Five Kentuckians Who Deserve Presidential Medals of Freedom

Yesterday, at the White House, President Obama bestowed the nation’s highest civilian honor, the Presidential Medal of Freedom, on sixteen cultural and political luminaries, including former president Bill Clinton, civil rights activist Bayard Rustin, coach Dean Smith, groundbreaking feminist Gloria Steinem, and queen-of-everything Oprah Winfrey. But around these parts, the recipient who deserves the most attention is none other than the pride of Butcher Holler, Kay-Why herself, Loretta Lynn. Loretty is among Kentucky’s greatest cultural ambassadors, a world-class songwriter whose classic “Coal Miner’s Daughter” cut right to the soul of what it meant to grow up in a poor coal mining town in eastern Kentucky during the middle of the twentieth century, and which inspired the Academy Award winning film of the same name.

In his address to mark the occasion, President Obama noted Loretta’s many accomplishments before telling the audience to “remember, she will . . . uh . . . grab you by the hair of the head and lift you offa the ground . . . so don’t cross her.” (Editor’s note — check veracity of that quote)

Surprisingly, though, considering how much better than everyone else we Kentuckians are at everything, there have been very few of us awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom. According to my exhaustive research (read: the five minutes I spent looking at the Presidential Medal of Freedom wikipedia page), the only Kentuckian to receive the honor before Loretta was author Robert Penn Warren. Now, let’s just imagine that a certain blogger worked on a certain current president’s presidential campaign and reached a certain level of prominence in said campaign’s Kentucky operation. And say that during late night discussions over their shared love of Atari 2600 games and french fries dipped in srirachanaise, this blogger raised the issue of the dearth of PMoF recipients from a certain state. What if that certain current president made certain promises to have said state’s obviously superior citizenry awarded on a more regular basis and asked said blogger for a list of candidates? That list might have started with someone whose first name starts with Lore and ends with Etty, and the rest of the candidates (in ascending order of ridiculousness) might have looked like this:

 

Colonel Harland David Sanders

Hometown: Corbin (adopted)

Claim to fame: Tasty chicken, buttery biscuits, being a cartoon character

Why he deserves it: 

The Colonel goes first on the list, even though his inclusion is a conflicted one. But if you’ve ever traveled abroad (meaning across the Ohio River, Mississippi River, Appalachian Mountains, or into Tennessee), you know that the two things everyone in the entire world knows about Kentucky is horse racing and Kentucky Fried Chicken. And as much as it hurts to admit it, the single most globally recognizable figure associated with the state of Kentucky is actually a racken-fracken Hoosier. Colonel Sanders was born in 1890 (during the Harrison administration, for chrissakes) in Henryville, Indiana. But, like everyone else in that god-forsaken cornfield, he didn’t really achieve anything of note until he lived in Kentucky. In 1930, Sanders took control of a gas station in Corbin, where he began cooking chicken because why not. A decade later, he had perfected his recipe and in 1952, began franchising the restaurant that would make him and Kentucky recognizable around the world. Furthermore, next to Ronald McDonald, the Colonel is probably the most recognized American in the world.

That chicken, tho.

 

Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

Hometown: Louisville

Claim to fame: Revolutionizing American journalism, doing drugs, shooting guns, doing more drugs

Why he deserves it:

The good doctor is one of the most important American cultural figures of the past fifty years, full stop. Thompson’s innovation of gonzo journalism and the critical and popular reception of books like Hell’s Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Rum Diary made him a vital force of late twentieth century American letters, and a towering voice in popular culture. Which all fails to mention the vitality of the Thompson persona as fictionalized by fellow Kentuckian Johnny Depp in the Fear and Loathing and Rum Diary movies. The city of Louisville recently announced that it would finally be honoring Thompson with one of those giant banners downtown, ending one of the longest-running public travesties in that city’s history. A posthumous medal of freedom is also in order.

 

Jennifer Lawrence

Hometown: Louisville

Claim to fame: Winning Oscars, conquering box offices, simultaneously acting like the biggest geek and coolest person in the world

Why she deserves it:

I would be sick of writing about how awesome Jennifer Lawrence is if she WASN’T SO LEGITIMATELY AWESOME ALL OF THE TIME. Seriously. In today’s Hollywood, you can count the number of critically acclaimed, audience adored, celebrity geeking, press murdering, body positive, kid-in-wheelchair hugging young actresses on one hand. In fact, you can count them on one finger. And that finger’s name is JLaw.

 

Richard Dwight “Richie” Farmer, Jr.

Hometown: Manchester

Claim to fame: Shooting 3s, being Unforgettable, mustaches, unexplained interest in out-of-date video technology

Why he deserves it:

Just look at that mustache and tell me it doesn’t deserve a medal of freedom. Does anything say freedom more loudly and proudly than Richie’s lip caterpillar? Has anyone done more to liberate twenty-year-old VCRs from their bound servitude to the state? Freedom and Richie go together like Richie and Kentucky Executive Branch Ethics Commission investigations. He doesn’t need a medal to make it official, but it sure would be nice.

 

Kevin Ware

Hometown: Louisville (adopted)

Claim to fame: Being a hero

Why he deserves it:

Because he’s a hero, that’s why.