Best possible NCAA Tournament outcomes for Kentucky fans

The first weekend of the NCAA Tournament is over and if you’re like me, you tried your hardest to forget it existed following Kentucky’s Thursday night exit. The only times I allowed my eyes to drift to the TV were to cheer on my alma mater Davidson and to root against Duke. Neither of those scenarios worked out for me, so it was a big weekend for catching up on Netflix and chores.

Will the rest of the tournament be the same? If you’re reading this, you’re a basketball fan after all. Some of you are probably such junkies you’ve still watched every game. Here are the only scenarios I will tune in for. Let’s start with the most obvious.

Go away, Coach K: Duke loses

The easiest way for this NCAA Tournament to become palatable for me is for Duke to lose immediately. Seeing the Blue Devils pull away from Michigan State last night and Coach K notch his 1,200th win was bad enough. If they make it to the Final Four and/or the national championship game, I will scrub the baseboards before I turn on the television. There will be no bigger Texas Tech fan on Thursday night than me. Let’s. Go. Red. Raiders.

Record-savers: Kansas, North Carolina lose in the Sweet 16

Nick Roush covered this earlier, but a few of Kentucky’s bragging rights are on the line this week. Kansas moved into a tie with Kentucky in all-time wins with the win over Creighton. The Jayhawks could take the title Friday night vs. Providence. Similarly, North Carolina is one win away from tying Kentucky for the most all-time NCAA Tournament wins. The Tar Heels face UCLA Friday night. As if we needed another reason to cheer against them, right?

SEC, SEC, SEC: Arkansas?

Tennessee and Auburn also losing in the first weekend softened the blow a little bit, but there’s no denying the SEC’s performance thus far has been embarrassing. Only one SEC team of the six that got into the field remains: No. 4 seed Arkansas. If “It just means more” really does mean more for you, cheering for the Razorbacks is an easy strategy. Imagine how nuts Eric Musselman will go if they make it to the Final Four. To do it, they’ll have to upset No. 1 Gonzaga and the winner of Duke/Texas Tech.

Go get a ring, Johnny Juzang?

UCLA’s Cinderella run in the tournament last year came up two wins shy of a ring. Johnny Juzang and the Bruins have another shot this year. If you’re the benevolent type that cheers for former Kentucky Wildcats to succeed, the Bruins are for you — although the thought of UCLA adding a 12th trophy to its already loaded trophy case is a little sickening.

Someone boring wins

So, no bluebloods and definitely not Duke. If this is the year Gonzaga finally wins it, would it bother you much? It’s the likeliest outcome and probably the most boring. I’d rather Villanova not get its third title in six years. Michigan coming off the bubble to win it all is a story I could live with. If I had to, I could maybe muster some SEC support for Arkansas. We’ve already established I’m cheering for Texas Tech but I have zero feelings about Arizona, Houston, Providence, Purdue, Iowa State, or Miami. An NCAA Championship for any of them wouldn’t threaten Kentucky’s place in the college basketball landscape — the Cats did enough damage to that on their own on Thursday.

That leaves one team…

Must have been fate: Saint Peter’s wins

Cheering against the team that handed Kentucky its most humiliating NCAA Tournament loss ever?! Blasphemy. Hear me out. If Saint Peter’s miracle run continues all the way to the Final Four, it must be fate. And nothing can get in the way of fate, right? Not even the Kentucky Wildcats. The Cats even helped them out, giving them the confidence they needed to shock the world. Go Peacocks?

Ugh. Still too soon. Just anybody but Duke, please.