Time for some bathroom humor.
The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.
That's why I poop on company time.
Do you do it?
The boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.
That's why I poop on company time.
Do you do it?
Visiting the throne at work
- Thread starter ZenCatFan73
- Start date
There's no better s#it than one you're getting paid to do. I try to strategically plan my dumps so that I'm doing it at work between meetings and conference calls.
I almost cant do it anywhere else. If it ain't out by Friday, it probably ain't coming out before Monday.
My old office had a private bathroom and the toilet had a TOTO Washlet.
I have been to the mountaintop.
I have been to the mountaintop.
Smart phones have made it much easier to poop at work.
Honestly, browsing Reddit is the most fun while taking a dump in a work bathroom stall. Very enjoyable.
There is always the search for the "golden throne" at work. I've witnessed two people in adjacent stalls carrying on a conversation. It boggles the mind.
Use 19-20 seat protectors. Once you get a nice nest built you are set for the long haul.
We had a bomb threat once when someone wrote "Fear the Bomb" with a smiley face in their own excrement on the bathroom stall. We had to stand out in the hot summer sun for 2 hours. Don't do that. Would not recommend.
The one good thing about working at a hospital is the unmarked toilets. There are 6 of them here. Next to the university president and the CEO's personal water closets, these 6 are the cleanest here since the housekeeping staff uses them for their restroom breaks. Ain't nothing in the world like a 20 minute dump KNOWING that you won't be disturbed, AND it's on the clock.
Moral of this post. Be kind to your housekeepers and they will be kind to you.
Moral of this post. Be kind to your housekeepers and they will be kind to you.
I've travelled in sales for 40 years so I would consider my workplace toilet to be anywhere I can find a clean one. Have enjoyed some of the graffiti through the years. I remember in particular one at a Stuckeys in Arkedelphia, Arkansas in 1983.
" here I sit, a$$hole flexin'
Giving birth to another Texan"
" here I sit, a$$hole flexin'
Giving birth to another Texan"
I do. Daily
But I have to time it just right or it has potential to be deadly in the tiny work john.
Our floor has one toilet and a sink for men. One toilet and a sink for women. There's a 400-pound dude who eats nothing but fast food for every meal. If he's been in the sh!tter, there is a minimum one hour air out time before anyone will knowingly enter. (One of the funniest parts of the job is watching a noob walk in just after dude drops his bombs. There is a cough or audible gag every time. Happened to me when I was new, too. Nobody repeats the mistake.)
But I have to time it just right or it has potential to be deadly in the tiny work john.
Our floor has one toilet and a sink for men. One toilet and a sink for women. There's a 400-pound dude who eats nothing but fast food for every meal. If he's been in the sh!tter, there is a minimum one hour air out time before anyone will knowingly enter. (One of the funniest parts of the job is watching a noob walk in just after dude drops his bombs. There is a cough or audible gag every time. Happened to me when I was new, too. Nobody repeats the mistake.)
Every single toilet at Big *** Fans had a Toto attached to it. That may be the thing I miss most from there.
I normally don't have a problem, but if I notice I haven't went after lunch I will go sit until it happens.
Bathroom graffiti FTW!
In a bar called Camp Springs Tavern in NKy:
"Here I sit
On the pooper
Giving birth
To another state trooper"
Probably should be a spinoff thread.
Forget where I saw the number but if you take your #2 for 10 minutes a day on company, over the course of a year, it works out to a little of 43 hours of paid Poop time. That's a weeks of vacation to drop a deuce!
at least twice a day
which doesn't include the 1-2 trips I make at home too
I sometimes read old Dungeons and Dragons books in there when I'm home
It really relaxes me
last night I stood up and almost fell over -- my left foot had gone completely numb……..AH BUT THATS SHOW BIZNESS!!!!!!!!
There are two spin-off threads going! Anyways, I was wiping today and accidentally dropped one of the dirty wads on the floor. Was disturbing.
I've been known to run people out of the bathroom when I am taking a dump. A few times when I am doing my business, guys would walk in and say "Who the hell died in here?" After that, I try to do it in a bigger, but less traffic bathroom. It's a good 15min walk from my office. So, it's more like a 45min round trip to take a crap.
If I know I am about to have a horrific ****, I go to the downstairs bathroom that's on the backside of the building and sees little traffic except on football game days. The regular bathroom for my floor is right beside a bunch of offices, and I'm not going to be an *** about it. But just a regular, normal ****, I just use the second floor bathroom.
I work at many different companies. I judge the quality of a company based on the setup and cleanliness of the bathrooms. Google is a great company boys, but I'm concerned about their ability to really think things through. For example, all the toilets at Google are heated, electric and include a bidet. But the downside - small stalls and not much distance between the crappers, the urinals and the sinks. It's like putting wood grain trim, Italian leather seats and a Burmester sound system in a Civic. Just not comfortable unless you are in there by yourself.
On the other hand, I worked for a consulting company whose Chicago office bathroom set up was premier - although I think it was an accident based on the fact that the previous owners had a gym on the floor. When you walk into the bathroom you have your urinals and sinks at the front. Want to take a crap? You have to walk down a 15-foot corridor with three stalls all inclosed by full doors. Great for everyone. If you go take a piss you don't have to see, smell or hear people taking a dump. If you go in there to take a dump, no one can see you. It cannot get any better.
On the other hand, I worked for a consulting company whose Chicago office bathroom set up was premier - although I think it was an accident based on the fact that the previous owners had a gym on the floor. When you walk into the bathroom you have your urinals and sinks at the front. Want to take a crap? You have to walk down a 15-foot corridor with three stalls all inclosed by full doors. Great for everyone. If you go take a piss you don't have to see, smell or hear people taking a dump. If you go in there to take a dump, no one can see you. It cannot get any better.
No kidding, I work with a dude that visits the throne room at least twice a day . You can bet that at 9 a.m. that's where he's going. 30 minutes later he's back, darndest thing I ever saw. And smells like the grim reaper came to visit . If you can smell hell, I bet that's what its like!
Back in my prior life, I made sure my "schedule" was such that I would go on company time. Getting paid to poop was glorious. Unfortunately, the floor I worked on had two restrooms, and two many men. I like a little privacy in case things don't go as smoothly as planned. Eventually, I found a nice one, tucked away in a corner around from the mailroom/warehouse in the basement. It was fantastic.
I've worked from home for the past 11 or so years. The privacy and comfort of one's own bathroom cannot be overstated. Especially if you are having a bad morning following White Castle or such.
I've worked from home for the past 11 or so years. The privacy and comfort of one's own bathroom cannot be overstated. Especially if you are having a bad morning following White Castle or such.
I can't help it if I'm regular every day at 10am... Other than weekends.
Shoot me but I entertained clients last night to a dinner and then the UofL game. Actually a really good game and was hoping that last shot went in to force OT.
About 12 minutes left in the 2nd half, my stomach started churning and knew it was going to be bad. Got up and walked around the arena until I could find a halfway decent bathroom. 8 stalls and all were open. Went to the handicap one and did not get up from it until 2 minutes left in the game. Always a fear of mine having the s***s at CWS. Thought this was going to be the same but not as bad as I imagined, besides the inch of jeans on each leg covered in piss.
About 12 minutes left in the 2nd half, my stomach started churning and knew it was going to be bad. Got up and walked around the arena until I could find a halfway decent bathroom. 8 stalls and all were open. Went to the handicap one and did not get up from it until 2 minutes left in the game. Always a fear of mine having the s***s at CWS. Thought this was going to be the same but not as bad as I imagined, besides the inch of jeans on each leg covered in piss.
A
anon_q409idbs5m40a
Guest
We have a dude at work that makes the toilet look as if someone sprayed it with tobacco juice. The janitorial service doesn't even bother cleaning the restroom until after he's done. By process of elimination the other employees were able to figure out who was doing it since it was around 8 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon. Must be time released. We also used to have a lady in the mail room that would literally blow out the women's restroom which is located next to a water fountain. She would leave the door open so it could air out but you can bet that no one was drinking the water after that.
Had the same problem several years ago in a small office I was working in. The "Mad Crapper" would leave splatter patterns that appeared to be physically impossible to make. Single bathroom for men, so toilet was always ruined for the day.
i loved the google toilets, some of them were comfortable enough to take nap between dropping nuggets
What is the proper decorum for when you go into the restroom and it smells like a dozen cats died in a sauna fire, then just as you finish and get ready to walk out somebody else walks in?
Do you explain that it wasn't you or what is the best way to handle that?
Do you explain that it wasn't you or what is the best way to handle that?
I get that some people like their own throne, but I don't know how you can wait 8+ hours unless you are seriously regulated. As for corporate time, do we still allow the cig smokers to take 5 minute breaks every hour? Yeah, I have no guilt taking 1 or 2 ten-minute dumps a day. If the company wants to crack down on productivity, take a peak outside, not in the bathroom.
Also don't have an issue of pooing in public. I've done it in some of the nastiest dive bars and establishments. I'm not the type who can hold a dump for 4 hours. When I have to go, I have 1 hour to make it happen. Sometimes that means dumping in a less-than-savory place. How people can push off dumps for 8 hours is nothing short of amazing..
There was a bar directly across from the bar I used to work at, where I'd go to take dumps (read below as to why).. and it was such a habit that I began ordering a shot and a beer because I felt bad for blowing up their bathroom at 11:30pm every Thursday night. The bartender definitely knew.. so did the locals. Oh well.
Also don't have an issue of pooing in public. I've done it in some of the nastiest dive bars and establishments. I'm not the type who can hold a dump for 4 hours. When I have to go, I have 1 hour to make it happen. Sometimes that means dumping in a less-than-savory place. How people can push off dumps for 8 hours is nothing short of amazing..
There was a bar directly across from the bar I used to work at, where I'd go to take dumps (read below as to why).. and it was such a habit that I began ordering a shot and a beer because I felt bad for blowing up their bathroom at 11:30pm every Thursday night. The bartender definitely knew.. so did the locals. Oh well.