 2002-2005. My org was too cheap to purchase extra MS licensing, except for Value pack. When the server went down, management lost their minds. Fun times.

 

[TortElvisII]

Park diagonally.

 

[Robcatt24]

@Robcatt24 you still nailing your boss? Get your *** in here

To be an office bad boy, nailing your female boss is a requirement.

To take it to the next level, you then need to plow her niece who just got hired into the QA department.

Then to achieve Imperial level bad boy, you then look up the wife of one of the supervisors you hate on Facebook, and close the deal with her in her bedroom. Nothing more bad boy than banging a prick supervisor's wife in his own bed.

 

[LineSkiCat14]

[laughing]

I administered a Sendmail server on Linux from 2002-2005. My org was too cheap to purchase extra MS licensing, except for Value pack. When the server went down, management lost their minds. Fun times.

I'm trying to do a cutover from 2010 to 2016.. Thing hasn't been touched in almost a decade and everyone who worked on it is long gone. Definitely a nightmare of a project.

 

[AustinTXCat]

I'm trying to do a cutover from 2010 to 2016.. Thing hasn't been touched in almost a decade and everyone who worked on it is long gone. Definitely a nightmare of a project.

Helluva project. Good luck.

Is on-premise required? Depending on data sensitivity and budget, you might consider migration to cloud. MS could assist lots with it. Must look at licensing, too.

 

[Glenn's Take]

Just don't talk to any of them. Don't even acknowledge anybodies existence. When you walk just give it the 1,000 year stare and focus on a single point on the wall ahead of you. They won't like you. Trust me, it works for me.